Full Circle

While in shower slowly she realised the droplets are getting bigger and bigger and there was no place for water to move it was rising up and fast. She screamed and tried to push the door just to open it. but, to no avail, it didn’t buzz and within few seconds water was almost to her neck. she was frantically turning the knob to switch the shower off instead, all taps started and within seconds she was drowned..

Standing in the class room with notebook in hand she saw him and time stopped. Oh my God !! it’s not possible! Its him, yes him. But he is not real. 

It was all dream And, she was about to dismiss the whole thing as mind trick when he answered something another person asked. His voice - she could recognise it anywhere. And then he smiled she held the wall lest she might fall down. That same heart wrenching beautiful smile which gives special twinkle to his eyes. And not to forget that little dimple in left cheek. And some careless strands falling on forehead.

Only for one thing…. that, the guy was happily oblivious to the fact that she even exist. And she was so familiar with every thing he does, including all his habits.

Dreams do not get real that too after such a long time. 18 years…. Heck she is the mother of two kids not some sixteen year old dream chaser……

Whats happening????

Year 2000 Place Delhi Sarai Rohila station Time 11:30 p.m. last train to that small station had already gone and she was standing there wondering where was he.

Yes he was supposed to meet her there. She was coming all the way from Pilani to Delhi travelling alone for the first time in her life all of 21year old and standing there waiting for someone she had never met before………

Yes her friend says he is reliable and a very nice guy , heck he was one of the organiser of the event and single and her sister was very keen that they should meet. And, since she did not want to meet so it was the perfect setup to put them together in the name of upcoming event which was in Delhi.

Yet it was a no show. What is it? Is he coming or not? Wait, did he stand me up at this hour in Delhi on an almost deserted platform. Which incidentally does not even have a proper waiting room.

Man this is absurd.

Now what?? She went out hailed a cab. And asked him to take to a nearby hotel.

Shaken and full of anticipations, all bad of course. That slender, pretty and petite women with big eyes and mesmerising smile waist length hair with bouncing curls tied up in neat bun with loose strands framing her face and making her look more vulnerable and innocent, were definitely not of much help.

Where is that God damn guy.! I hate irresponsible people she thought with growing impatient. She tried calling her friends (when she was on station) with pay phone , yes guys, pay phone it is. Since mobile was a heavy expensive machine which not just cost too much but did not cover many areas for network, so almost useless. That time was still the time of wired phones……

But to no avail nobody got connected even after so many repeated attempts.

And here she was alone on unknown roads of Delhi not knowing what to do or where to go?? She hailed a cab to at last find a place to stay.

Finally one destination ,a simple little hotel was found and that child women ushered herself into the booked room after thanking her cabbie profusely.

She was about to dump herself on the bed when she decided she needs a shower to get her frayed nerves cooled.

And then suddenly she felt herself struggling under water.

Its black all black inside and she was groping around frantically trying to find some air……. How long could she possibly hold her breath.

Suddenly there was light and when she moved up she surfaced in a sea.

It was a beach a beautiful beach…… she swam towards it and when she came up she realised she is clad in a beautiful bikini.

Odd she thought. But now she is beyond scared, she is completely bewildered and did not know whats happening……..

There with nothing on her and she did not even know where she is ?

And here he was coming out of cafe in his swimming trunks.

Oh darling what took you so long? I thought you will never come out. She was clueless at his familiarity, yet, curiosity kept her silent. She just needed to know what exactly is happening? She smiled with befuddled expression.

What ??!! why are you looking at me as if you are seeing me for the first time He leaned in and before she could react she was in his arms and his lips totally fused with hers with practised ease. As if they are intimate. She has tasted salt, coffee and fresh water with sunshine all in those lips with faint linger of smoke.

Her reaction surprised her. Her arms wrapped around him and she was completely lost in the kiss. He guided her to their beach chairs his arms still around her waist.

A duffle bag half opened with feminine clothes was lying there, she assumed it was hers, yes; it was, with everything fit to her in perfect measure

she was Intrigued and scared both at the same time. Yet she decided to play along. Lets see whats happening.

