A Taste of Guatemala

A Taste of Guatemala

Welcome to Guatemala! My name is Carmen and I’ll be your host today. My job is to introduce you to a variety of excursions you can take while in this beautiful country. We have several specials today. I guarantee any of them will be like nothing you’ve cooked up at home!

•For a prepared quick local dish we have — La Antigua:

You can stay in Antigua for a few days and from there take a shuttle or public transportation to any of the other points of interest. Or you can do a round trip 1.5 hours each way with a seven hour lay over for tours through the Artisan Market, the ruins of the monastery of San Francisco, a coffee plantation, La Merced church, and a typical Guatemalan meal. Antigua is on the historic register for the world, through UNESCO, to protect and preserve its wealth of antiquities. The ruins that have been caused by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and flooding are now left to stand as testament to the struggle between humankind and nature. Local businesses that have property on which stands a ruin incorporate it into their decor. El Serreno, on Segunda Avenida is a perfect example of entwining a restaurant with the remains of a 17th century ruin. Try lunch at La Condesa, a genuine hacienda that belonged to a Countess who’s husband, the Count, traveled a lot because of his work: Conquistador. Apparently there was an indiscretion between the countess and the butler. The Count found out and buried the butler alive behind a wall. When the current owners were bringing the kitchen up to code they found the butler! The whole story is on the front of the menu.

On your way to Antigua, if the guide says the bus is leaving the highway to travel a safer route down a dirt road, get off the bus, NOW. If you stay on the bus down the dirt road, a planned robbery will take place for your excitement. You can’t take photos. Rest assured, however, this will be the memory your friends will be most impressed by in the retelling. $20.00 for the shuttle plus whatever you lose to the robbers.

If you choose to stay in Antigua, and take side trips from there, be sure to take advantage of local tours. You can climb active volcanoes, visit museums of music and local indigenous weaving practices, take salsa dance lessons, or learn to cook typical Guatemalan dishes.

Whatever you choose to do in Antigua, be sure that you will have a spectacular time. In the Land of Eternal Spring, you will find year round pleasant weather, with jacaranda trees, fresh fruit, coffee, and bouganvillea climbing, beautifying walls everywhere. The other plant on the walls, chichicaste, do not touch. It has a noxious oil that stings like the dickens. People plant it to keep robbers from coming over the walls. Guatemala will keep you thrilled by it’s natural beauty, incredible flowers, birds, and insects. If you happen to be walking in Jardines de Antigua be sure to look up into the trees. Julio, a local veterinarian, lost a boa constrictor (non-native) in 1992 and it’s been roaming the trees ever since, coming down to feed occasionally on neighborhood pets. I heard Darryl may have lost a goat!

•Our Chef’s Favorite today is the Biotopo Reserve

•A modern coach, complete with air conditioning, television, and restroom, to Coban. This is a four to six hour trip depending on number of stops along the way, which is determined by which driver you get, how bad the roads are, and how many relatives the driver has who live on the route that sell food and other sundries to tourists on buses. Don’t eat the food or drink anything unless it’s bottled, or wrapped with an unbroken seal. We will stop for lunch at a restaurant. There’s not much to do in Coban itself, except purchase the lovely white gauzy fabric that is only woven here. If you layover, be sure to go out to the Biotopo and tour the Bird, Butterfly, and Orchid Sanctuaries. You may rent a hammock and two trees if you would like to experience night next to a soothing waterfall in Semuc Champey. If you like caves you must do the trip to the Lanquin Caves, where you will see bats, lots of bats, and Mayan heiroglypics on the walls. There are wonderful natural hot pools, which you will need after the hike and running from the bats.

