Mama

We sat across from each other at a table. She was eating sushi, her usual favorite, while I ate orange chicken. I poked around at the food on my plate. My appetite was scarce and I felt that there were important things to be discussed. My attention shifted From my plate to the face infront of me--Beautiful and Round. Black eyes that looked just like mine with hair flowing to the start of her shoulders. I inched my chair forward. "So" I said as I cleared my throat of orange chicken "Mom, hows your food". She didn't respond, she just remained silent staring at her plate. I waited a few seconds, still no response. I reached my hand over and began to wave my hands in front of her. "Mom". Nothing. "MOM". Finally, my mom looked up from her plate and stared at me. She glanced in both directions and then noted my stare. "Who are you talking to?" She asked. I pointed my hand in her direction. "You mom, Im talking to you". She pointed her hand towards her chest and smiled. "Me?" she asked. Her words morphed into a chuckle. "Why are you laughing?" I said. "Because, your weird" she placed her hands over her mouth and continued to chuckle. I pushed my face forward "but your my--". "No" she said as she put her hands on the table "Im not". She got up and started to turn away. I let myself sit in confusion for a moment. Questions began racing in my mind, if she couldnt remember me, what else could she not remember? I got up from the table and raced towards her. "Mother. Mother please, why can't you remember who I am. I swear im your daughter. Dont you- can't you." I looked at her face and noticed that her eyes were blank. Theres was no emotion in her stare. It simply was just that-- a stare. I looked down at my feet- blue shoes the ones she had gotten me four years ago. Each portion of fabric placed evenly on the shoe. I sighed at the memory of me receiving them. There were two knocks on the door and boom, there they were a pair of shoes in a box. Mother never wanted to give them to me directly, but she got them for me anyways and that was all that mattered. I left the memory and looked back up at her face. Her lips began to move infront of me. They began making strange noises, specifically beginning with the letter I. She kept repeating it as she stared at me: I- I-I. My cheeks inflamed with frusturation. I couldnt help but poof them out towards her and let out a heart wrenching yelp. "I WHAT?". My mother shook her head back and forward. She sighed, like me she looked at her shoes. Black and Plain. Typical of mother, she always wore plain things like that. Again she sighed "I am not your mother". I began to slam my head against the wall repetitively, "why, WHY Must you say such a thing". My eyes squinted towards her, "you are my mother, we've spent the last 20 years of life together. You raising me, me following your PLAIN old shoes around. HOW COULD YOU FORGET". My fists were clenched, and it was almost as if my clenched fists controlled my teeth. They tot seemed oddly stuck together. She stepped back, even though she claimed not to be my mother these words hurt her. I could tell. But again she came forward and firmly said "no, you are the one forgetting. I am not your mother, we have only just met each other. You asked me to lunch around an hour ago". Her eyes squinted towards me. I closed my eyes. This is information was too much. It made me angry beyond measures. I opened my eyes and she was gone. And I was alone once again, at the mall. I wanted to shout, but I had to stay calm. Ugh whatever, Fuck it. "AHHHH" I screamed. I looked around the mall to see if anyone stopped to stare, but they didn't. They all just continued on their way forward. I started to walk around the different shops. If only my mom stayed I thought to myself. I shouldve ran after her, but there was no use. She would have just kept on walking away. I entered the popcorn store and glanced around at all the various flavors they had. I found it odd that so many flavors could be derived from one singular corn. The variousness of life I guess. I went to the cash register and placed my order "Carmel popcorn please". The cashier nodded his head and went to grab the popcorn. Blabla, same mundane routine. He passed me the bag and immediately I began to eat. As the burnt Carmel hit the tongue my mind swirled with the flavors of the popcorn. The bag, evoking a series of memories. As I tasted the flavor echoes of words began to bounce through my mind. "Mom", I heard a little girl say "Can I have some popcorn?". A smile could be heard through the mothers response "sure honey" she replied. Then BANG BANG, shots rang out of nowhere. I started to scream again, the people in the popcorn store looked at me for a mere second and resumed there tasks. I awoke from the voices within my head and ran out the store. I ran to the parking lot and placed my hands on my head as my heart began to race. I remembered it all, the popcorn, my mother dying at the store 10 years ago. It all came back. But who was that woman before? Just some random lady I asked to lunch? I shrugged to myself. I guess so. I crumpled into myself and sat on the brim of the parking lot. How embaressing. My face implanted itself in the popcorn bag as I started to chew. Tears began streaming down my face, even though it had been ten years I still missed my mom. I began to feel spite for the woman I had been with prior to the realization that she was not my mother. I wish she hadn't said anything, I wish just for one day my mother could've been with me again. But she wasn't. I lifted my face from the bag, a popcorn kernel found its way to my nostril. I blew it out and stared at the world in front of me, still alone and on the search for something greater. This day would have been my moms 50th birthday, so for now: Happy Birthday mom.