Mind maze in the workplace

The mind maze in the workplace

It was January it was cold and I was sat alone at the middle coffee table when finally the phone rang, it was Colin my second Boss who was in a lower position to my actual boss Hillary

"Yeah Jenny we are going to have to ask you to sit tight for now until the roads clear there's no way out at the moment, it's very dangerous and the snow is still falling heavy, help yourself to anything in the fridge and call me if you need to", said Colin. 

I put the phone down and sat back down at the middle table, I stared at the display on the wall put there by Kathleen it was all neat, tidy and well presented. "Come start your journey with us" it read in big green letters and underneath there were pictures of local people taking part in team building exercises. I rolled my eyes at the display. I rolled my eyes because I liked those people in the photo, I liked them alot and I had a feeling creeping up on me that they were being fed with a load of rubbish, however they were happy and with a group of people. 

I walked over to the kettle and made myself a cup of tea. It was the sixth cup I had made that day back to taking sugar again in my tea I stirred it as I let out a sigh. When did my life become cups of tea and computers I asked myself. I sat back down far away from the room in which my computer was tucked away in. Turning that computer on filled me with such anxiety and stress that I couldn't plan my next 15minutes never mind the next month. Things were not going well and that I understood, but what I didn't know was that I wasn't actually there anymore, the Real me, the playful, childlike passion filled 26 year old wasn't there and I was that distracted I didn't even know she left. I didn't truly know I was lost. I sipped that cup of tea as if it was laced with poison. 

Looking at the computers made me yawn soo hard that tears streamed down my eyes and my arms went weak and into a stretch. Suddenly I heard a noise "Clink" I knew that sound, it was the way Raya, the cleaner would chap the door to get my attention. Raya was like a Ray of sunshine, she was awesome. I would sometimes hint to Raya about how unhappy I was without going into too much detail. We would both act out charades of trying to escape our jobs whenever she passed the door window. Unfortunately she was mostly starting as I was finishing. 

"I'm glad you are here too Jenny, my Boss said I've to do some work and wait for more updates what's your boss saying?" asked Raya. 

"It was Colin I spoke to, he said I've to sit tight but he never mentioned work and I'm done with this place so I'm not even going to bother turning my computer on" I replied,

"Is it still bad in here? Well I know others before your time that said it was a weird place to work" she said. 

"I can't put my finger on it Raya but there's something not right in here". 

"You're probably right, I'm going to clean the sports hall but I will be back, If you haven't ate anything they are giving out free meals in the cafe, only three staff members are working it's quiet in there too, see you later" Raya said as she pulled the door shut. Raya didn't know how bad it really was I was too afraid to say what I really  for fear of being misunderstood as insane hence the charades. 

I sat in silence and then got up and walked over to the sink. It was becoming clear to me that I was deeply fed up and that it was time to accept it. In the beginning when red flags started to appear I would tell myself "Jenny this is an opportunity this is how to grow and overcome challenges, trust that the boss has more wisdom than you and that's why things are done in a strange way" I didn't accept my gut feelings, I didn't trust my instincts, I must of been pretending nothing was wrong which is a common thing people do when under stress. It was wake up time my yawns and stretches were telling me this. 

I twiddled my thumbs and gazed over towards Kathleen's desk, it was one of those areas that has a feeling attached to it. It's a feeling that I can't put into words but I would describe it as being extremely orderly everything has purpose and nothing is randomly put there this is also something I began to notice in Kathleen's communication nothing is ever said randomly but frustratingly it's not said clearly, can't be taken at face value but always a reason for it and mostly not a nice reason. 

I then looked over at Wills desk, it was very natural and had an open feeling attached to it. A picture of his family, a sticker from a child in the local area that said "you're a star" and Will was a star he gave good energy out in his silly humour, he had a serious side when he felt attacked and could act out when hurt unfortunately he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between someone who was pushing at him and someone who was helping and often his strings were being pulled by the Boss. He was authentic and a true soul. 

I stood up to put my phone on charge when the Office phone rang, it was Will. 

"Jenny mate I heard you were stuck in work and wanted to make sure you are OK?" he said. 

"Aw thanks  that's really nice of you Raya came in too so I have a little company she's cleaning now, it's all good" I replied. 

"Well give me a call if you get fed up in there later" said Will. 

"I will do" I replied. 

As I stepped away from the office phone I realised I would need keys to go into the work fridge for some food, it meant going into Hillarys office. Hillarys office was always soo cold. I didn't like going into it. I got a horrible sinking feeling when I did unlike in the beginning when there was always laughter coming from inside there. Now it was gossip it was a gossip box. Someone was always getting picked on and speculations were always being made. 

