Blane Britt

“The Black Envelope” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #42

I watched her for over an hour and a half pick pocketing people outside of Hard Rock Stadium at Miami Gardens, Fla. Super Bowl LVI. I was doing Miami police undercover work to protect innocent drunk fans. She was wearing a Victorian inspired long length sheer shift lace dress with fancy cuffs and buttons.  In all honesty she reminded me of some kind of Fortune Teller looking through a crystal ball or reading tarot cards or reading Lipton tea leaves that you just might see in a late night movie starring Gypsy Rose Lee. Then I got to thi...

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“Kelpie” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #41

I really enjoy looking forward each week of the prompts that are suggested to write about. It has helped me immensely in my short story writing development. One week I was so baffled that I couldn’t relate to any of the subject matter so I didn’t write anything. If anyone outside of whomever chose the prompt to write something about subvert expectations this week and knows what it means. I’ll wear my Yankee ball cap backwards on my head for a week. Wearing your San Diego Padre baseball cap backward will not help you get a girlfriend. Wearing...

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“Akuchi ” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #41

I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you that I was raised in the Congo Jungle by a troop of chimpanzees like Tarzan.  I’m a psychology professor at Grambling State University. Grambling State is a public university located in Grambling, Louisiana. As a historically black college, GSU has a strong history of and commitment to the education of black Americans. It is a small institution with an enrollment of 3,734 undergraduate students. The Grambling State acceptance rate is 95%.My name is Wilbur Trumbul Asenberger and I study cogni...

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“Ackadakka” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #41

I’m so thankful that I’m not writing you this serious message from  92 miles below the surface of the earth just like the Oarlocks a humanoid species which were once descended from humans, particularly low-class underground machine license plate operators. They exist in several future timelines, notably in Oaror. They were subterranean and prefer dark, as their eyes were sensitive to light. After the Covid-19 or Coronapocalypse as it was called in the hood wiped out 27% of the world’s population in 2020. The aliens from our real and tru...

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“Python Snakes” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #41

I’m not into Ophiology the study and science of snakes in specific. It’s a branch of herpetology that is exclusive to snakes. Another word used for this field is “Ophiodiology” and we call that weird person who does this kind of job a Pee-Wee Herman “Ophiologist”. Remember herpetology is the science of reptiles and amphibians”. As a matter a fact! I don’t even like snakes since what happened in the Garden of Eden. The Garden of Eden is described in Genesis, Chapters 2 and 3. The Lord created the Garden specifically for Adam, the first man, w...

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“Me and Ernie the Wallaroo” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #41

I met Ernie the Wallaroo while visiting Dharug National Park located in the Central Coast region of New South Wales, in eastern Australia. I was looking through my binoculars at gang-gang cockatoos, satin bowerbirds and green catbirds on the mountain slopes. I heard someone or something saying mate! Hey mate it shouted in an Australian accent. Help an Australian brother Roo out! I stopped looking at the wonderful sight to see who was calling me. All I seen was a moderately large macropod, intermediate in size between the kangaroos and the wa...

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“Oops!” by Blane Britt

  Ever since God brought His wrath back on earth in 2020, in which them nonbelievers don’t realize or don’t even care. I had to work from home. That dang Corona alcoholic beer oops! I mean COVID-19  a new illness that can affect your lungs and airways. It's caused by a virus called coronavirus. Symptoms of coronavirus  are a cough, a high temperature and shortness of breath. Simple measures like washing your hands often with soap and water can help stop viruses like coronavirus from spreading. I’m thinking to myself you s...

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“Viral” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #38

The first time I knew anything about something or someone going viral was when these two young ladies asked me and a friend if we wanted to make some quick cash. My friend Crocodile Dumbdee didn’t hesitate to take them up on their unscrupulous offer. I say it all depends on what you’re asking. The female driver says get in and I’ll explain. I say I’m not getting in no stranger’s car and pat my jacket pocket as if I had a gun. She said that she would give us some money if we returned some items back to Wal-Mart. I say if you have the receipts...

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“Dyslexia ” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #38

I come from a musical instrument playing family. My dad played the piano and was famously noted for playing two of Rachmaninoff’s etudes that some say qualified as the hardest piano music ever well, probably more than two, but two stand out to me as being among the most challenging. Rachmaninoff’s Etudes-Tableaux are in two sets, op. 33 and 39. His op. 39 is overall more challenging, and more in the vein of his contemporaries such as Scriabin and Prokofiev. My mother played the Lyre Harp. The lyre is a string instrument known for its use in ...

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“Everyday” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #38

I am sitting here seriously thinking about my two neighbors who constantly spy on me. I been living in a low income project complex for over 4 years. Mine you and me “I” pay over $480 a month from my pension.Later on, I discovered that the lady who was my next door neighbor Regina only pays 50 bucks a month for the same one bedroom apartment. That is not what concerns me the most.Marie and William her drunken all the time boyfriend, who lives two doors down from me honestly believe that the 2 of them are Disciples of Christ, a group of ...

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“Secret's” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #37

The biggest secret I been trying to keep from my family and children is the fact that I truly believe what “we” are linked through “our” heritage. I said to my little baby girl can you keep this between you and me? She shook her little tiny head back and forth as children do at that age and said yes, yes crazy B. Daddy. Even today I still don’t know why my little precious baby girl Adrienne would refer to me as B. Daddy. I think behind my back my ex wife was angerly saying bad things about me, the capital “B.” stood for something. (Bastard)!...

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“A Sudden Disappearance” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #37

A noble colleague of mine at the University of Colorado went skiing one day on Aspen Mountain and was never heard or seen from again. Around the water cooler in the teacher’s lounge I heard it through the university grapevine that maybe his sudden disappearance was not and accident, but foul play may have been involved. It was also whispered around campus that his 25 year old wife is now dating another man even older than him. He was 52 years old when he was accidently involved in a one on one match with an avalanche. Professor Ashbury’s rem...

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“Stradivarius Violin” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #37

I received a call from the curator of The Musical Instrument Museum that is located in Phoenix, Arizona. They collect over 15,000 musical instruments and associated objects includes examples from nearly violins, guitars, pianos, trumpets and many other instruments. There was a shipment of Stradivarius Violins in route and other expensive instruments, even the bongos Michael Jackson once played (Bongo, Baby, Bongo is an episode of Jackson 5ive starring Joel Cooper, Paul Frees, and Donald Fullilove. Michael is kidnapped by a monkey who forces ...

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“A Suspicious Ending in the Woods” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #37

A very good friend in which I grew up with. You could even say that he and I were like brothers. Won over $11,000,000 in lottery winnings. He said that he was willing to give me $100,000 if I join him on a search for Bigfoot or Sasquatch or Yeti or Skunk Ape or Yowie or Almas or The Grassman or Wendigo or Orang Pendek or Mapingauri or Yeren. Or why he even wanted to include me on his bucket list adventure. He also offered the same deal to 4 other people we grew up with in which Ralph a professor at Morehouse College turned down. I should hav...

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“Biazarre” by Blane Britt

Submitted to Contest #37

This might be the most bizarre event that ever took place in my life. I dare not try to share it with anyone, yet I feel that if I don’t get this off my mind and dump it on you the reader. I’ll continue to find myself looking for old and new pop and shampoo and conditioner bottle caps. My brother collects those ring tabs that opens soda and beer cans and even on Potted Meat and Progresses Soup cans. All I know about collecting all them tabs, if your insane or sane enough to collect a million tabs would weigh about 800 pounds. It takes more t...

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