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Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.

Posted in Funny on Mar 30, 2021

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✍️ 110 stories

Organic

Submitted to Contest #60

“Ugh, Jack is being quite the nightmare today. Poor kid, though,” said Christine. “Poor kid?” replied Hellen. “I was helping Jessica find the right crayons for her drawing, but before she could make a choice Jack grabbed the whole bunch of them and flung them out the window. Not only that, but when I asked him to bring them back he launched the cello tape after them. Don’t you go poor kidding him.” They looked over at the mats next to the wall, where the children were fast asleep after a messy and exhausting lunch. Jack was at the far end, c...

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The Hag

Submitted to Contest #60

"Who's there?" Booms a feeble broken voice. Joe flats himself on the floor of the half-collapsed convenience store. Why is this happening? He takes a deep breath and with it a quite fat amount of dust from the pavement. ACHOO! "Ah, there you are!" Joe crawls towards the exit when two purple crocs step in to block his way. Slowly, as if simmering terror, Joe's eyes climb up from the crocs on a pair of pink socks which apparently have been pulled over a pair of pantyhose. In turn, the pantyhose goes up into a dark green skirt made o...

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Reklaw and Azar - The Story of a Post Apocalyptic Writer and Publisher

Submitted to Contest #60

“Hurry up, we ain’t got all day” spoke Reklaw in a hushed tone as Azar scrambled to search for a rock.  “Tryn’ my best here you old fool,” Azar retorted as the fading daylight made it difficult for him to find a rock large enough, throwable enough, to kill the hare they’d been stalking for the last few hours. Reklaw spat contemptuously, “Next time, maybe you should make more arrows before we go out on a hunt, you lazy bastard.” “Fucking old fool can’t shoot for shit and wants me to make more arrows,” Azar muttered under his breath...

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An Introduction to the Ever So Lovely Killer Bunnies

Submitted to Contest #60

October 17th, Week 2 After All That Crap Happened A lot of people in the world thought that humanity would eventually be brought to its knees someday, whether it be caused by global warming, war, technology, or even by bizarre and oddball ideas such as an alien invasion or the zombie apocalypse. Everyone had their own theory, unique to him or herself. However, you could bet that not one person in the world population of seven billion thought that humanity would come to the brink of extinction due to rabbits.  It’s been a couple of w...

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Denny

Submitted to Contest #60

It was funny, really. All this talk about nuclear explosions and cancer pandemic, it was all funny to Jane. Of course, her parents didn’t find it amusing, her mother’s forehead was designed with wrinkles and all her perfectly manicured nails were almost gone. From the chewing to the biting to- for crying out loud- the snapping, her mother’s fingers were almost non-existent and begging for release. Her dad was more of the silent worrier, he didn’t show it, not in the obvious ways her mom does, in fact, if you didn’t know him, you wouldn’t eve...

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How it Went Down the Pan

Submitted to Contest #60

“I did it for a laugh,’ Death mumbled sheepishly, trying to look anywhere other than at the young girl glaring at him. That is to say, she looked young. Probably about twelve to human eyes but in reality she was older than all of them. “What?” she roared and took a step closer to him, tilting her head upward to get a clear look at his face, which was bowed down. Death met her gaze nervously and said again; “I did it for a laugh.” War, who was standing behind the girl sniggered. Probably relieved that he was not the one getting chewed out, ...

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MARGIN BOMB

Submitted to Contest #60

MARGIN BOMB by JOE HOLEK I guess now that time permits I should at least try to recount a small sliver of what happened. Not that it’s too important, its the future that matters, not so much the past. But it has been said before, ‘If we don’t take a lesson from history, we are doomed to repeat it.’ Those who said that are now the dust in my lungs, the grass beneath my feet, and the bacteria under my nails. Its odd how the tables turned. Is it sad to envy them? The earth has been ravaged by a holy war, nearly everyone lost their ass. The air ...

