A short in joint

Submitted into Contest #60 in response to: Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.... view prompt

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Historical Fiction Adventure Funny

He was born on August, 56 years ago.when he was young, His education stopped at year two in secondary school. He joined retail business on his own after about three years of hustling, Looking for customers for other trades and taking commissions. Initially, lt looked as if he was making it but his show off life style wasnt helping his saving. He was living way off above his income. He was ladies man, training some girls in school with hope of future marriage. When his money finished, he was told by some of the girls he was catering for in school that shoes has size. He found out on his own that class has changed. how doyou expect me to marry beneath my status? one asked him. Status! Whether education or money status, no one knows.

Loss of confidence in himself as a man made him to start wondering if all is well with him in the head. He prides himself as a man that achieves anything he sets out to achieves. How come he did not see that he means nothing to all those girls he was liquidating his business for, apart as an end meeting source. Anger and self pity made him not to concentrate on his recovery. the retail business kept going under until it was gone.

According to some expert, poverty, over thinking and alcohol are best of friends. Not long, one early morning, this three companions came to pay our friend a visit. He refused to open door for them, citing lack of chairs as an excuse. They told him not to worry,' That they came with chairs'. That was how poverty, alcoholism and over thinking came to stay in the life of this young man then. 

Over thinking was the first to got hold of him. All his past actions and how he will handle them differently if giving the opportunity again constantly play themselves out in his head disturbing his life. From minimizing his outings to shunning them outrightly. This young man will stay indoor all most all day talking to himself. Calculating on his head how much he spent on the girls, alcohol and other vanities, wishing that he had been saving them. According to one of his soliloquies, the money he spent twenty years ago, entertaining his friends on one particular occasion is enough to pay six month rents and start small business.

From reminiscing to cheap gins. since money and friends has taking flight, he turn to cheap gins locally known as KIA KIA. That cheap brews no one knows their source. The producers were taking precautions against government burst, So, only very few knows the source of what they are drinking. The people that patronize this joints are well versed in politics, at least to Their kind. KIA KIA joints are normally situated near newspaper stands. Each morning, many of them will gather around newspaper stand making noise. Discussing noisily one headline they read wrongly and understood wrongly. 

At times, their number in one particular spot will start diminishing and they will not show any sign that who they have been seeing and discuss politics with dont come to the joint again. They know that hunger and KIA KIA has sent the person to the world beyond.

They die in large numbers and their places taken in record times. They die from all manners of chronic diseases. Like high blood pressure, heart failure, liver disease, stroke, cancer, digestive problem etc. they drink for many reasons too. Some said it help them to get by. Some claim it is for religious reason.

They claim seriously that when Christ performed his first miracle in Canaan, he did not turn water into baccus, fanta or Heineken. The water was turn into KAI KAI they claimed. According to them, no verse in the bible mentioned of the wine turned from water being red or dark in color, which means that the water retained it's color, only the taste changed. The logic is simply, it was undisputably KAI KAI  

Those brothers and sisters that left this life through KAI KAI has great rewards awaiting them in heaven. Our reminiscing brother has myth in mind when he started frequenting the joint. He made up his mind to be true to the religious doctrine of KAI KAI for even when spear pierced the scared side of Jesus Christ, it was blood and KAI KAI uninformed referred to as water came out. Our brother believed that he cannot miss earth and stupidly miss heaven too. He decided to follow KAI KAI to it logical end.

In Africa, the equivalent of winter season is harmattan season. Usually between the months of November to march. Those in KAI KAI Business always smile to the banks during harmattan season. All the stake holders connected directly or indirectly to the KAI KAI business like Police, Court, Doctors, Undertakers and food and drug agencies were usually happy during this period. their pockets were always full. This KAI KAI season will see a lot of fraud cases with police or court usually getting involved. The students that go to the imported Liquor Stores to buy what they thought is imported gin, usually found at their chagrin that it was KAI KAI that is inside the bottle of a well known foreign brand that they bought. At times, the buyers and sellers will get the police involved. From there to court.

Every family usually buy one they can afford and keep in their house, especially at their country side house. It is a tradition to have KAI KAI in each house in the village.it serves as a buffer to those visitors that wants to create holes in your pocket through drinks. It is a must in every traditional event. Even poor people that cannot afford cartons of Beer uses KAI KAI as alternatives without being looked down upon.

The joint serve as information gathering centers too. In country side, it is a place to gather information about what is happening in the villages or what is said about you or issues that concerns you. In urban cities, it is an information gathering arena for the police and other security agencies 

Our remmiscence brother okii found solace in this joints both at the city and village that it become part and parcel of his existence. He could not even pay house lent fully now, the house owner decided to shift him to one room apartment. From there he was shifted back to his country side house for it is evident to the landlord that if he stays much longer in his house, he will die there. Back in his village, he can at least afford food while begging for a short in joint. If he is lucky he will be given. If not, he will have to wait for another day to fulfill his religious duty. One day, the rumour has it that while Okii was sick, the tablets the doctor gave him to take, he used KAI KAI as water to take the tablet and ended up fighting for his life seriously at the hospital. 

September 21, 2020 21:51

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You introduced the character perfectly, like I'm unfurling a scroll as I read.

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