A Bearly Bearable Spring Equinox

Bright yellow light streamed through my eyelids. I groaned and tossed around. "Just five more minutes, baby,” I told my totally hot wife.

“But, my buns are getting cold!”

“OK, I’m comin’,” I said.

“You know how to treat me right."

“Yeah, I do, baby!” I said and I opened my eyes and stared into the bright blue sky.

“Spring!” I said, stood up, and sprinted out of my dark den. I romped around the meadow and smelled the flowers.

BUZZ!

I looked and jumped back as a bee flew around.

“Sorry little dude!”

“S’alright,” he said as I trotted away.

I romped around some more. Butterflies fluttered and I chased them. They flew as I bit at them.

“Hey, Matt!” I looked as Alex hopped over.

“’Sup, Alex?”

“Well, you finally woke up! Eight months have treated you well!"

“Hey! I wasn't asleep the whole winter! I listened to Frank Zappa and chatted with my other buds online.”

“So, you were a slacker. Pretty much what you do every day.”

I slugged his shoulder and he fell over.

“Ow!” he cried.

“You're lucky I didn’t use my full strength.”

“Whatever… I could take you down!” Alex squinted and sniffed the air with his brown little nose. “Isn’t Spring just wonderful?”

“Yeah.” I rolled around on the grass.

“Aah, feel the warm sun!”

“I know, dude!”

I took a deep breath. “Spring is awesome!”

Alex scratched his head with his foot. “I could just lay here all day!”

“Yeah, dude,” my stomach growled. “Breakfast time! You comin’?”

“Naw, man, I’m gonna veg out for a bit.”

“OK, suit yourself,” I said and ran into the forest. I rushed to the stream. “Breakfast time!”

Pink salmon swam up.

I raised my claw and spotted a plump, juicy one. Licking my lips, I waited

until it swam over, then I swiped it up in my claw.

“Hey, you jerk! Let me go!”

“No, you're about to be breakfast!” I said, and raise the fish to my mouth.

BAM! I felt its fin connect to my jaws and I dropped the little punk. “Why you…” I

frantically grabbed for him but he scurried away.

 “Damnit! Lost him!” I splashed the water.

“Hey, grumpy bear!” a squeaky voice said, and a blue hippo appeared floating above the water.

I stumbled back, tripped on something, and fell on my stomach.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

“Who are you?”

“The name’s Harry Larry and I’m your friend.”

“My friend?”

“Uh-huh.”

"How can you be my friend? I don’t know you.”

“Yet.“

“What?”

"You don’t know me, yet.”

“Alright.”

“It’s the first day of spring, so let's have some fun!”

The sky turned red.

“What happened?”

“Fun has started.”

A cow appeared. “Moo, you want some milk?”

I jumped back again. “What?”

“He asked you if you want some milk, silly,” Harry Larry said.

“No, thanks.”

 Alex hopped to me. “Dude, you see the sky?”

“I've noticed.”

“What happened?” Alex asked and looked at the hippo, “And who are you?”

“I’m Harry Larry and I did this.”

“What?”

“I turned the sky red.”

“How? And why?”

Harry Larry opened his huge mouth to reply, but a tiger wearing a top hat appeared. “Happy first day of spring! Might I have a cup of sugar?”

Harry Larry tap-danced on the grass and a black and white cup appeared in his hand. “Here ya go!”

“Why, thank you, Harry.” The tiger grabbed the cup, waved his other paw and a bottle

appeared. “This is prune juice.” He dumped the sugar in. “Want some?”

“No, thanks,” I replied.

“Alrighty.” He took a sip.

“Who are you?”

“Name’s Tiger Bob, I’m his brother.” He smiled at Harry Larry.

“OK?”

“Oh! I see a wolf. I gotta go! Ta-ta!” The tiger disappeared.

“What's happening?” I asked.

A yellow toucan flew to Alex and snatched him up.

“ALEX!” I shouted.

“Don’t fret! I’ll rescue him!”

Harry Larry waved his hand. A box of Ritz crackers appeared. “YO, BIRD!” he shouted, but the bird ignored him. “LOOK WHAT I’VE GOT!” The bird continued flying. "HEY!” He whistled and shook the box. The bird flew further away with Alex.

"DO SOMETHING ELSE!” I shrieked, gripping his chubby arm.