•If you like heat try my favorite, Climb Volcan Pacaya

A day trip just minutes from Guatemala City. Depending on who you talk to it’s an easy climb (tour agency talk) or a ball breaker climb (according to my friend Betty who doesn’t actually have balls but listen to what she went through and then decide for yourself). They take you in the van part way up the volcano. Where they let you off and how far up depends on whether it’s erupting or not. The first part of the hike is really just like walking a couple of blocks on a cement driveway--except it’s straight up. Then you leave the pavement and continue climbing, always up, of course. And then it’s more up, and more...and the nice guide that offered you a horse to ride back at the beginning, that you said “no” to because you didn’t want to look like a wimp, is following along behind you in case you need the horse ... which Betty did. Not Jeannie, though. Jeannie hiked the whole way. Jeannie is a very trusting person, and if the Tour Agency salesperson said it was an easy climb, then by golly it was going to be an easy climb. This particular day there was no erupting, or lava flow, but when they got to the top where steam was coming out the cracks, the black volcanic molten rock was so hot that it melted Jeannie’s shoes. About that time the volcano spit out some stuff and the guide said “Santa Popo” or something like that and everyone started to run and slide. Jeannie was stuck to the rocks. Two Norwegian guys wearing lederhosen picked her up — no, that’s another dish — Oh, yeah, Betty is the main ingredient in this one. She galloped up, leaned over, grabbed Jeannie and about forty pounds of rock that came with her shoes, and turned that horse around — aw-w-w-w — go back to the hot rocks part — Jeanne’s shoes didn’t melt. I don’t remember what happened, except that she came home dirt tired and went to bed for a couple of days...and Betty rode that horse straight down like that Australian cowboy with one hand in the air. She couldn’t sit down for two days and that’s why she called it a ball breaking volcano.

•If you’re really hungry try our two for one Highland Mountains Excursion

A minivan to Chichicastenango by way of Lago Atitlan may be what you’re looking for, especially if you like roller coaster rides and daring death. If you have time, plan to stay overnight at the Lake. It’s inside an extinct volcano, surrounded by several other volcano peaks. It truly is one of the most magnificent places on our planet. President Teddy Roosevelt thought so, too, or so the story goes. He loved to fish there. Later, one of the airlines from the U.S. decided to capitalize on that as a tourist drawing point. So they brought in bigger and better fish from the states, and dumped them in the lake. Well you can imagine what happened; like every other footprint the U.S. leaves, the bass ate the local fish and now they’re extinct. If you choose to do this trip in just a day, total round trip is twelve hours, with stops at the Lake and at Chichicastenango. We recommend you eat lunch at the Lake in one of the many open air cafes. Use the restroom here, too, as there are no stops on the way up to Chichi. You will notice that the women at the lake wear cortes (wrapped skirts) made of a dark indigo fabric. The villages here are the only place this fabric is made. If you like it, buy some here. Prices are lower. When you see something you want, bargain for it with the vendor. That’s expected, and part of the whole buying experience. Part two of the journey, the road is narrow, with many areas where two vehicles cannot pass. They do anyway. It’s the bus drivers’ version of “chicken”. Some people might tell you they’re called “chicken buses” because the locals carry chickens to market on their laps. Well, that does happen and it’s a nice story, but the real reason is cowboys and the movie, American Graffiti. Really. The bus drivers all want to be Harrison Ford in that cool cowboy hat playing chicken. Sorry, Richard Dreyfuss, but you’re too short. This harrowing experience is free-of-charge! Guatemala has won the first place award in the world, five years in a row, for the best rum. Once in Chichicastenango, have an exotic rum drink at one of the delightful hotels. You will deserve it after surviving the road. Be sure to go to the market, the largest in Northern Guatemala. You will notice people burning incense on the cathedral steps. You may be invited to attend a Mayan ritual nearby. If you are curious about traditional spiritual practices you might want to take part. This one sometimes involves a chicken and blood. The trip back down the mountain will take place after dark which is a good thing because you will be traveling on the drop-off side of the road.