Guy was handsome. Sensitive, intelligent, deep eyes as if he cannot miss any detail, straight perfect nose and very lovely well defined lips; cheeks clean shaved smelling like soft lavender, straight short hair and some strands falling on his forehead.

And his smile is like sunshine and moonbeam put together Light and charm exudes. “Heck”, am I falling for him? Well! he already kissed me, looks like we are together. Humm, this is probably one beautiful part out of all this weird stuff. “ She mulled in her head about him. Firm build with very solid chest and his beautiful hands soft and sensitive…. Like an artist’s hands. Girl so far you are lucky, she secretly smiled to herself.

He joined her .. Hey! You alright ? Why? She asked. No; you seems a bit lost as if everything is strange to you. He said, and smiled at her. Instantly she skipped a beat “Heck” his gaze is so loving, or is this special look for me? 

Girl! Put yourself together she chided herself. She searched around for something to answer.

Lets go home He offered. It was already late. Almost dark and She quietly joined him by holding his outstretched hand. They moved towards parking and went to a blue Mercedes. Classic she observed.

Drove to a beautiful place a guard wished them both, she decided she either live here or a frequent visitor.

They entered and she was glad that her hand was still in his. He headed inside and she went in with him. He went straight to the bed room and before she knew he held her in his arms and whispered you are looking so confused just like the day I brought you here for the first time and all I want to do right now to make love to this confused girl again. 

He laughed softly she nervously, then she asked ok so did we made love that day? Hey! don't tell me you do not remember? I hope you remember that you are my wife. 

WIFE !!! Its impossible.

But before she could protest she was drowned into his kisses and pretty soon everything turned into magic.

What is it a sunbeam? She opened her eyes and found herself tangled with a man’s limbs… who was happily sleeping. His head was resting on her breasts she was blank, then slowly it all started to come to her and this time she felt a Panick rose up in her throat. Whats going on? Where am I? Wife!! No way!!!

I am nobody’s wife I am not married. Who is this guy?

 She looked around there were pictures all around, with him and her together .

This puts a question mark? Is this some kind of weird dream? But it feels so real. And him what about him why he feels so close why his moves his every action are so dear to me…. “Dear” did I just thought ‘Dear.’ ‘heck’; for all I know I am sleeping with a perfect stranger who thinks I am his wife which I am not apparently but, the pictures says otherwise. 

Oh God!! He stirred and kissed her then looked up with his sleepy eyes. You awake honey? Yeah, she answered, didn't want to disturb you. And why his smile is doing such a number on me, he says I am his wife that means I watch this beautiful smile day in day out. I should be used to it or what ; bored. 

Accept it girl you can never get bored with something as charming as this. His looks combined with his soft spoken manner-full attitude are making him completely irresistible. This is trouble.

I need to figure out where am I? I am dreaming, a part of her has answered. she bit her finger and no - no waking up from the dream. Meanwhile he was totally into kissing her again, his hands were all over her. Wow! This guy is really something , Not bad for morning breakfast..She giggled.

By the time day moved on she realised something, she knows almost every room and what is kept where, as if it all is coming to her as some kind of repressed memory. By the time night approached she has this beautiful “Deja vu” of actually being his wife….. And knew what to tell to house staff in terms of winding up the day as well as starting the next day.

She was constantly getting her memories faded from the time she arrived here, And she desperately needed to cling to those. So she found a very small notebook and put all the details into it whatever she could remember by then, in broken pieces. She filled them all.

Next days party was even more beautiful she was able to recognise his mom his sister and his friends, while some of them were claiming to be her friends as well. Though she could not remember them much. Yet she decided to be in this experience till it will be unfolds completely. So she chose to put the blame on drinks for her weird behaviour.

But she was scared - scared of the elimination of her own part of memory as she chose to call it. She kept that little note book on her person inside her clothes all the time.

By the time morning came she actually forgot everything about the room the night her life before. Yet, when he went to freshen up, while collecting her clothes she stumbled on to her notebook and read it. 

Now she is scared in a new way. She would have taken it as a prank had she not recognised her hand writing and a very clear mention at multiple places - “I am forgetting everything, this part of my life is slipping away from me. This notebook is my only connection to the real me and, I have to keep it to myself and keep on my person all the time. It is my only reminder and hope to reach to the bottom of what is happening with me. And which part of it is a dream while which part of it is reality.”

