Carl's Catwalk

The crackling sensation of Jack’s hangover radiated through his body as he opened his eyes to a clear blue sky encircled by the pointed tops of corn stalks. The cold Earth had seeped into his joints, causing a groan to lift from his chapped lips. He rolled to his side but the motion had him yacking into the pile of burnt ash next to him. He used his callous denim sleeve to wipe his mouth as he tried to catch his breath. A brush of fur rushed against Jack’s ankles and he turned to look around the open space they had carved into the cornfield behind their farm this past spring. A black cat stalked off into the field.

The ground was cracked with the heat of summer now, and each stalk croaked its need for moisture. A dry wind picked up, carrying a few small plastic bags into the air, some still filled with torn paper squares doused in LSD. The smoldering fire lay piled at the center, bright ashes huddled under the logs, their small red bodies fighting for enough oxygen to stay alive. The clink of glass sounded as an empty bottle of whiskey was blown against a wooden stump they used as a bench. 

There was a steady humming in Jack’s chest, and it took him a moment to realize it was the recent ingestion of hallucinogenics still pulsing through his blood. He placed his hand over his chest as he stood up, hoping to keep his heart from pouring out as he rose. The morning air was clear and crisp but heavier than he remembered. The brightness of the sun caused him to shield his eyes to look for her. 

“Molly?”

Her name transformed from a question to a yell as the memories of the night before slipped away like the sand in an hourglass. 

“Molly, are you out here?”

“Would you stop yelling, bro? You’re going to wake the whole field.” 

Jack turned, catching one of his worn work boots against a log bench and falling back toward the ground. He pushed himself onto his back and lifted onto his elbows to look toward the voice. But there was no one. Only the slender shape of that black cat curled against the stalks. 

Jack had seen the cat before, the dark scoundrel had taken to picking the scraps from the trash can when he’d managed to knock the lid off. He’d also kept the garden free of vermin and that was the main reason Jack had left him well enough alone. Molly had called him Carl and often thrown him pieces of potato chips which he crunched happily. Jack told her to stop welcoming more friends. He told her they should keep to themselves

Jack shook his head as he stood trying to remember which path led back to the house. He circled again as he thought about finding Molly back home in bed. He wondered why she had left him here as the stalks danced with the gentle breeze, shifting toward one another as if to tell a secret. 

“She’s not home. She left.” 

Jack whirled as the velvety voice lifted from the stalks and undulated through him like a purr. He righted himself, ready to take on whoever lurked amongst the yellowing plants. 

“Who’s there? Where is Molly?” 

The cat came to stand in front of Jack, his black coat shimmering in the light of the day as he perched on his haunches. The small furry lips moved to say, “Right here, smart guy.”

Jack jumped backward, falling against the stalks, pressing himself to them. 

“What the… did you just… talk?” 

Jack looked all around again, desperate to find who was playing this joke on him. 

“Look, I know it’s a lot. Maybe don’t take so many drugs next time? I mean, what did you expect?” the cat turned a paw in the air and lifted its furry shoulders in a shrug. 

Jack stuttered and slunk further to the ground, an ominous feeling entering the space within his chest. The LSD crept like a slinking snake through his veins, leaving behind impressions on his skin before disappearing altogether. Jack turned back to the cat. 

“Okay, you’re definitely right about the drugs. But what’s this about Molly? I just need to… get back to the house. To look for her.” 

“I’m telling you, kid. She ain’t there. But…” the cat turned in the opposite directions toward a path in the stalks, “I do know where she is.” 

“You can’t be serious?” 

“Well, if I’m being honest, most often I try not to be serious. But I certainly can be.” 

“No way, I am going home. I will find Molly on my own. She wouldn’t go out there.” 

The wind tore through the circular opening whipping Jack’s hair around his ears and pushing him closer to the cat called Carl. 

“Let’s go, dude. Just trust me. She’s gone and you need to find her.”

“Okay, look, cat. I am tripping balls still and I can’t find my wife. You’re telling me she’s gone? You are going to need to take it down a notch.” 

Jack fell back to his butt, placing his head in his hands. The cat came to stand next to him.

“This can’t be real.” Jack started to rock and the cat flicked the tip of its tail against Jack’s cheek. 

“That real enough for you buddy? C’mon, my man, this is your fault anyway. Better be ready to apologize.” 

Jack looked up at the cat in shock, pushed onto his hands and scrambled after the fuzzy beast.

“What do you mean? What did I do? Do you remember last night, Carl?” 

The cat turned sharply and hissed. 

“You’re not allowed to call me Carl! That is Molly’s right. She is a friend. You… may call me, BloodRender.” 

“BloodRender?” 

“You heard me. Let’s go, my man.” 

Jack followed the cat past the fence at the edge of their farm, and deep into the wooded area beyond where the light of the day could not find its perch in the shadows of all the brush. They wound through the dry bark and prickly stems, each thorn glancing off Carl’s sleek fur and coming to burrow deeply in Jack’s skin. 

“Can you tell me anything? About what happened last night?” Jack asked the cat as it pranced from branch to felled log, “The last thing I remember is dancing by the fire…”

“Well, how very convenient for you my friend. Sadly, your night did not end there. Do you remember when The Darkness came? It sat with you too long and took you away from her again.” 

