HOW WAS YOUR POOP?

A suburban traditional half bathroom is our setting today. A slightly creaked window, white tiled floor, and soft tan walls is what I'm talking about.

It's one of those days where John is sitting on the toilet counting how many lines surround all of the tiles on the bathroom floor. The cool crisp air that fills the bathroom and nestles underneath John's ankles, only to be bothersome as he tries to unleash what's hiding inside. It just won't come out.

After a few deep breaths, it seems that progress is being made. Multiple magazines and newspapers appear on the floor. A soft bowl surrounding fart indicates that maybe it is time.

"EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?" a robotic noise sounds from the ceiling. It's Govern-bot, a new surveillance system set up by the government to oversee all home activities and conversations.

"Yes, I am fine Govern-Bot." John replies.

"OK THANK YOU." Govern-bot sounds off with a few beeps.

John tries to pick up where he left off. There are 400 lines that cover the tiles of the bathroom. The mirror has about 73 water spots from the previous shower. The window is cracked at a 2 degree angle. Jeez this is it. John coughs.

"DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?"

"No, I did not."

"OK PLEASE CONTINUE." Again, Govern-bot sounds off with a few beeps.

"I am trying to." John say under his breath.

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?"

"What do you think?"

Govern-bot starts computing the question John has asked with a series of beeps, bloops, and finally, a long sounding tsk sound. Silence. John tries to resume his business.

"DO YOU KNOW SOLICITING DRUGS IS A FEDERAL OFENSE?"

"Yes, I know. I am just trying to drop a load."

"DROPPING A LOAD WOULD RESULT IN 15 YEARS IN A FEDERAL PRISON."

"No-I meant I am trying to use the bathroom."

"WHAT ARE YOU USING IN THE BATHROOM?"

"Oh my gosh," John says to himself as he is pinching his forehead.

"What do you think I am doing?"

Govern-bot starts to compute the question with more beeps, bloops, and another long sound tsk sound.

"YOU ARE USING DRUGS IN THE BATHROOM?"

"No, I-"

"POSSESSION OF ANY DRUGS WOULD REUSLT IN 5-10 YEARS IN PRISON"

"Yes I know, I am not using drugs. I am trying to use the bathroom."

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO USE IN THE BATHROOM?"

John's anger has hit it's peak.

"The toilet! I am trying to sit down and use the toilet! There will be poop leaving my butthole and dropping in the toilet water. I will then flush the toilet and wash my hands using warm water and soap. I have no drugs in the bathroom. I am not selling drugs in the bathroom. I am not using drugs in the bathroom. Any questions?!?!"

The room is silent. John takes a deep breath and tries to pick up where he left off. PLOP. John reaches for the toilet paper.

"HOW WAS YOUR POOP?"

(I saw there was a word minimum, so I just re-pasted the story below. Posting for fun!)

A suburban traditional half bathroom is our setting today. A slightly creaked window, white tiled floor, and soft tan walls is what I'm talking about.

It's one of those days where John is sitting on the toilet counting how many lines surround all of the tiles on the bathroom floor. The cool crisp air that fills the bathroom nestles underneath John's ankles, only to be bothersome as he tries to unleash what's hiding inside. It just won't come out.

After a few deep breaths, it seems that progress is being made. Multiple magazines and newspapers fill the floor. A soft bowl surrounding fart indicates that maybe it is time.

"EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?" a robotic noise sounds from the ceiling. It's Govern-bot, a new surveillance system set up by the government to oversee all home activities and conversations.

"Yes, I am fine Govern-Bot." John replies.

"OK THANK YOU." Govern-bot sounds off with a few beeps.

John tries to pick up where he left off. There are 400 lines that cover the tiles of the bathroom. The mirror has about 73 water spots from the previous shower. The window is cracked at a 2 degree angle. Jeez this is it. John coughs.

"DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?"

"No, I did not."

"OK PLEASE CONTINUE." Again, Govern-bot sounds off with a few beeps.

"I am trying to." John say under his breath.

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?"

"What do you think?"

Govern-bot starts computing the question John has asked with a series of beeps, bloops, and finally, a long sounding tsk sound. Silence. John tries to resume his business.

"DO YOU KNOW SOLICITING DRUGS IS A FEDERAL OFENSE?"

"Yes, I know. I am just trying to drop a load."

"DROPPING A LOAD WOULD RESULT IN 15 YEARS IN A FEDERAL PRISON."

"No-I meant I am trying to use the bathroom."

"WHAT ARE YOU USING IN THE BATHROOM?"

"Oh my gosh," John says to himself as he is pinching his forehead.

"What do you think I am doing?"

Govern-bot starts to compute the question with more beeps, bloops, and another long sound tsk sound.

"YOU ARE USING DRUGS IN THE BATHROOM?"

"No, I-"

"POSSESSION OF ANY DRUGS WOULD REUSLT IN 5-10 YEARS IN PRISON"

"Yes I know, I am not using drugs. I am trying to use the bathroom."

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO USE IN THE BATHROOM?"

John's anger has hit it's peak.

"The toilet! I am trying to sit down and use the toilet! There will be poop leaving my butthole and dropping in the toilet water. I will then flush the toilet and wash my hands using warm water and soap. I have no drugs in the bathroom. I am not selling drugs in the bathroom. I am not using drugs in the bathroom. Any questions?!?!"

The room is silent. John takes a deep breath and tries to pick up where he left off. PLOP. John reaches for the toilet paper.

"HOW WAS YOUR POOP?"