The Human Condition

He turned to look at her, paused for a moment as if to rethink what he had said and then shook his hand and closed the door behind him.

She stared at the shut door from where she sat on the sofa, it seemed so far away and yet it was not. The door was right there, 4, maybe 5 feet from her. She could very easily cross it, put her slippers on and run out the door after him. He would not have gone very far, most likely pacing back and forth in the lobby of the building. She could take the lift down, anxious but very well sure that he would be furiously striding to reception and back. And she knew that the moment she said something, he would stop. He would stop, and he would stare, and he would wait. But it would be something, a start to the conversation they had prolonged for a while now, unknowingly procrastinating it and nervously dancing around the topic whenever it came up. And even though she knew all this, she sank further down into the sofa. The door was just too far away, she reasoned.

He was too angry this time, he would not listen, why would he? Excuses fluttered through her mind as she wrapped her hands around her head. Maybe what they needed was space, actual physical space, to individually work through everything, as capable adults.

She stayed seated on the sofa for a couple more minute before resignedly standing up and walking to the kitchenette. She kept her eyes on the ground, looking out for any stray pieces of ceramic that may pierce the underside of her feet. Opposite the fridge in the corner was a storage closet packed to the brim with supplies stockpiled for various emergency scenarios but rarely used. In front of the junk however was a frayed broom and a paint-stripped dustpan. She pried them out carefully, making sure not to disturb the fragile assembly that held the items in the closet together. Shutting the closet door, she walked back to the ‘accident’ area in the living room.

The vase had shattered bottom first, and so the top half was still intact, minor scratches notwithstanding. She picked up the remaining single piece slowly and examined the damage. Running her fingers over the rough artwork etched onto the surface in blue tones, she felt tired. It had been a long day, and the events of the day were catching up to her just then. The sudden exhaustion was overwhelming her and in order to not drop the sole piece of vase left, she got up and gently placed it onto the dining table nearby.

She shook her head to ward of the oncoming wave of fatigue and starting to sweep the pieces of glass onto the dustpan. Once they were all gathered in, she shook them off onto the dustbin and threw the broom and dustpan back into the closet. The sleepy mood was highly disregardful of any sort of concern and she walked away amidst the clatter erupting from within.

As she made her way back to the bedroom, she noticed the book peaking out from underneath the three-seater sofa. She deduced that it must have slid underneath after hitting against the vase, and pulled it out. She flipped through the pages and then glanced at the door. She was worried about where he might have gone to, and whether he was okay but she knew that hunting him down right then would not be a good idea. She noticed the scratch on the palm of her right hand, and her attention shifted. Pressing down on the wound using her left thumb, she attempted to pseudo-massage the sting but she knew it would be of no help. She breathed out a sigh and threw down the book onto the coffee table before heading into the bedroom.

She curled up under the covers and steadied her breathing pattern before turning out the night lamp. In the darkness she could hear the solitary nature of her presence in the room, as if there was a gaping hole right where something, rather, someone else should have been. Her fingers crept out, slowly, feeling their way through the cold bedsheet to the other side. They grazed the empty pillow and hovered over the brightly colored duvet, a stark contrast to her own muted one.

“I have done everything, everything…. humanly possible to make this work but sometimes, it’s just not enough is it?”

She shivered slightly in the cold and blinked several times before finally closing her eyes and letting sleep take over.

4 HOURS AGO

“Are you ready yet? You know it starts in 40 minutes or so, and it takes half an hour to get there plus parking….we’ll never make it” He tapped his foot on the tiled floors, his dress shoes reverberating the noise throughout the house. He heard her call out something from the bedroom but could not really make out what she said.

“What is it? Do you have pins in your mouth again? You know that’s dangerous right?”

“I don’t have pins in my mouth, and I’m done, flipping hell.”

He could hear her clearer now, she was walking towards the living room, her perfume entering the space before her.

“Damn, well, look at you Mr. Henley, you clean up very nice”, she was grinning as she remarked, her eyes casting a sweeping glance across.

“So do you Ms. Chatterjhee, now can we leave?”

“Chatterjee, Henley, how many times have I told you?”

“I’m sorry, now let’s go.” He looked at her, opened the door and gestured the way out. At her reluctance, he added in, “Please?”

They made their way out towards the basement, heels tapping on the concrete floor almost as if following an invisible rhythm, his final remarks echoing across the hallway, “for someone with special abilities, you’d think we’d have made it out an hour ago.”

And then a sudden grunt as the elevator doors dinged.

