False News Travels Fast

“Did you hear, Noreen?”

“What about, Hannah?”

“Oh, it’s awful! I heard from Cath, who heard it from her brother’s friend, Tim…”

“Heard what?”

“Well, Tim had it on very good authority that...oh, but it’s too terrible to say.”

“Say it!”

“Ah, and Cath swore me to secrecy, too. You know how quickly the rumor mills will work if you let them. Though, knowing her, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s spinning that mill herself.”

“Oh, now I simply must hear.”

“Oh, alright. Well, as I said, Tim did have this on very good authority. It seems that - oh, you won’t believe it! - it seems that his cousin - John, you know John.”

“Everyone knows John, Hannah.”

“Of course, of course.”

“What’s so terrible about him?”

“Well, it seems that John has been having an affair.”

“No!”

“Yes! Ellen threw all his things on the front yard this morning.”

“But why would that mean that John was having an affair?”

“Well, last week, John and Ellen were blissfully happy at the club. Betty saw them both, as loving as could be.”

“A lot can change in a week, I guess.”

“You’re telling me!”

“Hello ladies, may I get you anything else?”

“Oh, yes, another prosecco for me. Noreen, do you want anything?”

“Mm, just a water, I think.”

“Coming right up.”

“Everything okay there, Jim?”

“Yeah, Kim, they’re just gossiping. Apparently Ellen and John had a huge fight.”

“Oh no, really? Andy goes to school with Kayla.”

“Their kid?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s too bad. Separation is hard on kids.”

“It was that bad?”

“Yeah. Apparently he got home this morning to all his things tossed out into the yard.”

“This morning? Was he out all night?”

“I can’t think of any other reason his wife would throw all his things out.”

“Appalling.”

“It really is. Ah, thanks for getting that water, Kim.”

“No problem, Jim.”

“Did I hear that right, Kim? Ellen finally booted John?”

“Oh, don’t get your hopes up, Carlos. You’re too good to be a rebound.”

“Too bad. I’d love to show her how a real man treats his lady.”

---

“Really, Karen? The fry cook is sleeping with Ellen? How did you hear that?”

“He said it, Laura, plain as day, right in the diner!”

“That’s bold.”

“Now that John’s as good as out of the picture, it sounds like Carlos is going to treat her how a lady should be treated.”

“Oh, poor John. He didn’t deserve that.”

“Tell me about it! Honestly, how Ellen could ever think about cheating on a nice guy like him, I’ll never understand.”

“Ellen cheated on John?”

“Yes, Noreen, try to keep up.”

“I...I see.”

“Did you know something about it already?”

“I...I may have heard something about an affair. But I swear, it was John having it!”

“Typical of Ellen, pushing the blame onto her husband. She’s been complaining about him for years.”

“I complain about Tom, but it doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with a diner cook.”

“No, because the diner cook is too busy sleeping with Ellen.”

“You’re terrible, Laura!”

“Just speaking the truth.”

“How do you even know that it’s true?”

“Look at her! What man in his right mind would cheat when he’s got a hot thing like her at home?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Of course I am, Noreen.”

---

“What do you mean, she was cheating?”

“Just what I said, John. She’s been sleeping with Carlos from the diner for months now.”

“How could she do this to me, Mark?”

“Well, weren’t you doing it to her?”

“That’s not the point! Vickie and I were a one-time thing - we didn’t fuck for months!”

“Wait, wait. Vickie, who teaches Sunday school?”

“Shit. You gotta keep that quiet, Mark.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Bet she’s hot under that skirt and blouse, though.”

“Aw man, you have no idea.”

“What are you gonna do about Ellen, though?”

“I’ll take care of it. Leave it to me, Mark.”

---

“How could you be sleeping with Carlos, you whore?”

“I never-! How could you sleep with that Sunday school tramp?”

“I thought Vickie was your friend!”

“So did I, until I found out you two danced the fucking horizontal tango!”

“What are you doing calling your friend a tramp?”

“She’s not my friend anymore! She slept with my husband!”

“And she was a better lay than you ever were!”

“Fuck you, John! Get out!”

“This is my goddamn house, Ellen. My money bought it, so my ass is staying in it!”

“Who’s been making the mortgage payments, John? Because it sure as hell hasn’t been you! Oh, that’s right, I took a second goddamn job because you couldn’t be arsed to find a new job after you got laid off! If anyone’s staying, it’s going to be me!”

“Yeah, a second job as a fucking whore, I’ll bet!”

“How dare you?”

“Do you deny it?”

“What? Of course I do!”

“You lying bitch.”

“John, what are you doing? John-!”

---

“Bastard blew most of her face off before taking himself out. Kid’s hysterical, EMTs are taking care of her.”

“Wonder what made him do it.”

“Who knows, Flaherty. Word around town was one of them was having an affair. My bet’s on the wife. What man would have cheated on her?”

“I sure as hell wouldn’t. It’s too bad.”

“Think the kid is ready for us to talk to her?”

“Better give the EMTs another few minutes.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Think he really did kill her? It wasn’t a break-in?”

“No sign of forced entry, Kelly.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

---

“Carlos, is it? I’m Detective Flaherty. This is my partner, Detective Kelly. We heard you knew the victim.”

“Ellen? Yeah, she was gorgeous. Would have loved to have shown her how a real man treats his lady.”

“Don’t play dumb with us, Carlos. We know you two were having an affair.”

“What? That’s crazy! John was the one sleeping around! Ellen deserved better than him, but she kept taking his sorry ass back.”

“Where were you at noon today?”

“Right where I always am at noon - handling the lunch rush at the diner. Kim and Jim can confirm that.”

“We’ll be following up with them.”

“Of course.”

---

“Yeah, he was here. I swear, he’s magical with that spatula.”

“Was he having an affair with the victim?”

“What? No, of course not!”

“Were you acquainted with the victim?”

“Oh, everybody knows - knew - John. Real ladies man, if you know what I mean.”

“Was he having an affair?”

“Wouldn’t be his first, if he was.”

---

“I can’t believe the bastard did it.”

“Mark, are you alright to keep talking?”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry. When he said he’d be taking care of it, I didn’t think he meant this. Honestly, he deserved a bit of a turnaround from Ellen, what with her sleeping with the cook.”

“We have it on good authority that they were not having an affair.”

“Oh, fuck, really?”

“Yes.”

“Shit. I’m the one who heard about it. I thought he deserved to know.”

“Was John having an affair?”

“Well, he did get around. I think the most recent was that Sunday school chick.”

“You’ve been very helpful, thank you.”

“Of course. And...I’m sorry. I didn’t think he’d do...well, do that.”

“We never really know, do we?”

“No, I guess not.”

---

“That’s the problem with these small towns, Kelly. Once the rumor mill starts, there’s no stopping it. Hopefully these folks learn to keep a lid on it after this, though.”

“Think they will?”

“Not a goddamn chance.”