Moving On

I felt my eyes starting to get heavier and heavier and I left like I was slipping off the edge. “ We’re losing her!’ someone yelled ”,” but I had no clue of who it was the only thing I could make out were six blurry figures standing above me. All I could feel was tired and in pain: so much pain. “ Come on girl stay with us!” this time yelled by someone different. I didn’t pay much attention to it and was about to close my eyes fully when- “AVA, AVA wake up you're having that dream again!” I shot up out of bed and turned to my roommate: Olivia, who was looking at me with sympathetic eyes. “Oh right sorry,” I said as she looked at me as if making sure I was sain. Then after glancing at me once more to make sure I was okay she turned and left to go make breakfast. 

I leaned back against my bed, that dream had been a recurring nightmare for the past two years, and what made it even more of a nightmare was it had all been real. The day would always live in my head: the day I almost lost my battle to Covid. At the time I had never taken the virus that seriously, just something I thought would go away with time, and that did happen. But, not before it had come for me too. I had been hospitalized for three months, fighting for my life, and almost losing it until the vaccine came out. At the time people had been very skeptical of it and if it would actually work, but it was just what everyone needed. As the Covid numbers went down, so did the need for masks and regulations. So they were all lifted and people's lives went back to normal, they acted as if nothing had ever happened. Like hundreds of thousands of people had never died. But I  would never forget, I couldn’t. 

Finally, after wallowing in my self-pity for ten minutes I managed to push myself out of bed and get dressed. I walked downstairs, expecting to see Olivia cooking breakfast, but was greeted with no one and a note from Olivia on the counter saying she had got called into work early and she couldn't make breakfast. I sighed and grabbed a nutrition bar out of the pantry, my car keys, and mask, and headed out the door. I was completely aware that we didn’t have to wear masks anymore, but I felt naked and scared without one on. Like Covid was still here and I would catch it. I walked outside the building and walked to my car getting in and turning it on. 

For a minute I just sat at the wheel staring at everyone in the parking lot with no masks, standing close to each other and I wondered if I would ever be like them again before pulling out of the parking lot and driving to work. My work wasn’t very far away, just around the corner but I preferred to drive so I could be behind the wheel. It has always brought me comfort. 

When I had gotten Covid, I had to quit my job at the restaurant I worked at Blue Plate, a small but well-known seafood restaurant. Since I could never be at work because I was getting treatment. After I had quit though”,” I had to take desperate measures so I and Olivia could pay our apartment bill. So I got a job at the neighborhood coffee shop: Cafe Home. Although it was in a pretty busy part of town they rarely got any business because of the high prices. But they were the only ones who were hiring so I had to suck it up and take it. 

After a few minutes, I arrived at Cafe Home. I shut my car off and grabbed my mask and put it on before opening the door and getting out. Upon my arrival, some people in the(empty) parking lot turned to stare at me. I knew why though, it was my mask. They were so used to seeing people without them that when one person wore it everyone went into a frenzy. I rolled my eyes, was it that bad that I wanted to be safe? I just ignored them and walked into the shop and looked around. Empty, as usual. The only other person in here was Rose, she worked the coffee machine while I just took the few orders we got. “Hey Ava,” Rose said with a smile when she saw me, which wasn’t unusual. Rose was the happiest person you would ever meet. Just her overall look was full of happiness. The way her smile could light up everyone she looked at; well everyone except me. I just nodded at her and made my way to the register, my usual reaction when I didn’t want to talk and waited for someone to come in.

4 Hours Pass

After four hours, at five my shift was finally over. But I was worried, we weren’t that popular but today we had only gotten twelve customers which was a bad sign. I turned around to tell Rose I was heading out but found her already staring at me. “ Why do you wear it,” she asked and I knew exactly what she was talking about but played dumb. “ Where what?” I said innocently. “ You know what I’m talking about Ava, that mask”. “I know that time was horrible, especially for you” she stopped to take a breath and continued “ but nothing is going to hurt you now.” She stared at me sympathetically and I hated it. I hate people being sad for me. “ I don’t know” I finally said and looked at the clock” I’m sorry Rose I gotta go, see you tomorrow.” I heard her call me as I walked out but I wasn’t listening, I was just blocking everything out at this point.

At Home

I walked into my apartment slamming the door and throwing my keys and mask on the counter and walking to my room and closing the door(which I felt bad about soon after because I didn’t know if Olivia was home yet.) I then jumped on my bed and laid so I was staring at the ceiling. Those words that Rose said kept circling in my head. What was even worse was I knew that she was right and I so wanted to do what she said. Then suddenly an idea popped into my head. I had always been too afraid that I’d never thought of taking my mask off when around people. Maybe just maybe if I went outside and took it off, I would be ok. Ok, that settles it I thought, before getting up and grabbing my mask for the second time and walking down the stairs to the parking lot. I had already put my mask on just in case. Finally, after what felt like years I was in the parking lot. There were actually a lot of people here today just talking with their friends. Some stared like usual but I was used to it.

Slowly, I took my mask off. My hands were shaking so badly while doing it but I managed. Then very carefully I took a breath and what felt like the best one I had ever taken. That’s the moment I actually knew for sure that Rose was right. For the first time in a long time, I smile genuinely. I then walked over to a trash can that was bear a pair of picnic tables that the apartment complex provided and then threw the mask in the trash. Only one thought came to my mind: I was free.