---------------------------------------------------

In the car, she buckles herself and checks the mirror before changing the gear and backing out of the parking spot.

“I hope I don’t mess it up tonight.” She looks at him for a second and then back on the road, the uncertainty evident in her statement.

“Don’t worry about it, I mean, what’s the worst that can happen, Chatterjeee?”

“Not funny”, she peeked at him again, her eyes rolled upwards in exasperation. She pressed down on the honk, releasing her frustration at the car who cut in line in front of her.

“Your mom called when you were in the bathroom, she wasn’t too happy to hear from me, but said she might come down next week.”

She knew he was looking at her, scrutinizing her face for her reaction as she tightened her lips and breathed a little harder through her nose. Sensing her unease, he put his hands over hers on the gear shift.

“Hey, hey, listen, you’ll be fine, Mika, you just have to go up on stage, read the lines they give you, introduce the next guy and leave. Only thing you’ve got to worry about is your dress getting caught up in your heels, everything else is smooth sailing.”

“Hilarious”, she said it with a scoff but she had stopped grinding down on her teeth. As her jaw relaxed, she sat back in her seat and waited out the traffic that was piling up in front of them.

“Bet you wish you could zip through the streets right now.” He stroked her hands as he commented, his fingers tracing an unrecognizable pattern on the back of her right hand.

“Of course, I do, this traffic is ridiculous!”

“But not in those heels though.”

She laughed, and nodded as she replied, “Definitely, not in these heels,”

-----------------------------------------------

When they arrived, the guests had mostly arrived, as the seats in the theatre were beginning to fill up. They held on to each other as the crowd pushed them through to the front, where the hosts were to be sat. As they pushed through, she heard a voice call out,

“Anamika! Russell!”

They both turned to look as a red-headed lady with horn-rimmed glasses made her way to them.

Mika stepped forward towards the woman, hands extended to welcome her in. They briefly hugged and the lady adjusted her clipboard, glanced at Russell and began to read from her papers, rattling out information as they became relevant.

“I’m so glad you made it, you’re just in time, Anamika. I hope the ride here was uneventful, you look great. You too, Russell. You will both be seated in the first row, seats G & F. I’ll have Amber take you down to your seats”, she gestured to her assistant standing behind, attempting to shield the lady against the persistent flow of incoming guests.

“Just to let you know, they will be showing a video of you and the other Supers from the Helsinki mission. It’s where you got to shine really, so that the audience reacts to give you the proper exposure we’ve been working towards all these months. After that, you’ll walk up through the stairs on the right, and these are your lines.”

She handed Mika a black piece of rectangular card paper that had 4 lines printed on it. She stepped to the side as an elderly lady tried to pass through beside them. Mika looked around to see if they could maybe move to a side to continue the discussion, but the lady kept going, disregarding the commotion around them.

“Make sure you pronounce his name right, it’s Mai-ro, not Mee-ro. And also, you’re seated next to Vincent Russo, make sure to shake his hands at the least. His talk show would be good for you, strengthen your individual brand you know?”

Mika nodded her head, but glanced at Russell as she did so, this was turning out to be a bigger deal than they though and it was reflected in both their faces right now.

“Uh, Aiden, you didn’t tell me it was going to be as big as this. I don’t think we were prepared for this.” She squeezed Russell’s hand as she said this.

Aiden looked at them and then at the crowd, her eyes searched through the people finding their seats at the front and then turned back to them, “Yeah, it’s pretty big, but that’s good for you. You haven’t had the same run the others have had, you’re the new Super, they need to get used to seeing you around. Also Russel will not be sitting next to you, he’ll be two rows behind. We need to sit you between Vincent and Méro obviously.”

Before either of them could react, Aiden nudged Amber and gave her a couple of papers, “Take them to their seats and hand these to Grant and Helen. Okay then, I will see you both later.” And with that, she weaved through the crowds and disappeared.

Watching her leave, Russell turned to Mika and said underneath his breath, “I guess that means we missed the canapes.”

Mika smiled, glad to have had him break the tension that had been suffocating them as soon as they had arrived. She turned to him and squeezed his hands, “I’m sorry she’s making you sit behind, I told her about this before. She’s annoying sometimes, she’s got some weird ideas, let me talk to her actually, I’m pretty sure we ca- “

“It’s fine, look,” Russell nodded at the stage behind them, “this is a big night, I don’t think we should make a big deal. I’m good with taking a backseat today, it’s your night. Text me if you need anything, I’ll fight Vincent Rusko if I have to, don’t worry about it.” He nudged her towards Amber who had been waiting for them.

