Murray Burns

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Jan, 2022

Stories (127)

127 Stories

3971 karma pts

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“Whose Party Is It Anyway?” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #281

Whose Party Is It Anyway?                         “Many are called, but few are chosen.”                                                       &nbs...

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“O Tannenbaum!!” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #281

O Tannenbaum!!“Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.”-Greg FitzsimmonsMarv’s Tree Farm- Endeavor, WisconsinEvergreens at all stages of development, from the 3” seedings to the twelve footers, dotted the entire 100 acres. There was a wave of change across the landscape each year as mature trees were cut down and replaced by a new, younger crop. November is always a time of great excitement at a Christmas tree farm.“Do you think they’ll chop me down and ship me off somewhere this year?”...

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“The Christmas Wish” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #280

The Christmas Wish“Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause.”-Francis Pharcellus Church; The New York Sun.December 24th. Last-minute shoppers were scurrying everywhere in search of the perfect gift or, for many, any gift that would fulfill their obligation to bestow a sufficient number of presents on their spouses, children, nieces, nephews, and neighbors. One little girl stood out in the crowd.“Virginia, what are you going to tell Santa you want for Christmas?”There was a look of sadness in the little girl’s dark brown eyes, a marked contrast...

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“Bite Me” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #279

Bite Me“All those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”-Fredrich NietzscheShady Lawn Hospital for People Who Have Gone Woo-woo“Doctor Flang, your next patient is here. Mr. Z. Omby. He has insurance and his appointments are fully covered.”“Good, good. And what’s his problem, Becky?”“He thinks he’s a zombie.”“Wow, the guy must really be off his rocker. Show him in.”Mr. Omby shuffled his way into Dr. Flang’s office. He was a tall man, with weathered skin and shaggy hair. He walked stiff-leg...

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“Thanks, But No Thanks” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #278

Thanks, But No Thanks“Thanksgiving at my inlaws is why God invented football on TV.”-Murray BurnsThe air temperature drops, leaves swirl around patios and swingsets in backyards, and families gather to give thanks in the tradition established in 1621 by hungry Pilgrims and charitable Native Americans of the Wampanoag Confederacy. Miles Standish and Samoset set a tone of peace and harmony that would be remembered and celebrated at dining room tables from Maine to California for years to come. Thanksgiving, the most heartwarming, feel-good day...

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“What's in a Name?” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #277

What’s in a Name?“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet…”Shakespeare; Romeo and JulietJudge Lester Larson’s Courtroom:Judge: “And you are here today to have your name legally changed?”Petitioner: “Yes, your Honor. That is correct.”Judge: “And what is your name now, sir?”Petitioner: “Bob Shits.”Judge: "Oh, my goodness, young man. How dreadful. I can certainly see why you want to change your name. You won’t need to give any testimony. Petition granted. And what would you want to change your name to?”Petitioner: “Joe Shits.”Judge: “Uh… ...

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“Why Not Me, Lord?” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #276

“Why Not Me, Lord?”               “Atheists who keep asking for evidence of God’s existence are like fish in the ocean asking for evidence of water.”                                                     &nbsp...

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“Dead Man Watching” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #275

Dead Man Watching“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”-Woody AllenI’m dead now, and let me tell you it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. No one is running around in a puffy burnt orange shirt that one of the Three Musketeers left behind, molding gooey pottery stuff to music with some hot chick, or dragging some psychotic kid who sees dead people all over town. No, it’s a pretty static, uneventful existence, and cold… and dark… all the time. And my wife got me a bargain basement casket. I think she got ...

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“Wishing Words” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #273

Wishing Words                                                  ♫“Fairy tales can come true…”♫-           Jiminy CricketDear Diary,Hank says diaries are just for girls. Let’s hope he never finds out I’m doing this… or any of the guys. Mom says...

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“Horrors!” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #272

Horrors!Dennis Hopper- Speed: “If the bus goes below 50 mph, it blows up.”Murray Burns- Reedsy: “If you stop reading this, it blows up in your face.”Or… pick three of the following terrible events that will befall you should you choose to stop reading. They’re broken down into categories to make it easier for you. If you don’t get far enough to make an informed decision, three random selections will be made for you. Make your selection below with an X:_____ Have this blow up in my face.         &n...

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“ The Friendly Phantom” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #272

The Friendly Phantom“A man’s got to know his limitations.”-Clint Eastwood/Dirty HarryOut and About the Town on a Chilly October Evening-“Boo!”Nothing.“Boo!!”Nothing.“BOO!!!”Worse than nothing- laughter.Wilbur dreaded turning in his tally sheet for the day at this evening’s meeting at the PIA (Poltergeists in Action) Lodge. Thirteen attempts; the number of people frightened- zero. Damien won’t be happy. Wilbur again felt like a complete failure as he slowly made his way back to the Lodge.The PIA Lodge-“Gosh, Wilbur, you’re almost late ag...

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“Luck of the Draw” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #271

Luck of the Draw“Nobody gets justice- people just get good luck or bad luck.”-           Orson Welles“I’ll have the rent on Monday, Mrs. Bruno.”“That’s what you said last week, Henry, and the weekend before that.”Thirty-six years old and unable to pay the rent on his rundown Woodlawn basement apartment. The walls were closing in, all youthful dreams of the good life having been abandoned years ago. Henry bounced around from meaningless job to meaningless job and often relied solely on hi...

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“The Puppy Pokey” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #270

The Puppy Pokey“Life is unfair.”                                                                                     &nbsp...

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“The Elusive Genie” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #269

The Elusive Genie           “Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”                                                                  &...

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“No Do-overs” by Murray Burns

Submitted to Contest #268

No Do-overs“I shall pass this way but once; therefore, any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”-           Ralph Waldo EmersonDear future me,Don’t settle.Sincerely,Present SelfJohn thought it was clever, short, and to the point, good advice for any young person about to leave high school and wade off into the great unknown. A positive message- dream, strive, and make...

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Author bio

Dartmouth, then Law School followed by years in mind-numbing law practice; now have more time to write. "Brevity is the soul of wit."

Shortlisted 2 stories ⭐️

Contest #195
A Simple Act of Kindness – read story
Contest #170
The Rosary – read story