My Soul, My Moonshine

I wasn’t always this way. Lost, lonely, broken hearted. Sure, there have been moments within my life where it felt so dark and heavy that I could not see a future ahead, but I have made it so far. There comes a time though, when the pressure of the world overwhelms a person and no matter how hard you try and lift yourself up, suddenly it all crumbles down around you.

I was holding on to hope, genuinely believing that perhaps there was a rainbow after the storm. Light at the end of the tunnel. All the metaphors for a silver lining. Losing myself in my own sorrow, drowning away in vodka and whiskey, the sleepless nights and heavy-hearted sobbing into the pillow. It was all apart of a time that I recall so clearly.

My sisters’ cat and I were dear friends. Out of all the people in Swiftys life, she always chose me to feel safe with. One day she had kittens, 7 beautiful kittens of all different colors. They were so tiny. So fragile. They are so odd looking when they are born. Like little rats. It was not until a few weeks later that I fell in love. All black with a half white face, somewhat like the symbol of Yin and Yang. She was so shy and kept hiding away from all the other playful kittens jumping around the room. She reminded me of myself once upon a time, shy and cautious, sitting alone at lunch time while the other kids played. I fell in love straight away.

The day I drove home with her she was so frightened. I spoke soothingly to her, my little Moonshine, telling her all about her soon to be new home, and how much I loved her already. It took a little while for her to warm up to me, but I stayed patient and gentle. When I let her out of her carrier she ran straight to the bookshelf and I knew I had made the right decision. This was my cat through and through.

It was on the second night that something beautiful took place. I was laying on the lounge, crying from loneliness and heart ache when Moonshine jumped up next to me, gently placed her sweet little paw on my cheek, leant in to nuzzle my nose with hers and snuggled into my body. I could understand her so clearly in that moment, “Don’t worry my human, I will help heal your heart and love you always.”.  It was the creation of our deep bond together. It felt like we had this deeper connection, an intuitive knowing of what each other was thinking or feeling. She always knew when I needed extra love. It was just a feeling, but I swear I could hear her thoughts as well. She really did love me so much.

From that night on wards she was always by side. Underfoot while I cooked dinner, meowing for food of her own, or jumping across my kettle-bells as I exercised in the living area. Bedtime became interesting. Moonshine saw it as play time, and my feet were so fascinating to her. Every time I would even move my feet she would launch and attack. Fiercely! I managed to obtain many scratches and bite marks of the evening. Though I could never stay mad for too long, especially when each morning I would awake to her snuggled in bedside me giving little good morning nose nuzzles.

Her cuddles where my favourite though. She was always happy for a snuggle. To let me hold her and cry into her fur. To let me curl up on the lounge with her, stroking her tiny little face. She was always such a good kitten. Never an issue with using the kitty litter, no mess left throughout the house awaiting me in surprise. She truly gave me so much to be grateful for that after awhile I forgot what it felt like to feel so absorbed in the deep gloom of sadness and loneliness. I was happy.

Unfortunately, Moonshine was growing up. She was getting bigger, and with that a newfound sense of confidence and courage. I would always find her hiding atop a bookshelf on my return home from work. She would claw and scratch her way up the curtains to reach the highest point within the house just so she could look down upon the rest of us mere humans. She was a queen and a huntress. She had grace and boldness. I, however, did not have the availability of a safe home for her to live. The neighbourhood had street tough cats, who would cause fights nightly. I had no backyard or enclosed outdoor space for her to adventure in. I knew our time was coming to an end.

Fortunately, around the same time that I realized that there was no future for Moonshine living with me, my dearest friend reached out asking if I knew anyone selling kittens or a cat. My dearest friend had been through many difficulties in the recent months and was desiring that same bond I was when I discovered Moonshine. To me it was sharing a connection of love between souls. To bless someone with the same gift of love you received when needed most. I was overjoyed. If I knew that my precious little Moonshine could live with a family who understood her the way I did. A family who had big, beautiful, kind hearts full of love, then I knew she would be OK.

The night they came to collect her was one of the hardest nights I can recall. Like ripping a part of my soul away from me. I snuggled into Moonshine and explained why she had to leave me, whilst describing the beautiful souls she would be with. I did not want to let her go, but I knew it was for the best. They came and I gave them all her favourite toys. The stick with feathers, her blanket she favored most, and the small ball with the bell inside. As hard as it was to say goodbye, she took warmly to them both, loving a male presence in the room. Rubbing her body against his leg and begging for a head scratch. She loved them both as much as I did.

Luckily, I can still visit from time to time. She is a real wild cat now. Parkour style leaping from tree limb to roof top. No fear my Moonshine. She is a courageous huntress and rules over all other wildlife in her new home. She is playful and loving. The greatest gift I have ever received and the greatest I have ever given.

I have not always been this way. Lost, lonely, broken hearted, but sometimes, when I miss you the most Moonshine I fall once more into the darkness. In the depths I struggle to recall a life of happiness. A life of bliss. I desire to give up, to let go and watch it all crumble around me into ruins. All it takes to bring me back is that memory of your love, and how our souls are but one. My soul, my Moonshine. Always.