African American Drama Funny

Borborygmi? Nah, it seemed like my tummy was rebelling against my very existence, shittt! Arghh, maybe I just needed to do that, would have relieved me of that unbidden discomfort.

Heading towards the lavatory made me ponder on the unusual feeling I had been experiencing all morning, now this? "What if physiology and psyche coalesce? I mean, thoughts, feelings and emotions are products of chemicals, the D.O.S.E. Physiology has chemicals at it's core, so it's plausible that they interact. “Whoa! I'm hitting on the next Nobel Prize, too much sense will not be the end of me", I was just thinking out aloud.

I wasn't in the best mood to step out that day and with the gastroenteritis, I thought it best to sit it out. "Ohh, come on, the gastroenteritis is just another excuse you always proffer", I said to myself.

It's a new year and I had decided to do away with procrastination. My new theme was 'Just do it' like my favorite designer, NIKE. However I still couldn't do away with the odd feeling, so I ensured to take proper precautions as I had the journey planned out. I was going to sit at the door side so I'd be the first to rescue myself in case of a road mishap. No ear buds in so I'll be at utmost alert. My hoodies, joggers and face cap for a cushion effect, I wasn't taking chances.

Hit the road some minutes past 9am, the air had a refreshing scent of lavender, I thought it would smell like trouble, this went a long way to calm my mind. The sun rays reflecting off the shiny heads of brown kids frolicking around in their undies on a mocochrome background of brown roofs and vegetation; reminiscent of people who had no troubles. This scene generally characterized this environment, and with my intentional search for something peculiar, it all seemed like a very normal day, even better than most.

As we rode along the road,I saw the police was right there in front waiting eagerly to extort the drivers of their daily wages. This is a normal occurence here and it is equally natural for the drivers to resist initially, not exempting my driver whom deemed it prudent to be headstrong. I was pissed because this unnecessary dispute was definitely going to delay us for some time and the driver would still heed to their request at the end of this comedy routine. “This is taking longer than usual” I thought to myself.

"Espirit de corps" I blurted out. I heard this in a movie and I was anticipating some form of positive response. I soon realized that my mouth may have landed me in trouble, after noticing the change in expression on their faces. It was somewhere between disgust and confusion. Oh my God! I should have stayed home. This was it, I was in a mess and I was quite surprised I didn't pass multiple episodes of flatus before moving bowel that morning. My eyes were already welling up with tears. One of the policemen approached me with a whip that resembled that used on livestock. Was I going to become a cow or perhaps a goat today?

Introducing me to this lash was going to scar me for eternity. I quickly took the initiative, flung the door open and went flat on my chest. I started pleading for forgiveness in a most repentant tone. I explained why I had said what I said in a few words, in our local dialect. Taken aback by this act of humility from someone dressed like a gangstar, they burst into laughter. I made sure not to miss the window of euphoria as I quickly offered some money for drinks, as they had been under the sun for long. It was only morning and they hardly broke a sweat but I had to kiss up to them to prevent any further hassle. The grin on their faces indicated that they were pleased and I had automatically made a few friends in the forces.

We were soon on our way and I was thinking of the multiple ways that could have turned out. They could have labelled me a riff-raff and dealt with we severely with no one to come to my rescue, I could have been extorted to buy my freedom, so I was very much impressed with the step I took. The journey to my destination was uneventful after that occurence and I knew that I had escaped the worst possible event that could probably occur. I had heard several cases of police harassment but this was a first for me.

Computer village was as rowdy as I heard, even at that time of the morning, it seemed like they never left. The energetic vibes, the street boys standing at corners hailing passersby hoping to get a little change, the wooden shops that characterized this place in it's entirety. There were only a few decent structures there but they all sold the same products.

This place was popular for getting cheap, quality gadgets. I had saved for a couple months to transition from my pitiful android mobile to an apple product. I didn't have enough to get a new one but the used ones were just as good, one just needed to buy those extra accesories that accompanies them. I saw a couple of iPhones on display and decided to commence my tour. I started asking around shops and beating down prices, they were all within the same range, just a few bucks shorter.

