The Top Ten Pieces of Clarinet Music to Avoid

We’ve all been there. Searching through thousands of websites for some new and exciting sheet music to learn. Rifling through shelves in the clarinet section of a music store to find that one book of Star Wars music you’ve always wanted to learn. Or maybe you’ve started a new wind band and have to practice a new repertoire. Or perhaps during the current lockdown period, you’re trying to find something different to try to keep your skills improving until rehearsals return, to find a sense of excitement and calm during troubled times.

There are many enjoyable pieces of music to learn. But these are not some of them. Many of the pieces listed here are not enjoyable. In fact, they are very much the opposite. These are some of the most difficult and horrible pieces that I have played on the clarinet over the last fifteen years, and they all strike fear into my heart just thinking of them. I hope you will take this list as a warning and avoid them as best as possible. However, if you still wish to perform these monstrous pieces, then on your own head be it. I did warn you. Here are the top ten pieces of clarinet music to avoid.

1.     Victory at Sea, Richard Rodgers. This piece tells the story of World War Two and its navel forces, from an old television show of the same name. However, it is no mean feat, and is one of the most challenging pieces I have ever encountered. This piece has it all. Anything that can be done to music is included within this piece of music. It encompasses six pages of different dynamics, unusual tempos and some of strangest key signatures known to history. Each section throws new challenges at you with disjointed rhythms, fast accidental combinations and new time signatures at every page turn. Don’t be fooled by the chromatic scales, for these are never complete, and have notes missing to frustrate you even further. And as the piece ties your fingers into knots, you will wonder why Rodgers composed it in the first place, as you slowly lose faith in humanity.

2.     Slavonic Dances, Antonin Dvorak. This is a piece that I believe the composer wrote to torment his orchestra. The Slavonic Dances is a series of several short tunes made for dancing. These pieces may seem easy, but do not be deceived. These are some of the fastest and most intricate melodies I have ever seen, with so many repeats that the tunes will haunt your sleep for years to come.

3.     Schindler’s List, John Williams. This piece may seem simple, but be careful. Cadences trip you up as they leap further and into higher octaves than ever before. This musical score must also be played at the slowest speed in history and at the quietest volume known to man for the emotive feel of the Holocaust. It may sound beautiful, but it is not easy to perform, and is a piece that perhaps it is better left alone.

4.     (The Theme) Swan Lake, Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky composed this piece as part of his famous ballet Swan Lake and occurs many times to accompany Odette/Odile while she is on stage. This piece is meant to capture the gracefulness and beauty of the swan. But the music of the swan does not soar easily on the clarinet. Unusual cadences run throughout this piece, making the beginning of this piece even harder than it needs to be. As it continues, the key signature makes the ascending scale difficult, with no easy way to come back down. You must watch every step to ensure you do not fall, creating a sense of unease as you play it. And just when you think you have finally mastered it; it must be done again for a repeat.

5.     Nimbus 2000, John Williams. This piece is part of the soundtrack for Harry Potter, as part of The Chamber of Secrets, a fast-paced action piece that resounds when Harry is danger. Once again, John Williams strikes fear into the hearts of us all. This piece is tricky, with a multitude of flats and sharps have to be played in quick succession over the side keys of your clarinet that never seem to end. Even further on, there are impossible cadences and strange grace notes thrown into the mix, with more accidentals than you will ever encounter. To do all of this, you must learn the art of tying your fingers into and out of knots as quick as possible, whilst playing the intricate notes and combinations on the page. Only play this if you have perseverance and several hundred hours to spare

6.     Adagio II, Mozart. This is possibly one of the most famous pieces Mozart ever wrote, and one that every clarinettist aspires to learn to play. It can be done, if you know what you are doing, but that does not make it easy, as it is one of the most advanced pieces for clarinet that is out there. It starts easy with some simple slow notes that gracefully ascend and descend from the notes of the highest octave. But it goes downhill from there, with sharps and flats and fast scales in every sequence, especially in the improvisation section. The slow speed may help a little, but this is combined by difficult rhythms and triplets that make the slow tempo seem pointless. As it is so famous, many players fall into a false sense of security and soon realise that they don’t know the piece at all. This piece is meant for professionals, and make take years to learn and perfect even for the most seasoned players, to get the piece exactly right.

7.     The Circle of Life, Hans Zimmer. This piece is one of Hans Zimmer’s most famous, and occurs at the start of The Lion King both in the film and in the musical. Due to the same popularity as Adagio, this piece trips many people up. This is due to the fact that the syncopated rhythms are not the way you expect or remember them to be in the song from your childhood. As a result, bands can spend months relearning this rhythm for it still to be slightly wrong on the night.

8.     Antiphon, Fisher Tull. This piece is one of the strangest I have ever seen, and was suggested as Alison’s favourite. How it can be anyone’s favourite when there is more beautiful music in the world, I do not know. With its strange title and composer and style, you would think it was medieval. But this was written in the 60s. It is meant to be discordant. But even so, it still doesn’t sound right. Further on, there is a chord that scrapes nails against chalkboard. It is a horrible combination of notes that shouldn’t exist. This piece is not music. It is something else. It’s great for trying new things but never do it in a concert. Nobody will enjoy it, not even the band.

9.     Sleigh Ride, Leroy Anderson. This piece is a Christmas song, and by that means it should be joyful and exciting. Sure, it sounds it. But you will not feel like it afterwards, I can tell you. This piece must be played at the speed of sound to capture the fast-moving sleigh rides at Christmas. But to do so, you must ascend and descend scales of high notes of strange rhythms quickly. And later on, you must manage speedy changes of flats and sharps which can often be fiddly with unusual combinations. And that’s not even mentioning the odd trills in the middle section for 3^rd clarinet. It can be done. but there are simpler and less exhausting pieces of Christmas music available.

10. Incantation and Dance, John Barnes Chance. This was something that I discovered in a wind band, that I wish I hadn’t. This piece includes some of the highest notes ever known to the clarinet, reaching new heights that often squeak in protest. Following these are a multitude of scales that are almost chromatic. But not quite. Notes are missed out and strange combinations of accidentals occur at regular intervals that will frustrate you with every attempt. The highest notes to clarinet return at the end for one of the longest trills I have ever encountered. And every time, it will be played differently, with new mistakes each time.

If you still wish to perform these monstrous pieces, then on your own head be it. But you should beware. Even if you tame these beasts, you may have to play them again and fight with them each time to get them right. And soon you will see, as I have seen, that perhaps it would have been better to avoid these pieces after all.