The Secret Book

He turned the brochure over. “We facilitate company retreats and team building in nature,” it said, in bold, green letters. “Team building?” He asked, dropping it to the table. “Why do we need team building? Our team runs just fine.”

“Will all due respect, sir, it could use some improvement,” I said. I tried to keep the flicker of fear out of my face, but I knew that my eyes exposed it. Still, he wasn’t savvy enough to pick up on it. John Devins was all bluster and brute force. There was nothing nuanced about him.

“What are you talking about Shaw?”

I took a breath and told him what he didn’t want to hear.

“This company is filled with yes-men. There’s no innovation, no independent thinking. Actually, it’s group-think at its worst, because they are only taking orders from you. We need to facilitate some trust. Some problem solving. And some new growth. As your Chief People Officer, I think,” I said, picking up the brochure again,”that this program is exactly what we need.”

“Samantha, I don’t pay you to think, do I? I pay you to do what I tell you to do.”

“And that’s why this company has lost two percent market share in the last quarter,” I folded my arms defiantly. The only way to get through to this man was to speak his language.

“Fine,” he said. “But as CEO, let me go on record as saying that I think this is a stupid fucking idea.”

#

“Welcome to Forged In Fyre Retreats!” The muscular man stood before eighteen of us - nineteen including me - in camouflage cargo pants and a black t-shirt that was a size too small, and seemed to be happy to serve its purpose in helping him flaunt his physique. He continued, “If you’ve never been to the Maine woods before, you’re likely in for a bit of a surprise. You are in the wilderness now.”

We had already realized that. From the moment we stepped out of one of the 4x4s that took us from the Forged in Fyre office in downtown Portland, to four hours north, nothing was familiar. It shocked me how many shades of green existed, from a dull, almost brown-green, to a near-electric yellow color and everything in between. And the black flies. They covered us in a blanket of biting terror that threatend to drive us mad. Each of us was whapping and smacking at our skin, killing the wicked fiends just a moment too late. Their bites hurt worse than they should for such tiny beasts, and we knew there was going to be hell to pay later when we couldn’t sleep from the itching.

“The calendar may say it’s summer, but that means nothing here,” the man barked, “Tonight’s forecast is forty-three degrees, though you’re lucky, there won’t be any rain.”

Devins growled into my ear, “What kind of a place is this, Shaw? Where are the cabins we saw on the website? Where’s the hot tub? I’m getting eaten alive out here.”

I knew that my job was on the line, so I raised my hand.

“I’m not done with my intro, and we already have a question,” Camo Man said, nodding to me.

“I’m Samantha Shaw, Sam . . . um, can we take this inside? There’s bugs out here. . . Can you show us to our cabins, maybe?”

Camo Man held one wrist behind his back as he paced before our group.

“Forged in Fyre is a. . . unique experience. Can you tell me, Sam, is it? Sam, why is it that you came here? Why did you think your company would benefit from this retreat?”

I looked at Devins. He was used to getting his way, and quickly. His face told me to fix this. Now. I looked at everyone else. They looked helpless, as usual. I slapped at my neck, the sting shocking me again.

“I feel like our people need more agency. The top-down leadership isn’t working in today’s market. It’s stealing our creativity and ability to innovate. We need to hear from more voices and we need to collaborate. I thought a true team building experience could help us do that.”

A smile snaked across Camo Man’s face.

“Good, good! In fact,” he turned to someone else on his team, “Terry, did you get that? We might put that on our next brochure! But yes, Sam, that’s exactly right. That’s exactly why you need to be here. That’s what we are built to help teams with. So, I know you’re uncomfortable right now, just like you are in your business. But if I fixed that for you, it wouldn’t teach you anything would it?”

I didn’t say anything, I just looked around at the rest of my group. They remained lemmings.

“That wouldn’t teach you anything, would it?!” He thundered.

“No,” I volunteered.

“Sam, are you alone here? Is everyone else mute? I’m going to repeat myself, but let me tell you, I hate repeating myself: That wouldn’t teach you anything, would it?!”

This time, the others, including Devins answered, “No!”

“Very good,” Camo Man said.

“Now, here’s what’s going to happen. Think of it as a scavenger hunt. Somewhere, within one square mile, we have hidden some insect repellant. There are twelve clues, each written on an index card, hidden within that same square mile. You will all need to work together to solve the riddle to find the repellant. It is thirteen hundred. That’s one p.m. for you civilian-types. If you thought the bugs were bad now, just wait. In four hours, you’ll be begging for Dracula to come instead, because you’ll have more blood left in your body after he attacks you than after a night left alone out here with these critters.” He pointed to some camping gear in the distance, and I had a sinking feeling we were going to be learning how to pitch a tent later.