I decided to go with the price that fell within the mid-range; it's just something that I do, not swinging to the extremes to prevent stories that touch. He tested the phone, switched it on to ascertain it was in good condition, confessed to me that the battery life was at 80% but I already knew I couldn't get better at that price. We checked all sorts, the camera was satisafory as this was a major reason I needed the phone asides from social standing. He packaged the phone and went in to get the case. Honestly, I was a little surprised he had that, it could easily pass as a new phone if my friends came around and I flaunted the case. I was excited, paid him via the POS and was soon on my way back home.

My trip back was smooth and I was glad that I averted the worst. The experience was definitely going up on my youtube channel. I checked to confirm my ATM card and cash were intact, changed my wears and sat down to unbox my phone, I was super elated.

I switched the phone on and 'Hi' greeted me. The next thing was the image of a big eye, the former user of the phone must have been one dramatic fellow. I didn't even take note of the notification sound since I was used to my android; my heart skipped a beat when I saw Hi-phone boldly come up on the screen. I turned the phone and saw that the apple was almost eaten in it's entirety, all that was left was an image resembling a crescent.

I started having palpitations and sweating profusely, even though the AC had saturated the room. I stomped out of the room in my inner whites and shorts and started to run. Common sense prevailed, I highlighted a cab, less concerned by the amount I would pay for chattering the cab. The driver took a shortcut as he sensed the urgency and I arrived there quicker than I expected; it seemed the universe was working in my favour. I jolted to a stop at the particular location where I got the phone and alas! It was closed.

Images became blurry, I wasn't sure if it was the tears or a consequence of a headache . I started asking around and no one seemed to heed to me; this place is the ghetto and not for the light hearted. One of the street boys came to my rescue and told me he knew the location of the damn fellow. He offered to accompany me there and I was raining prayers on him. We went in the same cab that brought me as I didn't have the cash to pay the cab guy yet, so he'd have to take me home to get his fee.

We travelled a long distance but I was hopeful. We reached the destination and this 'street guy' alighted and was all cozy with the people he met there. I asked him gently about the concerned fellow and he told me to ask around, I was taken aback because this boy was supposed to help me, I mean that's why he was there. Apparently he just hitched a ride to join his pals. I didn't even know how or what to ask but I started explaining my predicament to people around in local dialect but all I got from them were pitiful gestures, insults and statements questioning my sapience. A while passed and I became exhausted.

The cab guy walked down to meet me and broke the news I never wanted to accept, I had been scammed. I couldn't understand my emotions at that point but I knew I'd beat the living hell out of anyone that remotely resembled that fellow; his image was etched in my memory and I don't think I'll ever forget. How dare he!

Upon getting home, I sorted the cab guy at a fair price and then began the phase of sober reflection. I didn't want to think about it but I couldn't stop as tears rolled down my face. I had been praised for my IQ back in class but this was absolutely mortifying, I couldn't even share my experience.

That joke of a phone is in the dump right now, seeing it any further would have tilted me towards depression. I guess that's why I had the irrestible urge to take a dump earlier that morning. Such a shitty experience, I'm absolutely livid.

PS: You can understand now, when I say, please limit your greetings to Hello and not 'Hi', I still have serious issues with the letter 'I' as of this moment. 

January 07, 2022 20:40

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Gip Roberts
18:36 Jan 09, 2022

I like seeing seldom used words in a story, such as the medical terminology ("palpitations", "gastroenteritis", etc.) in this one. I also like that creative phrase: "would have tilted me towards depression".


Gbeenro .
20:46 Jan 09, 2022

It's very kind of you to have read through Gip and also taken note of those terminologies. As a Physician, those words have become my language and as such, reflects in my culture of writing and speech. I'm glad those words made you interested in this literary piece.


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