Mental Loss

  I was always tall and slim. Until my mental health deteriorated and I had to take drugs to help myself feel well. The drugs took a toll on my figure making me gain a lot of weight. At one point I was fifty pounds heavier and feeling badly about all the weight I was gaining. It wasn’t really what I was eating it was the drugs. So would exercising really work. I made my doctor change the medication I was on and got the green light for exercise.

   At first it was not easy because I was having trouble leaving the house. I was afraid there would be a fire or I’d have an accident on the way to the gym. All this anxiety made exercising all the more difficult. I went through stages. At first I’d exercise on the tread mill for 30 minutes. I did not pay attention to how fast I was going only that it was a long 30 minutes.  That was all I’d do. I tried to do this every third day. I felt that if I did it any more, I’d feel like I was always at the gym. The first couple of times hurt in a good way. I hadn't done any kind of physical fitness since college. My muscles were stiff and I felt like I was carrying around a large sac of potatoes around my stomach. Those workouts were hard. I'd actually run out of the gym when I was finished. It was like mission accomplished. Then after I was through with the gym. I would have a craving for a hamburger. But I’d tell myself I just worked out too hard to have a hamburger. Slowly these cravings diminished and I’d begin to want a salad after my workout.

   I was not a gym person I felt like my metabolism was good if it weren’t for the pills. I was in my forties so I don’t think the pills were the only thing making me gain weight. Let’s say I was in denial. I ate whatever I liked.  At restaurants I’d still order a desert. My eating habits were not really bad but they too needed to change.  I didn't start a new diet or anything like that. I resolved to eat sensible. More vegetables than anything else. Also, I cut out deserts and foods that were not doing my body any good. I found I actually liked salads once I had given up the junk food. I understand what the hardest part of weight loss is. It’s getting your mind to change it’s thoughts. I slowly went through a mental and physical change due to the fact that I wanted to lose weight. The exercise was also helping my anxiety and I began to go to the gym as a routine.

  The change was slow. Wanting to go to the gym and exercise. I always felt like a gym was no place for me. As I mentioned, I had always been slim so there was no motivation to join a gym. Now I know that being slim is not necessarily healthy. It's good to exercise no matter what the scale says. I've learn't that my mental health is better when I exercise. They say one of the ways you can change your mood is by exercising vigorously.  I decided to go to the gym three times a week. I’d actually get disappointed if it snowed and I was unable to make it to the gym. I would tell myself it's only a light coating of snow just dust your car off and go. I’d look at fashion magazines to get motivation to be slim.  All those pretty fashion models were thin. I'd imagine myself like that. Then I realized the pictures are nice but are these models healthy. I switched to reading women’s health magazines. The stories in these magazines helped to inspire me to lose weight. I mean when you see people who have lost over hundred pounds, you can't help but feel inspired. My Anxiety was lower with the gym as part of my routine. It helped me get out of the house and do something productive.

   I was still on the tread mill but I was up to 3 miles in 45 minutes. Which was quite a bit better than were I started. I began to get curious about the classes they offered. I decided I’d try one. It did not go so well I did not know what a plank was and I was unwilling to try it. Every one else seemed to know what they were doing. I will admit that it was a bit intimidating at first. But I'm not a quitter.  After a while I tried another class for beginners and that went better. Soon I was taking a class in the morning and walking on the tread mill. I started to see results first ten pounds which only served to encourage me. My mental health was getting better also. It seemed like now that I had a routine, it was easier to leave the house. Exercise made me feel good about myself. Also I was not in the same mental space anymore. What I mean by this is that it seemed like I could accomplish my goal. My goal was to lose thirty pounds. I did not order deserts at restaurants, I did not crave hamburgers and I’d rather have a salad then most entree’s.

   I tried a lot of different classes my favorite was pilates. It just felt like a calm way to stretch my muscles and feel the impact of those great exercises. I still walked on the tread mill. In truth I’m a walker. Nothing relaxes me more than a good walk in the park. Although I like the tread mill because It keeps my pace up.

   I’ve learned a lot on this journey. My journey has continued past the thirty pound weight lose. I have gained a healthier life style. A new respect for those that make time to exercise on a weekly basis. I see people in the parks and in the gyms determined to be stronger, faster and more flexible. I've learn't one can' t be in denial.  Your not a kid any more your body has changed and so have you. The other thing is that our minds are powerful you can retrain them to like healthy foods and activities. The third thing is help yourself. Get out and do something. It helped me not only physically. I experienced less anxiety and was able to leave the house once I gave myself a routine. It’s all connected your physical, mental and spiritual well being.