You belong here

The water was playing with my hair. Some clownfish were playing hide and seek in the anemone. Other fish were darting around, running through the water. The water glistened on the surface where the sunlight hit it. I could feel the sea tickling my cheek, whispering secrets in my ear. 

“ You belong here.”

I did. I fondly remember the days my dad, brother, and I would play in the open sea. We would have mini splash wars. Every time there was a big wave, my dad would shield my brother and me, laughing as the wave slammed against him. I would always be scared for him, but I knew he was going to be okay. One day I cut my knee with a shell, and I remember how he would pick me up, telling me it was going to be okay. Then he would crush me by giving me a big hug. My brother was my best friend. We would do everything together, and when we got into a fight, we would forgive each other in two minutes. I loved them both so much. Then the accident happened, taking both of them away from me. I remember the phone call my mom got, her anguished cry. The funeral. Everything. Ever since that day, I have been numb, looking for a way to drown my sorrow. Then I found it, the beach. Every time I would look into the water, I would see my dad and brother, both of them grinning at me, telling me to come in. At first, I avoided the beach like the plague. I thought if I saw the water again, I would break down into tears. Then I realized something. Going into the water is a way to keep the memory of my dad and brother alive. Ever since then, I would go to the beach every single day. I would swim in it, think of the two of them. It would whisper to me, telling me to stay. If only I could listen. 

Somewhere on the surface, I heard a muffled, “ Kristy! Come up!”

 My mom. She would never let me stay for as long as I wanted to. She didn’t like me staying in the water for too long, afraid she would lose me like she lost my dad and brother. What she didn’t know was that the sea was my home away from home, and I never want to leave it. 

Sighing (could you sigh underwater?), I swam towards the shore. When I saw the sand, I put my feet down, the sand tickling my toes. I emerged, the sea sad as I left its warm embrace. I instantly felt cold, the cold breeze taunting me, bullying me. I instantly became bitter. My feet were still touching the water. If only I could… 

“Kristy! Get out of the water! Now!” my mom yelled across the beach, an irritated tone twining around her words. 

I was getting annoyed. The water and the sea are all I have. My only comfort after what happened. If only she would understand that the water is where I was meant to be. I belong there. 

“ Coming,” I mumbled, my voice so low I could barely hear it. 

I walked out of the water and onto the sand, the sea crying behind me. I tried to stay strong. I walked to where my mom was standing and threw off my goggles. I kicked a towel out of the way, ignoring it completely. I was grabbing my bag to leave when I saw my mom glaring at me.

“ Good heavens, Kristy. Don’t you at least have the common sense to dry yourself to get that gross saltwater off of you?” she asked, looking at me like I was an alien. 

I was furious. How dare she disrespect the sea like that? Gross saltwater? More like the most amazing thing ever to exist on this unhappy planet. I grabbed my stuff, scowled at her, and walked towards the car. I opened the door, climbed into the seat, and slammed the door shut. I gripped the leather seats, my hands shaking with rage. Calm down. Count to ten, I told myself. I was always defensive when it came to the sea. There was something so special about it. My dad and brother’s memories were hidden there. Any time I would try to explain this to someone, they would look at me like I was insane. How in the world can water “ hug and comfort you”? My friend Morgan would ask this question. She would look at me, expecting an answer, but I could never deliver. Water is magical in ways that can not be defined with mere words. It had to be experienced to be explained. As I was thinking this, I didn’t realize my mom got into the driving seat. She turned around and looked at me. 

“ Kristy, dry yourself off,” she handed me a towel, “ you are going to get the seats wet.”

“ I don’t care about the seats,” I snapped, throwing the towel into her lap. 

 My mom glanced at me, shocked. She turned around and put her foot on the gas pedal, sighing. We went on the road to go “home”. “Home” because it wasn’t where I belonged. It wasn’t my true home. 

“ Kristy, I swear to god. If you don’t get your anger under control, you will see yourself on the streets,” she said, half-joking, half-serious. 

I ignored her. I just looked at the stores blurring by as she drove. We entered the neighborhood and drove to our house. She parked in the driveway, turned around, and looked at me.

“ Kristy, honey. I am trying to be patient, I am. But your obsession with the sea needs to stop,” she said, her voice soft yet demanding. 

“ You are wrong. The sea is all I have left, and you will never change that.”

“ All you have left? You have everything, a house, food, clothing. What could you possibly mean?” her voice soft. She already knew what I meant, but she was trying to act like she didn’t. She always drowned that memory away, and that always drove me insane. 

