I am curious

My chains of thoughts are disturbed again, with a sound,

And this time “It’s a clock,” I turn my eyeball to find it out. But I found nothing.

“Was it one in the building?” I am not sure.

But I did get the message of it.

“It’s 1 o’clock go to sleep.” It said.

“I might be sleeping now if I were home.”

I exhale deeply. I want to hear the magical words with the magical tone, while that soft hand runs in my back which is calm me down.

No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, again and again, it urges strongly me. I want her to come to me and sat next to me. I want her to convince me that I'll is fine here, just like I was.

Then,

“It’s 1 o’clock honey, go have some sleep, tomorrow is a big day.”

She will say with a lovely smile on her face.

“Yes, mom,” I said.

The image runt in my head.

But again, I am standing next to the window and looking outside.

 The window is open. The world outside is fresh and I feel the chilled air that comes into me through the window, the chilled cold pierces my flannel pajamas targeting my fair skin. That cold felt not nice to my skin but not rude either. At the moment I can handle it, “so it’s fine.”

 Once again I look at the view which window provides me, “it’s big, no it’s huge,” and it’s spared to an end which I can’t see.

And it is dark, but still, some shadows are hiding in that darkness.

Then I look back at the place where I am standing, the place that stands behind the window. It’s new and comfy, but it also dark with some shadows which unknown to me.

This is the place I am going to stay tonight or, maybe the place I am going to stay from tonight.

“It was my dream”

That’s how I felt about it. That’s what I said to myself and everyone else.

Going to the University is my dream. I decided it when I was twelve.

So I worked for it, “Was it easy or hard?” It is a usual question,

“For me, it’s hard deciding it that way. All I know is it was fun.”

I am the princess of my little world, which my parents built. there is only one person who welcomes to my kingdom.

“Dinithi,”

The person who I spend most of my life with after my parents.

Dinithi, she is the bravest and the strongest most of the time. So she acts tough and never tolerates sentimental, teary situations, even the tear stands for happiness.

On the other hand, I am completely opposite to her,

I am silent among the class and they know me as a shy person, who always ready to cry in any situation, It doesn’t matter that tear stands for myself or for someone else.

But she is my best friend since we were nine.

I understood the differences in our personalities and I respect it. With time I accepted it.

I know she felt the same way about me because all this time she never tries to change me. So my time with my best friend was great.

“If anything or anyone rude at you just let me know.” That is what Dinithi said when she realized I was confused about all these.

My last night at home felt weird,

“You will be fine there.” My mother tries to assure me.

“It’s a new place, you will learn lots of new things and find lots of new friends. You are going to fulfill your dream, you must be proud of yourself.”

She continuously encouraged me to stick with my decision.

“I knew that I made my parents proud.”

But still, something was missing; I didn’t realize it until I came back to my room in the night. My room was a bit messy and I was disturbed by that.

I just try to take few things with me and it ruins the whole order of my room and I didn’t like it. Because I don’t want to change it, not a single thing in the room.

My room is filled with most of my stuff. But,

“Will I be okay without all these things?” 

I am already missing this place. And I start playing with my fingers,

Yes that is true, Going to the University was my dream and here I am standing at the opening of my dream. And I am so excited about it.

 In the meantime, I have to leave home, leave my mother and father, and Dinithi my best friend, my room my comfy zone, and the world I used to know.

 “When I was young, I never knew about this. So I never thought about this till it stands in my eyes.”

The most important question is,

“Am I ready for this?”

I look out from the window I see the darkness darker and the shadows more clearly now.

“Perhaps, my answers to these question also hides in this dark shadows and I will find it out eventually.”

I looked at the sky. It's dark but I can see stars more clearly and brightly in it. Some stars are bright and stable and some are not.

I looked at the ground. Now I see a car which is moving away from me. Its headlights are bright and driving is smooth and stable.

On that path, I see few places which is still dark and some places are lighted with high-quality lights even I can see everything clearly from this far.

In some places, lights are not high quality and some of the lights are not even working.

Before I leave home, my father said,

"I want you to live your life, every bit of it."

So,

I wonder about the world without this black wail, and I wonder what it feels like leaving the kingdom for the dark world outside?

I hope whatever covers in this darkness might surprise me, or shock me, even terrifies me.

And again,

there is the reminder.

“One hour passed in a blink of an eye.”

The clock reminds me again about the day which is about to come and soon it will come face to face with me.

The window is open, the cold wind is striking me, And I am standing there for a nice clear view and nice fresh air.