I walked into the office and picked up a set of keys with a green keyring. As I walked in I suddenly thought of the time I had been shamed for interrupting gossip to ask a question. I remember being embarrassed in front of everyone for doing nothing wrong. "Sorry to interrupt can I just ask a quick question" I asked as I looked at Hillary my boss. She crossed her arms and said "well actually is it important?" I was absolutely shocked I hadn't done anything to deserve it but try and blend in and do my job. "It's actually Rebecca our new start is arriving in five minutes I just need to know where her planner is before she arrives?" everyone by the office looked away it was very awkward. "Gina do you know where it is, there you go Gina has it" snapped Hillary as she looked away from me. This was the first time I had seen that side to Hillary but it was nothing compared to what followed the longer I stayed. Hillary would boast about the ways in which she would play with other staff member heads and then do the same things to me, just to make sure I clicked on to the game she was playing it was horrible and was done in a very creative way. 

It had been almost one year and I started to realise it wasn't a nice place to be. Strange things would happen  the people high up in the team would show me posters. On the posters there would be hints at how to behave well it seemed, but could be taken as motivational. I was really freaked out though when they seemed to know things about my home life that I hadn't told them. One time Hillary mentioned me getting a fence built in my garden that I hadn't told anyone about in work. Lots of strange occurrences such as this took place. The people who had manager positions were too nosey they disguised it well but it would come to light when Hillary couldn't help herself and ask questions about people that would never cross my mind. 

As I took the keys and walked past Hillarys desk, I noticed a folder saying person K on it. Very odd but I wasn't interested I brushed past it and headed out the office door. 

I got the keys to the store room and opened the fridge, there was some soup in there and that was enough to fill me up as I waited on the conditions outside clearing. 

I went back to the middle desk and noticed Gina's purple pen on the floor I picked it up and sat it on her desk next to the picture of her Cat Tobby Toblerone. I did like Gina she loved animals and her Husband worked for an animal rescue company I loved hearing about the amazing work they done. Gina wasn't a bad person but she done what the boss told her often against her own feelings it seemed, sometimes It was as if she was reading a script when doing Hillarys bidding. 

I finished my soup when Raya walked through the door. 

"Is it OK if I join you?" she asked. 

"yeah I just need to pop these keys away"i answered . 

I went back into the office with the keys and as I turned around knocked the blue folder with the words " person k" written on it. I picked it up and seen one of the documents, my stomach hurt before I even began reading it. 

It started of with the title, "Person K conformity analysis" underneath it read "Person K is conforming well on the H3S guide, person K does not make inquiries when being given tasks" then another title read "Interactions with others" and underneath it read "Person K gets on well with everyone, when person H asks questions that unsettle his progression he does show some interest in the questions however when these issues are managed properly person K engages back with H3S" There was a scale with dots and numbers, I had no idea what this all meant and some kind of graph. I was shaken by this but put it back and tried to ignore it. 

"You look like you've seen a ghost" said Raya, I jumped I didn't realise she had came in. 

"Yeah I just feel sick now" I replied. 

Suddenly my whole body turned cold, freezing cold and I began having flashbacks. A memory hit my mind like a lightening bolt, of a time I was sat in the Office alone with Hillary and Colin. They were having a discussion about a story they had read about people who talk too much, "People should listen and not speak should they?" Colin said as he looked at me. Gina came in and looked at me she dropped her pen and forgot why she had came in and rushed away. The phone wrang just as I was trying to think and remember this memory clearly. 

I was shaking but I answered." Hi how are you?" asked Hillary. 

My mind was  blurry I forgot her question and said "It's fine the food is in the fridge the computers are still working" 

"yeah well it's a nightmare out here where I am person A crashed into person B and god knows what person K was doing" laughed Hillary. 

I was shaking and soo confused. 

" yeah good I'm glad your OK" I said back to her, hoping she would hurry up and end the call for some reason I didn't feel able to excuse myself I felt paralysed. I can't remember much of what Hillary said in the call but it eventually ended. 

As I put the phone down Raya was coming towards me with a glass of water "Jenny you are a funny colour and you're teeth are chittering" I looked at her, I sat down. "It's this place Raya it makes me feel sick". 

Raya looked at me she looked out the window, then walked to the door "I will be 2 minutes drink that water" she said. 

I immediately put my coat on and grabbed my bag. Raya walked in "They're not wanting us to go, the Bosses are still saying I need to stay" she said. I looked at Raya and I told her directly "I'm leaving and I'm not coming back here, I shouldn't be feeling like this" I said shaking my head. "Yeah I can see they have really upset you".  At that moment I blurted out what I had read in the folder, surprisingly she believed me but I showed her it anyway. "This company is messed up they seem like a little gang of witches playing games" said Raya looking at the folder. 

"I'm not coming back" I repeated. 

Without any words Raya grabbed her things and we both left the building.