Top 10 Reasons You Need A Girlfriend

By: Min Yoonki

1. You're annoying. You're probably annoying because you're lonely but ....... still. You seem to have nothing better to do with your time than annoy me. I'm a busy guy. Just because we're friends doesn't mean that you can prance into my house and into my room on my anniversary to congratulate me. May is still embarrassed by that! My wife can't even look at you without remembering what you saw and getting embarrassed. I just can't believe you weren't more ashamed by that. Also, the fact that you laughed didn't help. Have fun? Why would you say that!? I swear, you only get weirder and weirder the more I know you.
2. You're lonely. Like I've already stated, you seem to have enough time on your hands to annoy other people. clearly, you must be lonely. If you had someone else to annoy then you wouldn't need to bug me and the rest of your friends anymore. I'd also like to let you know that you're not allowed to walk into my house without knocking and waiting for someone to open it and invite you in. It's very ANNOYING when you walk in without asking. I just want personal space and respect. that can't be much to ask.
3. You're old. You are only getting older. I know that you know that you're getting older. You're in your mid-twenties now but you won't be there forever! Once you hit your thirties, it's gonna be a lot harder for you to find a girlfriend and, eventually, a wife. you can't keep coming and complaining to me that you're old. I KNOW you're old! you should spend that time looking for a girlfriend instead of whining to me!
4. You're body. Like I said, You're getting old. You're body will eventually start to age too and you know girls won't like that. I know my wife likes that my body is still fit but I doubt it'll stay that way.Since we've formed a bond, she'll like my body when it's not as good though. If you don't get a girl and form a bond then you'll lose your body and it'll be even harder to get girls. You'd have to rely solely on your horrible since of humor and your mildly good-looks. And I guess your cooking. At least that's good.
5. The year's almost over. This should be your new years resolution! Get a girlfriend! You don't know how said it is to watch every year as the couples kiss and you stand in the middle of all of them, pretending not to notice, and staring at the fireworks. I'll even work on my new years resolution if you work on getting a girlfriend. In fact, let me just tell you my resolution now. we can be transparent. Maybe you'll have time to tell me why in the world you haven'ts started looking for a girlfriend yet. My new years resolution will be to get a lock for my house door and to remember to lock my bedroom door when my wife and I are busy in there. (Seriously. You shouldn't just walk into someones room like that. My poor wife will probably never get over the embarrassment.)
6. You're ... okay. You're an okay guy. That's why we're still friends. I think that some part of you deserves a girlfriend. You can't live alone for the rest of your life and I know that you're not ever going to be living with me. If you need help, I'm probably more desperate than you are and I will gladly find a girl for you. My wife happens to have two sisters. Maybe I can send one your way. (Or both and you choose one. I don't know.)
7. Your jokes. I've had enough of your jokes since the very first one you ever told me. I'd like it if you'd just stop telling them altogether. You know nobody likes them. If you really need to tell your jokes to someone, a girlfriend would be the perfect person to tell. If you got yourself a girlfriend, you could finally stop telling your stupid dad jokes at parties. It's kind of sad, to be honest. I think you might have actually been able to get girls a lot earlier if you didn't chase them all away with your stupid dad jokes.
8. You're life. Your life in general seems to be pretty boring. Well, not really. I guess you're always working or bugging one of us. well, your life could be something more. You could have a more interesting life if you had a girl. please. I'm serious. You probably think that your life is interesting but that's what I thought until my wife came into the picture. Your life still has a little hope. You should go for it before even that tiny piece of hope has been snuffed out.
9. I'm worried. You may not even live past the age of thirty. I told you that you need a girlfriend or wife before you hit the thirties but, if you walk into my room one more time, I might actually shoot you in the head. Seriously. I don't know how many times I'll have to say it to get it through your thick skull but, I am not at all afraid to commit murder. So .... maybe you should get a girlfriend.
10. Last, and most important, you're nosy. Like I've said before, you shouldn't just walk into someones room (or HOUSE) without knocking. ESPECIALLY, when it's that someones special anniversary. I don't care if it was my daughters birthday! It still doesn't give you permission to barge into our room at ten o'clock at night! I don't think I'm overreacting over this! I think you're just dense. So get a girlfriend and never walk into my house without permission EVER AGAIN!!

Thank you for your time, Jun.

I hope you have a .... boisterous day. WITHOUT me.

(If you do decide to bug me I'll be at the shooting range. I'd love a brand new target. the moving ones are always more fun anyway.)