C.B. Oates

“Art Is Hard.” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #137

Philbert Einstein Fulbright is Eakin Stinkers’ best friend. They sit next to each other in art class.Dr. Craig Kaiser Krause is the Art teacher here at Trapton School for the Unlearned. He makes us all pronounce his name, especially the doctor part. There’s a plaque on the wall that he points to when we don’t get it right. We are allowed to sharpen our pencils between 9:20 and 9:25am in Krause's classroom. Today, Philbert made the mistake of sharpening his pencil at 9:19. Kaiser Roll, as Eakin like...

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“The Audition” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #136

“Oh my goodness goshness, Sophia! If you don’t audition with me, I’ll make an empty threat and never go through with it!” “That’s redundant, Cindy.” I poked her in the shoulder.“So?!?” She tore the paper off the announcement board. “I’ll staple it back! Don’t look at me like that.”It was printed on purple cardstock and it read:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AUDITION NOTICEAll 5th gra...

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“Dodging Dodgeball” by C.B. Oates

Ernest Workman is the kid who always gets picked last for dodgeball. He looks like a sad seal hanging out with penguins every time he waits to be the L.C.D.- Least Common Denominator. I get math well enough to know that that probably doesn’t make sense. Also, I'm sorry for the 'that that'. I just learned about the 'abnormal accuracy' of the 'double that' in English class earlier today.Actually, Ernest isn't too bad at dodgeball. He’s terrified of that red rubber beast and does his best to ...

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“Trapton School for the Unlearned” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #134

Cindy Saysmore is my single, solitary friend here at Trapton School for the Unlearned. It’s ok though. Cindy's extra, so she’s enough. My parents switched me to Trapton this year, and it’s been a whole thing. My name is Sofia Sitzalone, and I’m in the fifth grade. I feel like I live with a brown paper bag over my head. I like Cindy. She says all of the things that I wish I could. We think just alike, but she is fearless. Miss Gruntles calls her ‘brazen’ and ‘Little Miss Saysmore’, but I vehemently disagree, ...

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“Freud's Drawing Room” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #131

The frail-framed man lifted his legs and rested his back on the fainting couch. He folded his hands over his chest and sighed. The ceiling above was a spatter of blue and black. Its intricate pattern calmed his mind. Squinting to see the details through his round, wire-rimmed glasses proved to be a strain. He closed his eyes to relieve them. The faint smell of the cigar he had just snuffed out swirled about his head.“Tell me of your childhood, Sigmund.”Freud was surprised to hear the voice of his former...

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“Extreme Parenting: 101” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #129

Dick and Jane both moved from separate and more interesting cities to the middle of the Midwest. They met and they married. After the wedding, they decided to have children. Unsure of the child rearing protocol in this unfamiliar region, Dick and Jane read a book. The book was titled Extreme Parenting 101: A Midwestern Philosophy. Written by Sally Doesmore, the manual was exactly 500 pages long. It contained 5 chapters. In order to get a gauge on the philosophy of their new neighborhood, Dick and Jane chose to read the first para...

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“Elizabeth and Rebecca Go to a Party” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #128

Boston, MA December 15th, 1773“So, Elizabeth, are you going to the Boston Tea Party tomorrow evening?” The two young ladies took a break from their board games by the fireside to discuss the matter.“My goodness, Rebecca, I haven’t the slightest.”“Neither have I, and I have yet to gather the details. The town crier’s rumor segment was quite choppy today. Do you not concur? I think he has consumption.”“Agreed, I could ...

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“Pastor Gimme's Reckoning” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #127

“I know exactly what you are thinking. You have that strong feeling that the Lord wants you to give. Without consideration, without thought, without even the need to pray, he requires your contribution to this congregation not simply from the heart but from the pocket book! If you don’t give, you will thwart the plans of the Almighty God! This power is within your grasp. It is your calling. Your duty. Your obligation. If you do not give, you will not get. You want to get, don’t you? You deserve to get.” The suits we...

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“The End of Time” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #125

“Well, Gabriel, it seems the clocks have stopped.” “Yes, Michael, this is the moment for which we have been waiting.”“Time to get started.”“Ah, the new arrivals. So many and just as expected.”* * * * * * *Where were you when the button was pushed? The red button that ended the world. I was sitting at my kitchen table watching the news while eating oatmeal and trying not to be late for work. My wife had just rushed out the...

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“The Couple on the Hill” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #124

In my early forties I began to doubt myself. Had I accomplished enough so far? Did I have enough time left to achieve the lofty dreams of youth? Which would be longer, the trail behind me or the path ahead? I wouldn’t say that I had a mid-life crisis, because no one wants to think of their days on a timeline, but I did do something somewhat spontaneous.It was a windy, fall day in late September. The sky- a heavy, gray blanket- was waiting for the right moment to weep. I was on my way home from work and wrestling with my ...

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“There's Monster on Stage” by C.B. Oates

Submitted to Contest #123

 "Welcome to my one person show!  I will be controlling your every wish to move, speak or think for the next 180 days. This will occur between the hours of 9:00am and 3:30pm regularly and on a daily basis. If you are noncompliant, disruptive, and rebellious, prepare yourself for a variety of severe, punitive repercussions. Yes, you there in the back. Oh, what’s that you say, ‘redundant’? Nice word! Here's another word to throw in your big, brain bucket: demerit! And your name is? James? Well, ...

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