“I’m going to give you your first clue to get you started. From there, you’re on your own, and if you don’t work together to solve the puzzle, then God save you. Any questions?”

A hand went up in the back.

“Yes?”

“So no cabins?”

“No cabins.”

#

“But remember what he said,” Janice said as we stood in the middle of the woods.“‘Somewhere within one square mile.’ He didn’t say which square mile. I mean, how many square miles are out here? We are in the middle of nowhere.” She gestured to the wide expanse around us. Trees and plants and nothing else for as far as the eye could see. Each direction looked the same as the next.

“Doug, read the clue again,” Cliff said.

Doug’s left eye was nearly swollen shut because of the number of insect bites he had suffered. Still, he pulled out the 3 x 5 index card that Camo Man had given him and read it.

“In the wilds and the woods,

You may find the hidden goods.

But exactly where to look,

Is foretold in The Secret Book.”

“What the hell is The Secret Book?” Devins asked.

“Right? That’s what we all want to know,” Cliff said. “I mean, if it’s really a secret, we will never figure it out. So it’s got to be something we know about, right?”

“Right,” I said. “So what do we know about this place?”

“The brochure!” Devins said.

“And the website,” Janice added.

“Ok, good. Good. See, we’re working together! We’re getting somewhere. This is working!” I said. “So, what do you remember about those things? What images? Specifically, images of the forest?”

“Pull up the website on your phone,” Doug said, but Cliff laughed.

“Doug, look around man. Do you see anything that’s gonna get you a signal around here? What is it about wilderness that you don’t get?”

“I remember a giant boulder,” Janice said. “We should look for that.”

“How are we going to find it? It’s not like there are signs out here that say, ‘Giant boulder this way,’” Cliff said.

“You got a better idea, smartass?”

Devins chimed in. “You probably don’t want to hear from me, but I vote we go back to that guy and tell him he’d better give us some repellant or else. I’m done playing in the woods while these fuckers eat my eyeballs out. And there’s no way I’m sleeping outside. We sleep inside, and head home first thing in the morning.”

“I’m cool with that,” Cliff said. “All in favor?”

Slowly, all the hands went up, except for mine. This retreat wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it was working. . .

“Sam, you’re out voted,” Devins said. We’re headed back. This retreat is officially over.”

#

It was dark now, and Camo Man was right. I would have paid Dracula to come and end it. The biting flies were torture. We’d been wandering around the woods for what seemed like hours, and we were no closer to finding the giant boulder or any glimpse of civilization – not that we could see anything at all in the darkness.

“Let’s go this way.”

“No, we just came from that way.”

“No, we didn’t. We came from that way. Let’s go this way. I’m pretty sure it will take us back.”

“Oh, you’re pretty sure? Just like you were pretty sure that time when –”

“Guys, guys, stop. This isn’t helping,” I said, smacking another fly.

“How much did we pay for this retreat again, Shaw?” Devins asked.

I didn’t want to say. It wasn’t just that it was more than I made in a year, it was that I had been so sure this was just the thing we needed to get the company back on track.

“I was stupid, ok? I’m sorry. I never should have brought us out here,” I said.

“Yeah, you’re right. I said it was a stupid idea from the beginning,” Devins said.

“I could have told you that, too, but I just kept my mouth shut,” Cliff chimed in.

“It wasn’t totally her fault,” Doug said in my defense. “I mean, we all came. She didn’t know it was going to be like this.”

“Aren’t they even a little concerned that we’re not back yet?” Janice asked. “I’m starving.”

“Seriously,” Cliff said. “When we get home, I’m calling my lawyer and I’m going to –” but he didn’t finish his sentence. He tripped, falling hard to the ground.

“Oh, are you ok?” I asked, feeling around in the dark to try to help him up.

Janice flicked on her phone flashlight. Cliff examined his ankle, which had a nasty gash.

“I tripped over a stick back there,” he gestured, pointing.

Janice lifted the phone to look, and all of our eyes followed the piercing beam.

“That’s not a stick,” said Devins.

The object was jagged and white, extending from the ground, half buried.

“It looks like a bone,” said Janice.

“It’s probably a deer or something,” I said.

Janice walked closer to take a look, and we all followed, eyes clinging to the light. Attached to the bone was a human hand, clutching a 3x5 card.

Devins took Janice’s phone and slowly reached down and plucked it from the ghostly grip. Using the light, he read:

“In the wilds and the woods,

You may find the hidden goods.

But exactly where to look,

Is foretold in The Secret Book.”

Devins illuminated the group. He looked up at me, eyes wide.

“Oh my God,” I breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

THE END.