•This traditional dish is flavored with allspice and chocolate - Mayan ruins in the jungles of Tikal

Leaving from Guatemala City airport, Taca airlines has several jets that are in good condition. Even though there are three other airlines that fly to Tikal that are less expensive, I would stick with Taca Air. If you do go, be sure to look out the right side windows as you land. You will observe a small plane that crashed in the jungle. It belongs to one of the other airlines. Now, before I tell you about the wonders of Tikal, I want to encourage you to think carefully about the return trip to Guatemala City. If it’s the rainy season please do not return in the afternoon. In Tikal there are several nice hotels for your stay over. Going back to Guatemala City at the end of the day is tricky during the rainy season, because of the lightening storms. Also, if it’s raining really hard it’s possible to slip off the runway and fall down the mountain. I’m talking about the city runway, not the jungle. And I’m talking about the plane slipping and falling, not you. The other possibility, (probability, really, because it did happen to a plane I was on…TWICE) is that if it’s really cloudy and the pilot has to use the instruments to land he might accidentally fly down la Avenida Reforma which you would be able to tell easily by looking out the windows on either side of the plane. There will be high rise buildings on both sides and you will see screaming people in them. If you’re scared to look, another good way to tell is the other passengers will be kissing their rosaries. It’s REALLY, REALLY better to wait and fly back to the city in the morning. Now, back to Tikal...Guides are provided by the hotels. Sign up and take a tour. You’ll learn a lot, and your safety will be relatively insured. The Mayan temples are incredible. If you climb to the top of any that are still open to tourists, early morning is the best time. You will be above the tree line, in thin layers of gauzy clouds, and the sunrise will take you to another dimension, especially if you’re not holding on. Because it’s a long, long fall. If you go back into the jungle in the afternoon, be sure to respect the closing hours at the ruins. If you don’t, and you see a guy with a rifle yelling at you, climb down quickly, give him ten quetzales and leave.

It’s very steamy and muggy in the jungle because...well, because it’s a jungle! Don’t hesitate to stop and sit for a bit if you need to rest before climbing the pyramids. If you are sitting on a rock or stone bench and something little crawls up on you and bites, look to see if the bite is triangular in shape, and raises a pure white welt. If it does grab leaves off the nearest tree, chew them a bit, then rub them over the bite. The leaves should taste like cardamom. If they don’t, then I don’t know what you chewed and you may need to get treated for the bite and chewing an unknown substance. If you rubbed the bite with the right concoction of leaf and spit, then it will stop stinging, and never go away. You will have a permanent mark on your wrist (or wherever it is that YOU get bit), another memory to tell your friends of your trip to Guatemala. There are opportunities for riding Zip lines through the tree tops attached to a pulley. Not something I wanted to try. I know what the monkeys are like. They love to throw fruit at people passing along under the trees. I can imagine what they would do if one were passing by on a rope at eye level with those monkeys. Well, it wouldn’t be nice. Do go to the museum. They have recently excavated another tomb from under the ruins. The king was removed from his burial place and entombed next to the museum, with a picture window. Artifacts, shells, rocks, and incredible pieces of jade jewelry all surround him with a row of cocoa beans around them all. His name is Au Cacao--The God of Chocolate. I always knew there must be a Chocolate God. Nothing so miraculous as chocolate could have originated accidentally.

•For an exotic dish, try our Ocean Beaches

•One of the many tour vans will take you on a scenic route to the black sand beaches at Monterico. To get to the beach you take a ride on a barge down the river during which time you may see egrets, herons, beautiful purple lotus flowers, and lots of big, hairy non-poisonous spiders. Watch among the mangrove trees for tall, pillar-like constructions, that seem to be undulating. They are. These are termite hills. Don’t go near them. When you reach the beach be sure to visit the turtle bio-reserve. If someone tries to feed you turtle, or sell you one to take home, just say no. They are an endangered species. Also, make sure if you order eggs that you have the guide check in the kitchen to make sure they are chicken eggs. Turtle eggs are endangered, too.

Swimming here is delightful. The water is warm and inhabited by the turtles, fish, dolphins and occasionally a whale. There are rip tides, so if you feel your self being tugged away, relax, turn left or right, and swim along the shore, parallel with the beach until you are out of the rip.

This completes your menu of activities to try in the Land of Eternal Spring. Let me know how it goes, and have a wonderful time. Somebody will and it might as well be you!