The Darkness. How did Carl know about the Darkness? That was what Molly often called his depressive moments, those times in which he couldn’t get out of bed, the days he feared leaving the house. They consumed him wholly, and he wondered often why she stayed each time. After he let her down over and over again, why did she pick him back up? 

The two companions came to a creek with a steep embankment. A large hollowed log reached from one bank to the next. Carl crept conspicuously to the other end of the log, turning to look at Jack. 

He hesitated at the other end. 

“Maybe, she left for a reason, Car… I mean, BloodRender. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found…” 

The cat stood there, flicking its tail a bit more before shooting into the brush ahead. He yelled back, “don’t be silly, that’s just the Darkness talking. Come on, Jack.” 

The creek water rushed beneath him, joining the energetic sound of the forest and filling him up. He couldn’t help but look for another way to cross, glancing up and down the length of the water. When he found no other options, he lifted a leathered boot onto the old wooden body of the tree. He kept his gaze forward as he shifted to the other side, sliding his boots against the makeshift bridge. Once he was close enough, he jumped and tumbled the rest of the way, falling into the brush and laughing a bit. 

Carl watched from the trees. “See? Being outside is fun.” 

The cat carried on, twisting through the forest, and Jack followed onward, letting go of his fear of this unknown, thinking only of grasping at Molly, telling her not to go. Jack’s mind loosened as he walked, the gentle aura of the forest filling him with life. He looked up to find a pair of butterflies twirling about the lush green background, their pale blue wings creating patterns against leaves. 

There was so much to see out here in this world. The Darkness kept whispering in his ear, telling him to back to his house, to stay safe in his world. But the cat pulled him onward. 

“We’re almost there, Jack. Trust me. We will find Molly.”

The forest darkened as if someone had dimmed the sun, letting Jack’s bad thoughts twirl more openly in front of him. 

“Are you sure you know where you’re going, BloodRender?”

“I am a cat, Jack. How could you even begin to judge my sense of direction? I bet you can’t even smell where we’re going.” 

“You’ve certainly got me there.” 

The cat quickened his pace, turning around a massive tree. As Jack came around, leaning his hand against the bark for support, his mouth dropped open. The cat was standing there, in the middle of this forest, and behind him was a large oak door. It was suspended just above the ground, swaying gently as if it were another leaf. The doorknob shimmered in unison, the iron handle a dark contrast to the wooded backdrop. Jack could only stare at the door. 

“See? I told you I would find it. The answer to everything is just beyond this door.”

“To everything?” Jack repeated. 

“To Enough.” Finished the cat.

“How can you be sure?” Jack turned to look at the cat again. “How do I trust you?” 

“You just have to love, Jack. Love what you can, and keep expanding that. Focus on the love. That's what Molly does. She just loves.” 

Jack reached for the handle, letting the cool metal still in his hand before turning it. The door opened, and he was sucked through the air, tumbling into a vastness. He wanted to believe that the drugs were flaring in his system, but as he fell through space and time he couldn’t be sure this was only happening in his mind. His chest bloomed and he felt himself falling further into nothingness. Wind battered at him as he dropped, the fear of falling all too much. But somehow he had the knowledge that there was no floor and for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t afraid of hitting the ground.

Everything went black, and when Jack came to again, the sound of car horns and the distant rushing of traffic trickled into his awareness. He righted himself for the third time that day, pulling himself up from the asphalt parking lot of the local pizza shop. He looked back at the forest behind him, their farm was only about a mile back through the woods there. He laughed out loud when he saw Molly’s purple Jeep sitting in the parking lot. He walked towards it and as he did, Molly emerged from the shop, a large pizza balanced in her hand. 

“Jack! No way, how did you get here? What… did you walk through the woods?” 

Jack stared at her, unable to take his gaze off her golden hair and the way she struggled to keep a smile off of her face. She pulled her sunglasses off as she neared him, her keys dangling from the same hand. 

“Are you okay?” she asked him. 

“I … yes, I am so okay. I just thought… that you left. I wanted to find you.” 

“Aw, you came here? Just for me? I am so proud of you, baby. That's great progress.” 

Molly leaned into him, holding the pizza out as she pulled him into a side-armed embrace, her keys jingling against his shoulder. He grasped at her, inhaling the scent of smoke and daffodils in her hair.

"I'm so sorry, that the Darkness came again."

"Don't ever be sorry, love. Only be honest." She squeezed him and he melted into her.

She pulled back, "Who told you that I left? What made you think that?"

"Oh," Jack turned to look back for Carl, but there was only forested green. He snorted and shrugged his shoulders.

"You know how my mind gets away from me sometimes..."

Jack and Molly looked out into the woods for a moment longer, watching the tiny world of its own pulse with life.

“C’mon, let’s go home, lover. We’ve got pizza!” Molly squealed in delight as she pulled the passenger side door open for him. He fell into the seat, his exhaustion and hunger creeping up from his toes. She placed the pizza gently in his lap before turning to round the car. She plopped down into the driver's side and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

“How crazy was last night?” She asked him, pushing hair behind her ear as she turned the keys in the ignition and grinned up at him.

“You have no idea. Did the cat talk to you?”