“ I mean what happened last summer. Ever since then, everything has been crazy, and the sea is my only comfort,” I shot at her. Silence. She looked at me, tears in her eyes. She opened the door, slammed it closed, and stormed away. I sighed. I knew it was a touchy subject for her. I just needed her to get off of my back.

I am forbidden to go to the beach for one month. I couldn’t believe it. My mom says this is the only way I can get myself together. I was so enraged, smoke had to be coming out of my ears. How could my mother, the woman who gave birth to me, do this?! I stormed upstairs and slammed the door with so much force my room shuddered. I cried. Tears were making rivers on my face. I was breathing in short, ragged breaths. I told myself to calm down. Everything was going to be fine. Right? 

Wrong. I haven’t seen the sea for a full week, and I could barely function. I was depressed. My mom noticed but didn’t do anything. I couldn’t even think straight. I just locked myself in my room, refusing to come out. One night, I just snapped. I opened the door to my room carefully. I snuck down the hall, careful not to be too loud. I passed my mom’s room and heard her snores echo through the hallway. I crept past and went down the stairs. I opened the door and clicked the button for the garage to open. I was nervous it would be too loud, but my mom didn’t seem to notice, meaning she didn’t come down the stairs, shouting at me. I sighed in relief and grabbed my bicycle off the rack. I climbed on and started the long journey to go to the beach. 

When I reached the beach, the moon was shining down on the sea. I crept to the sand, thrusting off my jacket, revealing a swimming suit. I walked over to the water. When it saw me, it sloshed to my feet, beckoning me to come. I walked in, the water swirling around me, excited. I pulled on my goggles and went under.

Since it was nighttime, the water was dark, but I didn’t mind. It formed a cocoon around me, holding me, loving me like my dad used to do. It danced in happiness around me. Then I heard that faint whisper again, the sea talking to me.

“Stay, and never leave.”

“ I can’t. I am sorry,” I said, crying, the water gently brushing my tears away. 

The water tightened its hold on me, determined not to let me go. I was slowly losing air. The water let me go up for air, but pulled me down again, hugging me closely. I closed my eyes, relaxing for the first time in a week. 

The sun slowly started to wake up, yawning. The moon was surrendering. All this time, the water was hugging me softly, whispering its secrets into my ear. I listened carefully, laughing. By the time it was slowly becoming day, I had to leave, or my mom would know I was gone. The sea got sad but understood. It slowly let me go, telling me to come back tonight. It made me promise. I promised. 

I continued to do this every day for the next week before my mom found out. One night, I was careless, so entranced by the gentle voice of the open ocean. 

My mom caught me.

She yelled at me. 

“ Why on earth would you do this? Do you know how worried I was? I was about to call the police!” she ranted, glaring at me as she talked. 

I listened, but not really. I was deeply thinking about the secrets the sea told me, wondering if it was true. She paused and looked at me. 

“ Listen, I know you love the sea because it is what connected you to your dad and brother. I don’t want to take that away from you, but this is getting out of hand. Sneaking out in the middle of the night is not okay. I think, from now, You will only go to the beach once a week until you learn how to properly behave, okay?” she asked, looking at me expectantly. 

I just stared at her, dumbfounded. Did she just say that? Then it hit me, the sea was possessing my mother. It loved me too much to let my mother take me away from it. I was amazed. Who knew the sea had so much power. I agreed, and that was that.

3 WEEKS LATER

It was nighttime. I convinced my mother to take me to the beach, and she, amazingly, agreed. I was shocked but didn’t complain. Maybe the sea was still possessing my mother. We went to the beach, and I ran toward the sea, desperate to see it again. I ran straight into it, but something was off. It didn’t hug me, wrap me in its arms. It didn’t whisper to me. It was like it was… gone. Wait. No. It cant be. It couldn’t have left me. It just couldn’t have. I desperately searched the water, trying to find that familiar feeling again. Nothing. I shook with disbelief. The sea just abandoned me. How could it? The sea had comforted me ever since my dad and brother died in that horrible car crash. It can’t just leave. I ran back to the shore, shaking with tears. I ran past my mother, up a hill, and threw myself to the ground, crying into the night. I laid on my back, my tears wetting the soil. I looked up and saw something unexpected. Stars. Millions of them, dancing in the night sky. I saw many constellations, marching through the night. Then I realized something, these stars stood for a new beginning. All of them stood for endless possibilities, waiting for me to explore them. I had always tried to hide my dark past in something, and the light coming from the stars shined on them, exposing them. My dark past didn’t define who I am. Only I chose that. Seeing the stars that night unfolded a new future The sea left me because it wanted me to realize this. I sat up and heard that familiar whisper.

“ You belong here.”