Shaken to the core she was pulled into reality (or dream) by his voice hey what are you so busy with. And pain has hit her deep…. Oh my God! I am in love with him and if all of this is a dream and I have to leave one day then will he also be vanished just like a dream. No God no! it is such a cruel joke, Why have I come here and got everything on platter people die for. “Die” is that what it is. I was drowned yeah thats what was written in the notebook.

Ridiculous ! Who drowns while taking shower that too in some sort of black and mysterious way…..

Then how to explain this? 

She came back from her nightmare, by his intense gaze which is now very serious and puzzled. He asked what is it honey? What’s bothering you? I could see you being so lost, and in pain? You look so crestfallen…..Please share with me whatever it is? We will find a way to deal with it.

She smiled at his beautiful sensitive eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck while softly lost herself in his tight warm hug with tears brimming in her eyes. She barely managed to crock, Yes dear.

Next morning he took her to the beach. Hey it’s your day with me. He said we will swim and talk and you will tell me everything about your last night’s trouble.

She felt really light and she decided to show him her notebook and explain everything to him. It makes perfect sense he will be able to tell her what happened before she came out of sea.

They went in to swim. it was beautiful day not many waves. Just a calm and beautiful day. They were totally playing with each other teasing giggling when suddenly the sand shifted beneath her feet. and Whoosh!! she was sucked first inside the water than sand beneath. and before she could even breath another breath she was feeling water all around her but, as if it was getting lowered.

And before she knew she was standing in that hotel rooms shower.

A steep pain rose in her navel button to chest she curled up on floor and cried rather howled clutching her knees to her heart. That moment of loss had burned her through that blinded flash of memory. Memory of his smile, his touch, his worth to kill for kisses. his sensitive eyes deep and soft voice.

Why oh why?? I am here when everything in me is left there with him. Some time later god knows how much time was passed when she had picked herself from the floor barely aware of anything. Slumped on the bed.

Next morning she went back to the life with sore heart. She never tried to find out why her date never turned up She went straight to her home town , quit her job. To start a fresh. Hoping against the hope he is real. 

And scared of forgetting all of it she recorded everything about that Dream. Yeah Dream thats exactly what she called to that experience since everything else was beyond comprehension she had no other way to describe it.

But unfortunately or fortunately she never forgot those three beautiful days and nights of her life

After a failed marriage and two kids later He is here in front of her.

What is he doing here in this Class, Not many people are qualified or interested into these kind of subjects. Well! You are; Something said in her head. Yes! I am since I have been through such a weird experience,

She observed him once again with a deep ache in her heart.

Why did she ever come back? Why!! 

Yet she had no way to go back to him so the reality she was in she had to live that.

And now She could barely stop herself. What can she not give just to hold that hand again. Just to kiss him; once this once.

Can they put molestation charges…. Something whispered in her head, and she smiled, despite everything. By then class started being the first day, Introductions began and he introduced himself with the same name. She was barely aware of anything else. After few more names, came her turn. And, when she spoke he looked up as if struck by the lightening.

His eyes was everything at once puzzled full of emotions, wonder, awe, disbelief all at once.

She was more agitated “Does he recognises me - heck it was my dream what would he had to do anything with it.

After almost like a life time that class was over, and before she could collect her things he was there. He looked cation, yet barely could stand away. He gently said. Hi, Something about you is very familiar. Would you mind to have a cup of coffee with me I like to know you more. Before she could think she heard a Yes in her voice.

After he told him about his family and his painful divorce. Holding coffee in hands she heard herself telling him about that blind date, when her date never turned up. before she could come to that weird experience part, he jumped up, what was the date? She distinctly remembered it. Oh my God it was you I was to pick up for that event . And of course a potential date as My brother puts it.

She was speechless and just staring. Oh my god! He ran his fingers in his hair and spoke, You know what, I met with a terrible accident that night and for three days I was in Coma. I have a rod in my right leg which was completely crushed. She thought yes I saw him limping.

But we met….. we did meet. They spoke in unison………. 

By Varsha Dwivedi