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Funny

Yesterday. A steamy hot night of twenty degrees woke me up at 6am. I opened the front door to a blazing hot sun streaming in. This was going to be another scorcher in the 40’s. I dragged my tired body outside to check the mailbox and almost fainted as the sun bore down relentlessly. Walking back inside I sank back against the door, thanking the Lord we had two evaporative coolers going, making the house at least liveable. My partner was still snoring away, blissful of the inferno outside. How many days had it been now? We had been living in this inferno for a week or more and it was starting to take it’s toll. I put the kettle on ,as usual, then sat down to do my daily crossword, as usual. “Nothing changes.” I thought. The kettle whistled softly and I poured a cup of refreshing Irish tea. I poked the slice of wheat bread into the toaster and pushed it down with a clunk. As I stood waiting for the toaster I wondered what I had to do today. Didn’t I have an appointment sometime this week, at the Optometrist? Was it today? Surely not! I grabbed my phone and looked at the diary. “No, it isn’t until next week.” I shook my head. “What day is it today anyway?” “It’s Friday isn’t it?” “No it’s Saturday!” “It has to be Saturday, we had fish and chips last night!” I thought to myself. Sitting at the table with my cuppa and slice of toast and jam, I finished my crossword and began to read some more of my monthly magazine, starting where I had left off the day before. A few hours later my partner joined me. “Aren’t you going to the Optometrist today, it’s almost 11am?” I looked at him. “That appointment isn’t until next week!” “What’re you talking about, it’s today! You told me Wednesday, you have an appointment on Friday with the Optometrist!” I grabbed my phone again. “S—t, you’re right, it is today! I thought today was Saturday, is it Friday?” He looked at me a bit strangely. “Are you okay?” Realising I had missed the appointment, I called them up and apologised, then made another appointment for the following week, thankful I didn’t have to go out in this heat. The day wore on and the inside of the house gradually heated up. We sat underneath the cooler, wishing the day away. Just as we had done yesterday and the day before. “I guess I made a mistake and had fish and chips on Thursday instead of Friday.” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “It doesn’t worry me what day. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, who cares!” It worried me. If I didn’t keep to my routine, for each day, I lost track of the days. Every day was just like the day before, and the relentless heat was driving me crazy. It was around two pm, time to put the dish-washer on. With all the dishes rinsed I opened the dishwasher, only to find I hadn’t put on the last lot of dishes, which had been sitting there since this time yesterday. Swearing under my breath, I put in a tablet and turned it on. I was just about to sit down when I heard a familiar noise outside. “Is that the garbage truck?” My partner listened. “Yes it is, why?” “Why, because I haven’t put out the bins! I thought it was tomorrow!” “I think you need to get yourself a diary, this is getting ridiculous!” “It’s not my fault! I yelled. “It’s because of this ridiculous heat, and the fact we can’t go anywhere except shopping because of the lockdown! So don’t talk to me like that!” I huffed and walked away, rage building up under my red face. I sat down and let the cool air wash over me, taking in large breaths. He was probably right, I needed a diary. As soon as this lockdown was over I’d go to the newsagent and get one. Hopefully by then this heat wave will have finished. I decided a walk outside would do me good, even in the blaring sun, at least I could get some fresh air in my lungs. I grabbed a sun hat and walked out into the blazing heat. Keeping under the shadow of the trees as much as possible, I checked the mail box. I couldn’t remember if I had checked it this morning early, so thought I had better do it again. Pulling out a single envelope, I read the front. It was from my bank. I slipped my finger under the flap and opened it. The interest was overdue on my loan, which of course meant I now had another fifteen dollars added on as well. “S__t!” I yelled. “I didn’t think that was due until next week!” I stood there by the front gate cooking in the sun, and almost broke down crying. “Screw you!” I yelled, ripped up the envelope and threw it in the bin, which I realised were almost full to overflowing. I walked back inside, huffing and puffing, cheeks blazing and plopped back down in front of the cooler. “You okay?” My partner asked. “You’re very red in the face, I’ll get you a cool drink. You just sit there and cool down for a while.” “Thanks, and I’m sorry about the outburst before, I think I’m going stir crazy. Losing track of time and the days. Everything just seems to be the same day in day out and with this relentless heat making things so much worse. I need a holiday, but unfortunately that’s not possible at the moment.” “As soon as this lockdown is finished, I promise we’ll take an extended break away from everything. I’m sure it won’t be long now.” I loved his optimism. Unfortunately that wasn’t what they told us on the news that night. Early the next morning, I got out of bed put on my dressing gown, put the kettle on, and sat down to do my crossword. The kettle whistled softly, I poured my cuppa and put a slice of wheat bread into the toaster with a small clunk and waited for it to cook, while I stirred my tea. I suddenly had an idea. I turned the radio on softly and sat down to listen to the news, with my cuppa and my slice of toast and jam. “It’s finished!” The announcer cried. “The lock-down has finished! We are allowed to visit friends and grab our coffee from our favourite barista!” I smiled from ear to ear. “Wakey, wakey!” I yelled at my partner. “The lockdown has finished, we are going visiting!”

March 10, 2021 23:26

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