A Modern Princess

If you see me on the streets you might think I’m ordinary, normal even. If you do then you believe the mask, the lie if you will. Don’t worry you are not the only one. I have been deceiving people for almost 3 years. The perfect blond cheerleader, the honors roll student, I even had the perfect boyfriend for a while but that was before. Before what you might ask, well I’m getting there. Three years ago I was sitting at the lunch table with some of my friends, it was 8th grade. I thought I was on top of the world. Until she walked in. All of a sudden I found myself looking at girls and being interested in them, romantically. For a popular girl, for the school princess, this was not okay. While other members of the LGBTQ were accepted, If I came out. Well, I couldn't even think about it. So for almost three years I hid, buried myself into the very back of my closet. Then Junior year of high school started. I saw more and more gay couples. It gave me hope. Said hope did not last long. A senior named Rose came out as a bi-sexual, she was previously voted homecoming queen with her now ex-boyfriend. Her Instagram followers dropped, Twitter, Facebook, people stopped sending her streaks. Her social life fell apart, even her boyfriend left her. Soon her place as the queen of high school rested on my shoulders. I was the second most popular girl at school. If only they knew that what “fired” their previous queen was the same thing the newly crowned one was going through. Weeks passed I stayed in my closet with the door locked. Then came November 14th. We had gotten a new transfer student, Her name was Lillian. She was a quiet thing, loved anything colorful. She was beautiful. Not that she knew it, she was shy and wouldn’t talk to most people. On that day it was my job to show her around. I showed her the lockers, her classrooms the library, and the computer center. When I asked her if there were any questions her only response was “Is there an art room?” Her voice was like the rustle of silk cloth. For some reason, I found myself attracted to this girl. Wanting to make her happy I led her to our art room. She took to it instantly. It was like watching someone go home. She was perfectly content with this space, her shoulders loosened up and her posture relaxed significantly. After a moment of browsing through the paints and pencils, she turned to me and started a conversation.

“Do you like to paint?” She asked with that voice. I did not know which side of me to show her so I said “I haven’t had the chance to discover yet” which was not true at all. I used to have gallons of paint and stacks of canvases. I stopped painting when I found out that as the queen of the school my life revolved around stuff like clothes and makeup. It wasn’t who I was but I was able to fit in so I guess it worked. She just clicked her tongue and ran around gathering art supplies. Soon she was at a table with an extra stool motioning for me to come to sit next to her. I hesitantly walked over. She smiled “I won’t bite” grabbed my sleeve and pulled me into the seat next to her. She showed me some simple brush strokes then she set to work. As she painted we talked. She was from New Orleans which is where she fell in love with Jazz and Art. We talked about me and my cheer, how I had won competition after competition. We told stories about old friends and family. She was so emersed in her story she said “And that’s when my ex-girlfriend shoved…” She stopped realizing what she said. We didn’t speak for a moment. Mostly because I was just shocked I did not picture her to be the type of person who was into girls. I cautiously put my hand on hers not noticing the still wet paint that was at the tips of her fingers.

“Do not think for a second that is something to be ashamed of. I will not judge you. I understand” She just gave me a warm smile so I continued “We should hang out sometime”

For a moment she was quiet, I thought she was going to say no. Instead “Yeah I would like that”

3 weeks later

That day I had exchanged phone numbers with Lillian. We texted a lot but I was so busy with school and cheerleading we hadn’t gotten to hang out. We had plans for this afternoon at a little coffee shop down the road from the school and were going to meet there after school. So when the evening bell rang, we walked together down to the coffee shop. There were not many people there in fact for a while it was just us. Something about her just made me feel...Safe. So I told her the truth. That I was a Lesbian. We just looked at each other for a moment and she smiled and took my hand and pulled me to her. She kissed me. Not a kiss more like a whisper of lips. At that moment my cheer team walked in. I pulled away from her hoping to whatever higher powers there might be, that they didn’t see. As much as I liked Lillian. I didn’t think I could stand the whole school at my throat. But by the looks on my squad’s faces, they had seen. Or at least put two and two together. I ran out of the coffee shop dreading the removal of my crown. That night I didn’t sleep well. I had strange dreams. The only one I remember was a man standing in a garden asking if I wanted a chance to change everything, to escape the world I was in now, make it into a better one. He said that some things had to be given up for change to happen. When I woke up I had confidence jumping in my veins. I got to school went straight to Lillian and kissed her. It was a passionate kiss, the kind I had been searching for years to find. The kind that sets fireworks shooting off in your head.

Months passed, Lillian and I had been dating out in the open for a while now. And though I was not the most popular girl at my high school. I was the happiest, I had real friends and a great girlfriend. That is all that mattered. It was my fairytale. The happy ending was not what I expected but it was perfect nonetheless.