Cycle

    She knew she wanted to get married some day. It just wasn’t a priority with school and work. There was basically not a lot of time for a relationship. She dreamt her marriage would be happy with a great deal of trust and affection. This all depended on whether she picked the right partner. 

   She went to university not to find a husband but to find a career. There he was in the middle of math class asking a question. She wasn’t sure how he ended up sitting next to her but as the class progressed they exchanged a few words. Like would you like to have coffee and go over this material. She basically had no choice. She was not doing well in the class. 

   He was handsome in a shy way. He was also quite charming. One thing led to another and they exchanged phone numbers. The next thing you know they were seeing a movie together. Basil lived at one of the fraternities not far from campus. This made it easy for them to study in his room. Basil told her his mother has problems she’s an alcoholic. He doesn’t see her that often. His father died a few years back of cancer. Of course that’s how the mother got hooked on the booze to begin with. The loss of her husband was too much for her to bear. She started drinking heavily and could not find a reason to give it up. 

   Despite his family, Basil seemed like a nice enough guy. He had good manners, was crazy in love with her, and ,brushed his teeth before bed. So, when they graduated they eloped. Basil got a job working in statistics while she worked in computer science. Everything should of been going smoothly but after years of deterioration his mother died.

   Basil blamed himself. If only he could of been there more for her. Did the ten step program with her: make sure she completed it. Been more supportive when she was at rehab and so on…….

   Basil became depressed over his losses and the fact that he had no parents left. She suggested he go on a camping trip with a few of his friends from university maybe that would cheer him up. He thought that wasn’t a bad idea. He could use the comfort of his friends right about now. Basil previously never drank. All the time she knew him he never touched the stuff. Well on this camping trip he had a few drinks to ease his pain. Apparently, some people are more susceptible to alcohol then others. After the camping trip he began to drink after work. (vodka) She pleaded with him to stop and reminded him what it had done to his mother. But by now he was self-medicating and he needed to see a doctor. Months passed and Basil was not interested in their marriage. He came home from work and he drank. He did not have interest in the things they use to enjoy. 

   She saw her marriage going down hill and was helpless to stop it. They use to go to movies on Thursday nights but now all Basil wanted was a drink. The kind sweet hearted boy she married was changing into a drunk quite rapidly.  

   She knew she had to do something to help save Basil and their marriage. Right after Christmas she had made an appointment with a psychiatrist. If she had to trick him she’d get him to this appointment. She needed answers to what was happening to her husband? What could be done to help him?

   Christmas came and went without a card or gift from Basil. She cried herself to sleep but just kept telling herself this is not him. She even questioned why they got married after school finished. Maybe they should of worked full-time for a few years before getting married. The day for the appointment came and she decided not to pull any punches. “you need help” she said.

He said “I know” and shrugged his shoulders. 

“ I have an appointment set up with a doctor.”

“ Thanks, I’ll just get my jacket and well go.”

They both knew their marriage was hanging by a shred.

   The doctor said that Basil should of received treatment as well as his mother for the alcoholism. When he experienced pain his skill set was limited and he went for the bottle. A learned behavior from his mother. Alcoholism is one of the leading causes of a dysfunctional family. “Additionally, adult children of alcoholics have lower self esteem, excessive feelings of responsibility, difficulty reaching out, higher incidence of depression, and increased likelihood of becoming alcoholics.” said the doctor.

   They left his office with a lot of information. Another appointment, the location of a program to treat Basil and a prescription.

   Basil looked at me and said “What if I’m just like her and I can’t beat it”.

   “You can do anything you set your mind to do.”

    “I’m afraid and I’m sorry about what I’ve become”

    “I see you for who you really are and how much potential and strength you have.”

    “Does that mean you’re going to stay with me and we can go back to being happy together”

    “Well, we can’t go back, but we can be happy together again.”

    “I’ll do it, I’ll quit the booze, no more drinking. If I can just have you by my side. Til death do we part remember.”

     “Do you remember the other part of those vows?”

     “I do and I’m sorry for putting you through all this.”

   Basil took his wife’s hand and they walked home together. That night Basil didn’t have a drink instead he brought out a present for his wife. He had been saving it for just the right occasion. It was a necklace with a heart on it. Basil said “you’ll always have my heart!”

  She began to cry. She knew this was her husband finally talking to her. She almost gave up on him for a while but things will be better now.

   Basil went to his Alcohol program. He learnt about why he was drinking and how to cope with those feelings in the future. He also heard from others what a huge toll this disease can take on your life. He knew it could kill you but he didn’t see the cost it put on your relationships, your job, and, your marriage. There were some in the group that had lost everything to alcoholism. Basil decided that is not going to be him. The cycle of alcoholism in his family stops with him.  

   She meets him at the door. He says to her that I’ve been learning a lot in the program. But I’m going to have to be careful for a while not to re-lapse. She said it seems like you’ve made up your mind that drinking is behind you. Basil took her in his arms and said “I’m so lucky I picked a partner like you. One that will support me through the good and bad times.” She thought to herself, l’m the lucky one my husband really loves me!