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Mary Poppins and Mr.Beans

Submitted to Contest #60

Survive, I can't remember doing anything else but that. Its been 15 years since the world we all knew ended and we were left with this wasteland. There was no greenery, no highrises, tropical resorts, or Neverending oceans anymore. The accelerated climate took away everything from us and burned our mother earth to what it looks like now. A dry, barren, gloomy wasteland filled with cold-hearted survivors. In my world family wasn't a priority anymore, it was to each their own. I had been used to that rule too until I met the  most annoyin...

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The Axe And The Fawn

Submitted to Contest #60

I lift myself over the concrete ledge of debris and perch above my city. I deeply inhale the cold air. The fresh air always puts me at ease. I can hear everything up here in my concrete jungle and see far beyond into the overgrowth snaking around the never-ending fallen buildings. I slowly rise when I gain my footing on the high perch. I clench my fists and broaden my shoulders towards the world that can’t help but destroy everything in it’s wake. I look down for a moment to the far away Earth before crashing down towards it. I scream and ...

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Blackberries, Pillows, and the Problem with Unions

Submitted to Contest #60

A lot had changed in the half-decade since the inevitable zombie virus swept through and decimated the world’s population, any semblance of centralized government, law and order, and decent television. However, after the metaphorical dust had settled, some still found themselves adhering to a daily routine that hadn’t changed much from their pre-apocalyptic ones.  For Dr Adam Able, his day still started at a time that even the Cain Township’s resident rooster found irritatingly early. This early hour of awakening was due to one part...

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The Apocalyptic Pepper Thief.

Submitted to Contest #60

“Good evening Mrs. Duvall,” said Adam, a tall, lanky man with blonde hair in his early twenties. Mrs. Duvall was a mannequin who had taken an unfortunate tumble out of an open department store window during the great quake. She was, more importantly, a great friend to Adam. “Mrs. Duvall you look ravishing as per usual” he said to the mannequin whose left arm was missing. He stopped for a second, squinted at the dummy and proclaimed, “I know what it is. You’ve had your hair done! How lovely. What’s that? Why yes, yes it has been dreadfully ho...

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In the bar at the end of the world

Submitted to Contest #60

‘Uuuh! My head hurts’ ‘Welcome back to the land of the living Alfie’ said the Nick Cave lookalike barman with a smile. ‘Just in time for breakfast’. ‘Wha- … what’s going on here? Why am I here?’ groaned Alfie. ‘The eternal question my foppish friend, why indeed are we all here? Is there an ultimate meaning to our existence?’ ‘Knock it off mate, not that.’ Alfie sits up and perches on the edge of the pool table, feet dangling, he winces as he rubs the back of his neck. ‘I’m sure your beer is gettin...

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Siamese Man

Submitted to Contest #60

   What’s the one thing we all take for granted? Salt. You know those people who try to go on low sodium diets, and one day they’ve gone too long without tasting anything, so they cave and spend their retirement funds on McDonalds fries? But there were no more McDonalds, because the world was trying to recover from a nuclear war that decimated the planet. So where the hell was I going to get my seasoning?   “Can’t I just drink some ocean water with my food?”   “Sure. If you want to grow a third ar...

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Z-Threats and Cardio Sweats

Submitted to Contest #60

Aiden opened his eyelids slowly, willing it to have been a dream, a drawn-out, dreadful, dream. His pupils shrank, adjusted, and took in the three sleeping figures. He heard the whirring of treadmills around them. Nope, this was still the apocalypse. He groaned in frustration, pounding the exercise mat beneath him. Bailey rolled to face him, “You know, mornings will get a lot easier once you just accept that we are living in a world full of flesh-eating zombies.” He flinched at the word zombies. “Oh, sorry, um, flesh-eating Z-words,” Bai...

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Ramen and Zombies

Submitted to Contest #60

" Why do I look like a cup of ramen?" I say as I point at the orange sweatshirt with the chicken flavored ramen pasted on it.  "Your witch costume looked so bad my dog threw up on it thinking it was a piece of garbage," Bethany says as she finishes painting her pinkie finger white. "Fair enough." I shrug and I scrawl down some random answers on my homework. "And also what's that," I say point outside at a creepy masked figure turning his head in a way that people do in horror movies. Bethany squeals like a pig. She has a habit. We ...

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