Harry Larry looked up as Alex fell. “I got you.” Harry Larry soared up and grabbed my friend, then he floated down.

“Alex!” I said and hugged him.

“Thank God!”

“Hey, thanks for saving me," Alex said, looking at Harry Larry.

“Yeah, thank you, Larry.”

“No problem.”

“What the Hell is Happening? A cow appeared and offered me milk, then a tiger offered me prune juice, and a freakin’ toucan grabbed my friend.”

A yellow kangaroo wearing sunglasses hopped out. “Hey, Harry Larry! My man! What's up?”

“Nuttin. Just chillin' with my homies.”

“Excuse me?” I blurted out.

“Yeah, you're my homie."

“No, I’m not. I don't know you."

“Yeah, you are.”

“No, really, I'm not!”

He slugged my shoulder. “Yeah, you are.”

“Whatever.”

“Well, are you his friend, or not?” the kangaroo asked.

“No, I don’t know him.”

“Oh, well, happy Spring Equinox!”

“Thank you.”

“How do you celebrate?”

“Well, I guess I run around, enjoying the warm sunshine.”

“Ah, that is good. I eat dead horses every equinox.”

“O…K.” I back away from the kangaroo.

“Their nutrients give me POWA!” He flexed his muscles.

“Yeah, they do!” Harry Larry fist-bumped him.

The yellow kangaroo shoved his hand in his pouch and pulled a pocket watch out. “I gotta go to my yoga class. They're serving hot French fries!”

“OK, man. See ya later.”

“Byeeeee!" He hopped away.

Harry Larry looked at me. “Why did you tell him you weren't my homie?”

“Because you're not!”

“You have a great sense of humor.”

“I’m not joking!”

”Sure you are!”

“No, I’m not!”

“But, you'd like to be my friend, wouldn't you?”

“Not really.”

“Why?”

“Um, you're not my type, I guess?”

“Not my type?”

“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

“But, I want you.”

“I’m afraid it's not going to work.”

“Oh, I see.”

 “So, I’m just gonna go, now.”

“Yeah, bye.”

I walked away with Matt.

 “I’m glad that's over.”

“Yeah, but did you have to tell him the truth?”

“What?”

“You could've said you couldn’t hang out with him now.”

“But, everything was getting weird.”

“Yeah, but you could’ve been nicer about it.”

“Dude, a yellow toucan swept you up!"

“What's that got to do about it?”

 “It was dangerous.”

“Yeah, you have a point.”

“Anyway, I'm going back for my breakfast. My fish escaped.”

“OK, I'll come along,” Alex replied and followed.

We strolled to the stream and I prepared to catch a fish.

Everything became dark. We looked up. “Hey, what's with the sky?”

The wind started to howl.

A huge, pink cloud formed. We gasped. “If I can't be your friend, then you must die!”

“HOLY SHIT! RUN!” I screamed and we dashed off as the pink tornado chased us. Pink goo flew over our heads. I looked back in time for it to fly into my mouth. Yogurt? The twister continued shooting the pink stuff at us as we swerved around a huge oak tree.

Thunder boomed behind as a glob of yogurt almost hit Alex. Green lightning

zapped a tree, turning it into a pink alligator.

"AAAAAHHHHH" We screamed and swerved just as the giant snapper lunged huge jaws at us.

My heart pounded in my furry chest like Congo drums as I busted through a low branch.

“You might as well give up.”

The wind continued howling.

A ghost frog, wearing a crown appeared. “Here, take this sword and slash the tornado.”

“Why?”

“Slash the tornado with this sword.”

“’No way, I'll die!”

“Then throw this bomb at the tornado.”

“Better than a sword,” I muttered and grabbed it.

“BOOM BOOM SHALAKALAZOOMY!” the ghost frog yelled and a fuse ignited.

I yelped.

“THROW IT NOW!”

I heaved the bomb into the tornado.

“DAMN YOU, GHOST FROG!” Harry Larry screamed. 

KABOOM!

Greenlight spread everywhere. I shielded my eyes. Then, it vanished.

The sky turned blue.

“What happened to—"

Blood, intestines, and body parts rained down. We screamed. An eye landed inches from my toes. I jumped back.

“Let's get out of here!” Alex said and we dashed off.