10 Cannots and 1 Can

1. Affection

“I can’t believe we’re arguing over this.” You say to the other person in front of you. She rolls her eyes and does something similar to a half-shrug. “I can’t believe we’re arguing over this.” You repeat it, as if it will help at all. She flicks her half-spiky, half smooth scarlet hair over her shoulder and walks away, completely ignoring you and your feelings. Sighing, you resign yourself to silence once again, that unbearable feeling of loneliness settling in. Now, it’s just you, standing in the middle of the park, wondering if you did something wrong. Her, still walking away, probably pissed off beyond belief, glasses shining in the dying sun’s light.

2. Compassion

You’re in your living room, yet it seems more like a un-living room to you if you’re honest. What’s the point in being with family if no one seems alive anyway? You lie on the bed and sigh. Visions of your brother float across your mind and you find yourself blinking back tears at the memories. That particular brother has been almost completely ignoring you for the past nine years, and he hasn’t changed a little since then. You wish you could go back to when you were seven so you could feel a flicker of happiness once again, if only for a brief moment… But then you pessimistically roll your eyes and tell yourself to shut up. Wiping your tears away, you stay in the living room.

3. Courage

“But if I ask him… will he say yes?” She pleads, looking at you. All you can do is shake your head. “Please! You have to tell me. He’s the only one I love, the only one I will ever love and the only one I will have. Please, I beg you, tell me! How do I get him to love me?” There’s a lump in your throat hearing her, and an urge to run away, but you force yourself to look into her vibrant green eyes that are framed by her pink hair. You can’t bring yourself to tell her that no, you can’t get him to love you because he is in love with me. Instead, you look at her and reply, softly, “II’m sure if you just tell him, he will answer.”

4. Empathy

There’s three people in the room. “I can’t,” he whispers, but it feels like a shout. No one replies. “I can’t,” he says again, and the only one who answers him this time is her. “Can’t what?” She asks, still with the right amount of sassiness but also with worry. “You can't do what?” He looks at her with his black, soulless looking eyes. She reaches for his hand, and he moves it away from her. His white skin practically shining in the darkened room, he shakes his hand and replies. “You would never understand.” The other freezes, from the one eye that’s not covered by her long, silky blonde hair starts leaking tears. You would never understand. And you still watch with those condemning eyes.

5. Generous

He’s watching you again, with those starved eyes. Ever since birth, he was cursed to serve you forever. Even when you wanted to help, you never knew how. And now, you clutch at the hands of your father and wonder if you should give him some kindness, but a quick glance at everyone around you makes the thought disappear. Your father’s words echo through your brain. His destiny is to serve you. His destiny is to be a slave. Why should he deserve anything from you? With an unhappy feeling, you keep your kindness to yourself and watch your miserable cousin sit there quietly.

6. Intelligent

There’s an ache in your heart. And it won’t go away. Even though you know this type of relationship would be forbidden, you still love him. He’s the beat of your heart, the blue in your sky, and the love of your life… and the idiot doesn’t know. Every day, every single time you look at him, everytime you two accidentally-maybe-not-accidentally touch hurts more because of how much you want to kiss him right there and tell him that you love him, but something’s stopping you. You just don’t know what. And as you stand on the cliff behind him, his long brown hair flowing in the wind, it even hurts to look at him. “Tell me, God, why can’t I let him go?”

7. Persistence

Your dad doesn’t seem to notice how easily you give up on things. It’s a bad habit, sure, but you don’t really care either way. All he ever asks, anyway, is for you to, quote unquote, “Get your head out of the clouds.” It’s hard to get your head out of the clouds when all you want to do is to be a cloud and float around and do nothing. It’s easy being lazy. It’s hard being productive. Being smart is troublesome. Tests are boring. Girls are too annoying. And when you would rather sleep than hang out with friends, you know you’ve hit peak laziness. And honestly, what a drag this all is.

8. Positive 

“Hey…” “What, you brat. I’m trying to focus right now.” “What happened to your family? I’ve never ever heard you bring them up, ever, hn!” “Why do you care? As far as I know, you don’t have a family either.” “W-well, you already knew that, so what happened t-” “They’re dead. End of story. My parents were- Why am I answering you? You shouldn’t care, because I don’t either. Go away.” “But-” “Go away.” “Don’t you have anyone left?” “No. I left them a- Stop trying to get answers out of me! Leave me alone!”

9. Rational

“Don’t be so bleak.” Reprimands your partner. “I-” You can’t reply. At the exact same moment you decided to take a breath, your chronic sickness caught up to you and you started a coughing fit. Your understanding partner waited for you to finish and whistled a tune. You ignored the small amount of blood on your palm, preferring to wipe it away as you get up and wordlessly motion for your partner to follow. It’s hard to think clearly at this point, and all you want to do is to get some medicine, but you start walking.

10. Sincere

It’s hard acting like you don’t care everyday. Whenever they come over their brother, you have to pretend that they don’t mean a lot to you. But they do. You don’t know when, but they grew on you, despite you thinking they were annoying at first. Now, though, you still can’t make yourself act kind to them. Something’s opposing you from getting close to them, or doing anything remotely nice to befriend them. You thought about consulting your elder brother on the matter, but ultimately gave up on that idea; he was hopelessly dense in the first place. So you just keep waiting for your body to catch up to your heart.

1. Love

You love him. You love his beautiful baby blue eyes. His blonde hair that shines in the sunlight. His smile makes you smile too. You love everything about him and more. And he returns those feelings too. You two are yin and yang, the sun and the moon, bonded, inseparable. And you wish to forget every single little detail about him just to find them again. You cherish the moments when he walks in and sees you, then shouts in delight and runs to hug you, or when he hugs you gently without you even asking. It’s these times when you feel the most safe and loved in the entire world.

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Dedicated to Strange Little Human Prince (Formerly Leo Prince) <3 You may recognize who these characters are, Shade ;)