“Russo”, she laughed as she turned to follow Amber through the crowd and towards her seat.

30 MINUTES AGO

She turned the key in the lock and opened the door, taking a deep breath as they walked into the apartment. Kicking her shoes off, she head to the fridge to pour herself a glass of cold water.

“Do you want anything?”

“No, I’m good.” His response came through quickly, causing her to glance up and look at him. He was sitting down on the sofa, fingers knotted together, eyes closed and head bowed as if in deep meditation. She had noticed that he had been quiet for a while now, the entire car journey back had been filled by radio chatter which was unusual for them.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I think I’ll take a walk actually; you should head to bed first.”

He was pointedly not looking at her now, and she knew something had gone wrong somewhere. As he head towards the door, she laid down the glass she was holding and stepped in front of him.

“Hey, hey, hey, talk to me. Don’t go silent Russ on me, come on.” She held his arm, urging him to talk to her instead of shutting her out, as he was prone to do.

“It’s nothing, I’m just going for a walk okay? I’ll be back.”

“I can’t, I know there’s something. I just want you to tell me, maybe we can discuss it and come up with something.”

“We can’t, let me just get through, Mika, come on.”

“No, not until you talk.”

She stood in front of him, arms spread out, as if she could somehow entrap him if he tried to get past her.

He nudged her aside to walk past and she ran to the door and locked it, barricading it using herself.

“Mika, move aside. Please.” His voice had gotten lower, he was serious about this. But the frustration in hers had arisen as well.

“You never tell me anything, Russ, talk to me. Every time we go out to some of my events, something happens. I know it does, but you never tell me. Maybe I can help, maybe I can do something.”

He stopped trying to move her and looked at her. She could not make out what he was feeling but she knew he was hurt somehow, and it was bothering her.

“Mika, you can’t solve everything in the world, and this is my problem, I’ll deal with it.”

“You can’t deal with everything on your own, Russ”, she took his hand, to offer comfort through touch, perhaps, she thought, it would ease whatever anxiety he was feeling.

“Then explain this”, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a magazine. It had her on the cover, big bold letters in the front stating: ‘New Super on the Block: Mika to the Rescue’.

She did not know what to say, she dropped his hand and grabbed the magazine.

“You promised me, Mika, when we went into this, you would do this the right way. No cheap stunts or publicity buy-outs. We’d do it to help people, actual needy people. This isn’t helping people, tonight, wasn’t helping people.”

She looked up at him, her resolve wavering, “Look, it isn’t what it looks like, Aiden told me- “

“I don’t care what Aiden says, we had a deal. Look, the event was fine, but I saw you in there talking to Vincent and the others. You were selling yourself, Mika, you’re turning into every other Super.”

She knew he was right, subconsciously, she knew. But right then, after the high of the evening she had just had, she felt as if his words cut too deep.

“What the hell do you mean? I’m turning into every other Super? Are you goddamn serious?”, she felt her voice rise, “After everything I’ve done, after all the things we’ve been through? After all those times, I nearly broke every single bone in my body going off on our plans?”

Her voice began to quiver as her temperature rose and she could feel her hands tremble.

“How easy is it for you to say all that, when I’ve got a bullet stuck in my skull, that will never be taken out? I can run at the speed of light but can’t apparently outrun a bullet!”

As she spilled out these unintentional sentiments, her hands violently jerked and the magazine flew out of her hands and into the Turkish vase that sat right in the middle of the table.

The crash of the vase against the floor caused both of them to wince as the sound echoed around the room. She walked towards the vase, her steps slowly leading her to the sofa and she took a seat.

“I’m sorry, Mika, I know it’s hard for you. But every single day you’re out there putting your life on the line, I die a little inside too. That’s why we had the rules, so that I never, ever, have to go through what I went through in Helsinki. Seeing you, like that, it damn well broke me.”

She watched him run his fingers through his hair as if from somewhere far away. The outburst had taken all her energy and she felt powerless sitting on that sofa.

“And you’re right, we talk a lot, but we don’t communicate. I don’t know how to go about fixing that, Mika. I have done everything, everything….humanly possible to make this work but sometimes, it’s just not enough is it?”

As if he realized the extent of what he had just said, his eyes opened wide. Fumbling with his jacket, he fiddled with the lock on the door. He turned to look at her, paused for a moment as if to rethink what he had said and then shook his hand and closed the door behind him.

The End