Ramen and Zombies

Submitted into Contest #60 in response to: Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.... view prompt

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Funny

" Why do I look like a cup of ramen?" I say as I point at the orange sweatshirt with the chicken flavored ramen pasted on it. 

"Your witch costume looked so bad my dog threw up on it thinking it was a piece of garbage," Bethany says as she finishes painting her pinkie finger white.

"Fair enough." I shrug and I scrawl down some random answers on my homework.

"And also what's that," I say point outside at a creepy masked figure turning his head in a way that people do in horror movies.

Bethany squeals like a pig. She has a habit. We call her Piggy because of it.

I open the window as the person starts to back away. Before he starts sprinting I body slam against the grass and lock him against the window. I tear his mask off to find Skyler heaving puffs of air in the October night.

I roll my eyes and I punch him in the stomach making him double over, Bethany and I go inside to finish up our costumes.

We have a Halloween party to get to by 5 pm with everyone in the 8th grade that is noticeable. I got in because I'm Bethany's best friend. Bethany is the prettiest girl in the 8th grade and I'm the second prettiest.

Skyler is pretty popular ( you know that creepy dude watching us through the window), I guess. Oh god, I'm cringing. Is this like one of those stories with those cliques and stuff and how there are a popular dude and girl? Oh god, I should actually stop.

Anyways, Bethany and I finish up and walk over to Jessica's house who decided it would be a good idea to have a party with a bunch of unsupervised 8th graders. I mean does she really hate her parents or what?

Bethany stops at Jessica's driveway and she begins to fiddle with my hair. She pulls the hair tie out to show my black wavy hair. Bethany mastered the art of the wavy hair last night. Bethany has blonde hair and blue eyes and I have gray.  Everyone calls us the Magnet because we stick together and we're polar opposites.

Wow, my life is so cringy. ( I just love how I point out the mistakes in my life. Don't you.)

Bethany urges me to tear off the ramen sweatshirt and I appear in a red silk dress and Bethany pulls out a headband with devil horns poking out.

Bethany has a white flouncy the dress up to her mid-thigh the same length as my dress. She has a fuzzy gold halo headband over her blond hair.

"What was the point of the sweatshirt anyways?" She shrugs and the door opens at her light knock.

The loud noise of Cardi B rapping and yelling floods out of the home. As I get pulled into the wave of people Bethany and I stay next to each other as we enter the middle of the party where the "pOpUlAr" kids are ( Cringe levels are over 9000).

As I settle next to the Bethany and begin to gulp down lemonade. I see Skyler eyeing my devil horns and mocks me. I grit my teeth and I point to his groin and I gesture a cutting motion. He shuts up (Works like a charm).

As we begin to socialize a huge thud comes from the window.

Everyone stops. I slowly get to the window to find no one.

"It's alright guys-" I begin then as I glance out again to find a grotesque looking face with a goofy grin.

Disgusted I flick him off but he does nothing. He begins to struggle to open the locked window and I roll my eyes and gesture for everyone to keep on doing whatever they were doing.

I glance back out of the window to find 3 grotesque faces and they pound loud enough for Jessica's dog to start barking. We ignored it though like the ignorant little 14-year-olds we were. I shut the beige curtains all around the ground floor.

As the party dies down by 8 pm there's only Jessica, Me, Bethany, Skyler, Oliver, Hailey, Angelica, and 7 other people who stay to clean up left. Then a hard bang at the door makes Bethany jump and squeal. We all laugh and I drop my broom and peek through the peephole to find 2 zombie-like people banging at the door with very distorted English.

" Don't open the door. Oliver and Skyler barricade the door with chairs. Bethany and Jessica come with me. Everyone else check all the windows and doors make sure they're locked. Everyone keep a knife or bat or some sort of weapon near themselves. Got it?" I say trying to sound strict but it comes out as if Morgan Freeman is your strict mom.

Everyone nods silently and goes right to work. I head up and tear apart Jessica's flouncy white curtains to look out of Jessica's bedroom window to find the entire neighborhood infested with similar grotesque people waddling around like penguins who need wheelchairs.

Jessica starts to retch at the sight of them and Bethany fans herself with her hand but it just looks like she's flailing her arms around looing dumb. "It's probably just a stupid prank from the high schoolers," I say trying to be calmer than Dumbledore when he is about to be sent to Azkaban.

I lock all the windows on the upper floor then head downstairs and grab and broom and I rip off the bristly part and tape up a knife at the end of it to make a make-shift spear. I make 2 more and hand them to Oliver and Skyler knowing that Britney and Jessica could never even hurt a frickin mosquito.

Then I hear a muffled moan. We all stop and listen for the sound again. Another moan louder than before comes from the basement along with bats hitting flesh. We all rush downstairs to find Angelica and Kyle hitting one of those zombie things. He moans as he is scrunched up into a fetal position. We begin to kick him outside like you would with a pebble. As we kicked him out we attracted more of a crowd and at least 10 ( I cannot keep on creating names for these things lets just call them poop because I'm immature) poops ( Hehe) crowd around the door aching to get in.

We realize that we won't be able to stay in Jessica's house forever. As we all rush out through the back door with backpacks full of camping and survival materials ( It was as though Jessica knew we were going to have a poop apocalypse I mean conspiracy theory that Jessica is the creator of all poops and will turn on us someday).

Poops begin to limp as fast as they can about 50 limping hastily after us. We climb trees and high places these imbeciles can reach. and we realize that these things aren't human at all ( I mean finally I realized I didn't know I was this dumb).

They're zombies?

Now that I'm saying that to a piece of paper and I'm in a cave with all the others ( or at least most of them) with just a candlelight flickering feeling like Shakesphere it sounds very cliche in a way. Now I'm Doctor Seuss. Look at me go I might as well take over the writing industry.

Once these poops decide to die all at once. A girl can dream.

September 24, 2020 19:57

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