The promise

It was a silly document left in a tiny envelope. Left in his mother's desk, a document he found years later as he was rummaging through the attic.

She had gone to soothsayers, palm readers. All to no avail. His carer told him also of the time when she became rather desparate and she'd gone to Japan specifically for readings of leaves at the bottom of a tea cup.

All foretold of a beautiful child. A male of course, an only child to carry the family name. Nice promises, but not easy for her to achieve as she was a childless young widow. Her husband taken from her too quickly. A terrible road accident, a huge tractor making a wrong turn and hitting his small car, the policeman said, cap in hands and pain in his eyes. She now faced a dire future, rather bleak and filled with mediocrity.

Thus she was not in ''high demand'' from the very few men around. So she saved and saved and one day she decided to leave the place in care of a friend and discreetly go to a near-by town. Young, healthy and determined to find a companion in a short time. Perhaps it is that desperation makes us do desperate things. She dressed as in fashion, but dared to show a somewhat indecent bit of cleavage, sat at a café, occupied herself with writing notes in regard to the novel she intended to write someday ( a gloomy affair with witches and demons) and pondered about that future when a nice young man approached smiled, and asked her if she'd like a bit of company. Charming, handsome and bold. Lovely. (That he was bisexual she did not know of course and would not care). So they talked, liked what they heard and ended up at his hotel. Such was her aim. Alas he was a cheat and did not intend on anything long term, never mind marriage. She had some regrets as she had in retrospect and in regards to her upbringing been a bit too forward, but nonetheless the gift was that she discovered that she was pregnant. Indeed, as she lived in a rather remote area there was not much commérage, she was able to find a nice birth lady and have a lovely child. All the readings had told of great things to come, of a bright future, health, wealth and success, and so she hoped for her little bundle of joy as she pampered him every day of his young life.

Unfortunately she herself was of generally poor health (coughing blood and all the rest) and passed away at a relatively young age, leaving him in the charge a nice carer.

From the height of his ten years, so shy, living in a far off village, he wished to believe what was in the note, while a few tear flowed down his cheeks. How could any of these things come true? He and his carer lived in the wilderness and all he could see was a future of taking care of a few chickens and hens and a few pigs.

That was certainly not heaven on earth.

But his mother had also been very thrifty and saved for him for the moment when it came time for him to leave. His carer had never told him of this, but one day, she saw him rather depressed . He always had his eyes in books and of stories of distant and wonderful places and csstles and lovely princesses. Had she taken a closer, she might have noticed his preference for lofty romantic stories, operas, ballets and mythologies where Valkyries and goddesses ruled.

She found him to be a rather strange young man. Perhaps a bit frail, but she knew this would not last though so the moment approached when she had to tell tell. He was, as her mother wished, made for a brighter future. She approached him, told him of the purse and the immense possibilities. Needless to say of the joy in his eyes, bright lights. Castles and romance and chivalry. From then on he hardly could sit in place.

In time she made arrangements with friends she knew...who also were able to take care of the young man in the nearby city where the chosen academy was. They tought they were doing the best, though the reality turned out to be slightly different.

For the monent his carer had a small suitcase packed and ready the hour he would leave for the academy. She made sure that he had enough warm clothings. (Little did she know that he had also packed a few items having belonged to his mother).

Great promises.

The years went by. But little John never felt quite good with who or what he was. He saw lots of therapists, psychologists and one thing became very clear. John, as in his every day appearances preferred to be Amanda. The years at the first academy were hard. It did not help that a few priests had roaming hands...especially at night in the dormitories. He was traumatised by the idea of having to take on old man in his mouth, as the boy next to him did every night. The boy seemed to like perhaps also because it gave him an extra chocolate bar on occasion. During the day some leered at him, wishing him to serve mass so that he could feel comfortable with the Nothing worked. For some reason they did not abuse and left him generally alone. Except for some psychological pressure. Develish. They nerver did like his attitude either though , and in the course of these difficult years he moved from one academy to the next.

Friends of his carer did not understand - or could not understand his pain and discomfort. Until. Until one day, he took a scalpel, hurt himself in the worst way, was rushed to emergency.....and then they decided to comprehend. So, after years of transformation (s)he became Amanda.

Amanda was now healthy, had a successful career as a lawyer, but no children in sight. Even the soothsayers and palm readers she saw detected none in her future.

She also eventually went to Japan for a special tea leaves reading, but to no avail. But a bit of happiness she found in Osaka as she met the man of her dreams.

As it turned out, her mother's own readings were partly right and partly wrong, a partial success for a mother with the name of Cassandra.