When society lets men down

There, by the tarnished entrance gate of a once-thriving shop, laid a figure. He looked familiar, but who was he? As I approached, I recognized the disheveled figure as Alec, someone I had known since our university days. His hair and beard, once meticulously groomed, were now a tangled mess. Stained and torn, his worn-out jacket barely shielded him from the natural elements. He lay curled in a fetal position on the hard surface, asleep. His bare feet were black, caked with dirt. He was a stark contrast to the man I once knew. Alec, always neat and well-groomed, with a kind and energetic demeanor, was now a shadow of his former self. He was an educated and well-spoken person who held a good position in a mining company, earning a decent income. I didn't see that one coming; seeing him in such a state was heart-wrenching, and I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of empathy for him, wondering what had led him to this point.

It had been over four years since I last saw Alec, almost since his divorce. He cut ties with the community shortly after his divorce was finalized, and since then, there have been no updates on his whereabouts. It was as if he had vanished into thin air, leaving me to ponder about the trajectory of his life. I couldn't help but worry about Alec's well-being after such a tragic event. Did he move to a new place to start over, or did he choose to return to his hometown, seeking comfort in the familiar despite the painful memories of his divorce? I was left with many unanswered questions and couldn't help but speculate about what might have happened to Alec. I hoped Alec was doing well despite rumors about his financial difficulties. I couldn't bear the thought of his ex-wife, Sarah, taking everything he worked for and keeping him from seeing his kids. From what I knew, Sarah was a good person. I just wanted Alec to find peace and stability after his divorce and move forward to a better future. Alec's memory slowly faded as time passed and became a distant thought. The constant demands of my workload and other pressing life commitments consumed my attention, gradually overshadowing his memory.

I approached the sleeping man and called his name. "Alec." With reluctance, he opened his eyes and gazed at me blankly as if he didn't recognize me. "Alec, this is Jack."

"Jack?"

"Yes, it's me, Jack Sulivan. We have been friends since the university. We were classmates there. Do you remember me?"

After a long pondering, he said, "Jack Sulivan?"

"Yes, it's me. How are you, my friend?" I immediately regretted asking him how he was doing. He was homeless and covered in felt. Who would be okay in this state?

"I'm very well," he replied with an unusual cheerfulness.

His response seemed out of place in his current situation and made me doubt his sanity. "Where have you been, Alec? I haven't heard from you in a long time."

Alec scratched his tangled and matted hair and replied, "Here. I've been here."

Although he didn't answer my question, I didn't press further. I felt sorry for him and decided to buy him some food. "I'm starving. We can go to McDonald's for a meal," I suggested, as there was one nearby.

"But I don't have any money," he replied. Then he reached into his pants pockets and pulled out a two-dollar coin. "I only have this," he said, offering it to me.

"Generous Alec," I thought. Alec was known for his generous nature, which brought tears to my eyes. "I'll buy it, Alec," I said, feeling sad for him. I intended to buy him food, engage him in a conversation, and learn more about the circumstances that led to his displacement. I wanted to understand his challenges and find ways to help him overcome his current situation.

"Ok," he responded, getting up slowly and attempting to fix his unruly hair with no luck.

Despite his young age, he appeared frail and aged, which evoked sadness and sympathy. I pondered about what had led to his pitiful condition.

At McDonald's, a security officer rudely stopped him from entering.

"He is with me. I want to buy him some food," I protested.

"You can get the food, but he cannot enter in his current condition," the security guard commanded.

I felt angry at the world's unfairness but not at the security guard. He was doing his job by denying Alec entry into the food outlet. Alec's lack of hygiene could lead to complaints from other McDonald's customers.

"Alec, please wait here while I go get some food. Can you please let me know what you would like to have?"

"A whopper meal."

"That's a menu from Burger King, but we are at McDonald's."

After briefly pausing, he corrected his initial request and asked for a Big Mac.

"Not a problem," I said, and I walked indoors. Inside, I used the self-service kiosks to order two large Big Mac Meals. As I didn't ask him what drink he wanted, I chose Coke Zero Sugar for both of us.

About ten minutes later, with food in hand, I walked out, but Alec was nowhere to be found. "Have you seen the homeless man?" I asked the security guard, feeling ashamed not being able to call him my friend.

"He walked that way," the officer said, pointing toward Alec's resting place.

After thanking the officer, I followed the direction he pointed to. However, when I arrived at Alec's supposed location, he was nowhere to be found. I searched for him. Even after fifteen minutes of looking, he remained elusive. I assumed he left because he was too embarrassed to face me again after fully remembering me. I instantly regretted waking him up and introducing myself. I was saddened and disappointed that my kindness was misunderstood and caused him distress.

Upon losing my appetite, I gave the food to a homeless woman sitting in a corner, asking for spare change from every commuter. "Excuse me, I have some food for you," I said as I placed the bag of food and drinks in front of her.

"Thank you, young man, but this is for two."

"I got the other one for the man sleeping there," I said, pointing to where Alec was sleeping. "But he is not there anymore. If you see him, give the other to him."

"Sure, I will. God bless you."

I nodded and left.

Days had passed, but I couldn't forget about seeing Alec, especially the dire situation in which I had found him. Curious about what had happened to him, I contacted our mutual friends. However, almost no one knew anything about him. They were all shocked to hear that I had found Alec homeless. During my inquiries, I discovered it all started with a restraining order that Alec's wife had filed against him. As a result, he was banned from entering the house that he had paid for with hours of hard work in the harsh environment of mine sites.

He later lost custody of his two children and was forced to pay for alimony and child support. But the news of his ex-wife finding a young boyfriend ten years younger than her, a jobless playboy with no money, was the tipping point for Alec's mental health. Alec was distraught at the unfairness of the law. The court had ordered him to vacate the home that he had worked hard to pay off to his ex-wife and also pay her alimony. He was frustrated to see his ex-wife using his hard-earned money to sleep with younger men while he was struggling to make ends meet. This sense of injustice had taken a toll on his mental health, and he eventually quit his job, disappearing from everyone's sight. Alec had been off the radar until I found him homeless.

Since the day I bumped into Alec on the street a year ago, I have been taking the same route almost every day, hoping to see him again. However, despite my daily efforts, Alec has yet to be found. I can't help but wonder if he has moved away or if something more serious has happened. I hope that wherever he is, Alec has received the needed help and is doing better than the last time I saw him.

Divorce is a challenging experience that can significantly affect the mental well-being of those involved. Men, in particular, often find themselves in a vulnerable position when going through a divorce. Like many other men, Alec struggled to cope with his emotions during this difficult time. It's a common scenario that we have all witnessed around ourselves. However, what's concerning is the lack of support for men when compared to women who are going through similar distress. While several organizations are dedicated to helping women in need, the same cannot be said for men. It's essential to acknowledge that individuals of all genders go through struggles. We should strive to create a more inclusive and supportive society for everyone, where everyone gets the help they need to overcome their challenges.