The night there was almost no light

The night there was almost no light

Mikey drove his car through a pole one day. He says he never saw it coming, claims there was no other way. But the truth is clear, his car is smashed and the pole fell flat, and the transformer nearby went blast. In fact, the entire town went dark, to the great joy of each and every bat, save for one house at the end of the street, whose lights stayed on, an improbable feat.

Would it surprise everyone to know that Mikey and the owners of this house, the one at the end of the street were friends? It shouldn’t, it couldn’t, it wouldn’t surprise a single soul, not Rich, not Myra, not Stella and certainly not Dan, and it didn’t escape the notice of the investigators extraordinaire, who took on the case. 

But Mikey, not one for subterfuge and hiding away thoughts, that one will tell you there is a wart on your face and grab a brick to knock it off if given the chance. That Mikey, he is not one for quiet and running deep of still waters. Not to say that Mikey doesn’t have a synapse or two still firing or that he isn’t a member of Mensa and was a philosophy major at Columbia, all true. But Mikey, he will tell you the time of day it is, and make sure you see the truth, even if he has to rip your arm off to show you your watch. He isn’t one for secrets, is what I mean telling, and Mikey, he claimed to not know the people that lived in the house, the house at the end of the street. 

So, the investigators extraordinaire, the IE’s, they had a true mystery on their hands. Mikey, usually sober as a bat during midday, was acting like a bat, high on the sudden shock of a darkness display. First he was hot under the collar, then he was steaming at the gills, then he burned a hole in his sock, before finally he was humming like an electric shock. He was mad, to say it plain. He has busted his car, wrenched his neck a bit and had three toes that pointed towards the wrong pole. They were a completely wrong compass. Good thing we don’t find our way by looking at our toes, cause Mikey would be lost. 

But Mikey was also saying, he didn’t do it on purpose, and he doesn’t know what happened, and those folks, the ones who live in that house at the end of the street, he don’t know them, and couldn’t identify one of their names, and he wasn’t even close. And he wasn’t so opposite that it was obvious he knew. You know how when people lie about seeing a duck named Robert fall asleep on the feet of a woman named Roberta, you know that old tale, well when they know what happened and they lie, they might say, No, but I do know about a spaceman named Bill who could juggle ten baseballs and maybe a duck, I don’t know, and I think I saw them near the pond where you say a duck named Bill fell asleep on the feet of a woman named Roberta. Well obviously, they would be lying and that is how the IE’s solved the case of the duck named Robert falling asleep on the feet of a woman named Roberta. A groundbreaking case it was to tell, and they solved it because the folk who did it, lied not wisely and not at all very well. 

Mikey though, he was lying in such a bad way that he could only be telling the truth. As improbable as it may seem, said one IE to another, I actually believe him. So do I, returned the other, and they were stumped. The car, Mikey’s car, ran straight into the pole with the transformer. The tire treads clearly show it. There was no movement, no resistance, no avoidance, no screeching gaps of grass where the brakes would have ground into the earth. It even appears as if he accelerated, foot flat on the gas, like he was focused, like he concentrated.  No, the IE’s were thoroughly stumped, more stumped than in a while, more than when up the ranks they were bumped, for solving that whole bit with the duck and the woman who three feet in the air jumped.  Can you blame her, she was expecting a whole other duck to fall asleep on her feet, Robert, the duck Robert, he tried to sneak himself a little treat, so he took a seat. It didn’t go well for Robert, he jumped even higher than three feet and bumped his wing on a rather stern tree, when he tried to flee. No need for concern, Robert was just fine and all turned to right in its own time. 

But that was a while back now and these IE’s, they have learned a thing or two. They don’t get stumped so easily, they don’t get confused. So, they simply can’t figure out how Mikey didn’t know that he was driving his car straight for the transformer and that it would cause the car and the pole to be completely fused. He has to know them, he has to know the people, the ones who live in that house at the end of the street, said one IE. Agreed, yes, he has to know them, the people who lived at the end of the street, or they had to know him. 

Ah, both IE’s said, and they realized they had been looking long way round. They had been staring at toes that backwards go, and not looking to the North Star above. Why don’t we go and see those people, the ones who live at the end of the street, and have a little chat, one IE said. Yes, said the other, just ask them a few questions, a bit of this, a bit of that, see if we can’t figure out more clues, that we can use, to make sure we find the right party to accuse. 

Off they went to the house at the end of the street, walking through the rain, through mud, pushing off correctly directed toes of uninjured feet. Knock they did hard on the door, loud enough to be heard on each and every floor. Hello, an IE said, Is anybody there, said the other. There was silence for a good long while, the two IE’s took to whistling to pass the time, one took to whittling, the other walked about for a half mile. Maybe they will think we have gone way, they told each other with looks, for this is how you communicate when you have partnered for so long, not everything is easily taught in Investigator Extraordinaire books. 

After some time, they knocked again, this time more friendly like and stared through some windows to see if any body caught their sight. This took a minute or two, no one really took to counting especially since Mikey took both of their watches. But eventually, up to the door, they heard steps on the floor and no doubt without question, there was someone opening the door. 

Can I help you Investigators, what takes you out here so far, to the end of the street on this marvelous bright night. 

Well wouldn’t you know it, they couldn’t believe it, their eyes were shocked to see it, it was Roberta, of the duck who slept on her feet, standing right before them, eyes as shadowed as shadows, and arms covered in tiny welts. She staggered a bit, swaying too and fro, she had surely been enjoying a pint, drinking in all of her light. Now, the IE’s are a respectable bunch and they hold Roberta in high esteem, she was very helpful to them during their big break and they consider her one of the team. But something didn’t seem quite right, about this night, about this sight, about that this is the only house in town that has any light.  

Do you know Mikey, with the red truck, the one who drives it around all fancy, always lookin’ for a fight, said one IE. Yes, do you know Mikey, with the fire decals and fiery fuel, the one who went to Mensa and vomited on a Rubik’s cube. They looked at her clear in the face. They could see her, what with the light all over the place. She said, Mikey, why no, I don’t think I know a Mikey, I know a spaceman named Riley and he drives a bronco with ice and pretty sure he likes to vomit on freshly made rice, yes, I know a Riley, but certainly not a Mikey who vomits at Mensa, nor do I know such a Mikey who sleeps with all the women he can-sa. 

Well, huh, is what the IE’s thought, and they knew, they knew she was lying. It was all over her face, it was all everywhere, and they knew cause there was so much light in that place. That was when they heard a sound, it wasn’t a foul sound, like a violent smack, nor was it a hungry sound, like someone going for a snack, but it was distinctive and clear and easy to track, and instantly Roberta turned away and showed her back and all too loudly shushed to cover the sound, of a clear, of an obvious, of a no doubt in anywhere up or down, of an unquestionable easy to notice Quack. There it was a second time and a third at that. The IE’s now knew the score and they politely moved through the door. And there on the floor, for sure, flying near the brightest light it was none other than our famous duck of yore. Robert, the fiend who sleeps on the feet of women named Roberta. The welts on her arms were pecks of amore. The two were in love, it was clear to see, one didn’t need toes pointing above for any of that to see. Roberta, said one IE, clearly shaken and indeed his heart was breaking. What gives, said the other, equally quaking. 

And Roberta told the tale, she spilled her guts and came clean out of the veil. All the while Robert sat on the chair, his wing holding her hand, clearly with her taking a stand. Roberta had not been so offended when Robert took to her feet. Sure she was startled and uncertain quite how to feel. And Robert, he meant no offense, he had a natural limp in his step and in an effort to speak to a person he wanted better to know, stumbled over and ended up in a place he should not go. It was all so innocent, you see, they both echoed simultaneously. As it turns out the real story of that day, the one that gave the IE’s so much fame, was that Roberta was upset, in pain, she was hurt and everyone knew exactly who to blame. Mikey. 

Mikey wasn’t all bad news, but he didn’t abide by relationship rules and took to taking many women to his room. Now Roberta, not being a damsel in distress, not being a dame easily taken to emotional pain, felt this shock more than she thought. She had fallen head over heels for Mikey and Mikey hadn’t fallen anywhere near to that same spot. She was naturally hurt, confused, and in terrible pain, Robert cried out and he began to cry to further show he loved not in vane. Throughout this whole interview they held each other close and their stories matched up, unlike Mikey’s toes. 

But how did you do it, how did you get the lights to stay on and for Mikey to crash his car, and turn all those lights through all of the town. Well, we have a generator, you see, so we knew what was to happen and set it up in advance. Ah, said the IE’s, that makes sense, but how did you do the rest.

And the rest, well, it isn’t that important as to how it all came together. Robert and Roberta did a spell in jail for their obvious crimes, and paid back every cent lost, and it was quite a big cost.  They stayed in love through all the incarceration fun. The judge went easy on them and made sure one cell was to the other right above, as in one to the other, on top of. The lights were returned to as normal as anyone can do and Mikey’s toes now easily fit into sandals. And Robert and Roberta got off for good time, because they really did everything, including cushion up the truck, to ensure that Mikey wouldn’t be too fucked up. And maybe, who knows, maybe Mikey learned his lesson, not to treat poorly a loving woman. But maybe not, Mensa though he is, he isn’t too bright. But hopefully now he remembers and keeps it close to his inner sight, and tries with all his might, to blot out some of his personal blights, both deep and trite, and he learns all the lessons he can, from the night there was almost no light.