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Creative Nonfiction Funny

Part 1: Six months ago – The Cheetah in the Garden

“I've seen the kitten again,” Jim said.

How many times had he made this announcement over the last two or three weeks? Yet I'd still to catch sight of the creature, despite hearing its pleading cries on a couple of occasions when I’d taken stuff out to the compost heap.

---------------

“Mew, mew!”

A tiny head with wide frightened eyes stared at me from behind an old oil drum. Cautiously placing a little dry cat food on a piece of slate, I took a step back and watched as the kitten sniffed the air loudly. Catching the tempting scent of chicken, it stepped out of its hiding place and came forwards nervously to devour the food. It was a scrawny thing with big saucer eyes and the most beautiful cheetah spots on its sides. As soon as it had polished off the cat food, it darted underneath a pallet and disappeared from view.

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“I finally saw the kitten today. I gave it a little cat food. It seemed to be starving. I think it's been abandoned. It's unusual to see one so young on its own. What do you think we should do?”

“Well don't go getting attached to it!” Jim warned. “It wouldn't be fair on Nikki if we brought a kitten into the house. She's too old and weak now and wouldn't like it at all. You can feed it outside if you want, but we're not taking it in.”

“No, I know. It just seems odd. Why is it in our garden? Where did it come from?”

---------------

With regular feeding the kitten’s trust was gained. A visit to the vets confirmed that it didn't have an identification tag and was, of course, female. It joined us whenever we sat outside in the garden, purring and snuggling under our chins. A search for an adoptive family drew a blank. Nikki passed away two weeks before we were due to go on holiday. The kitten helped to fill the void, but we agreed to leave it outside. The timing wasn't right. A neighbour was willing to take over the feeding until we came back.

---------------

“I thought you said you didn't want another cat!” Susie said, laughing.

“I know, but this one kind of chose us,” I said feebly into the phone. “Your father got attached to it and it was too hard to resist. It's an unusual spotted tabby with amazing cheetah-like spots starting behind its neck and spreading all over its sides. It still has the usual tabby stripes on its legs, head and tail, coal black velvet paws and just three black stripes along its lower back. It has a playful nature and the most expressive eyes. It’s so adorable! I’m sure even you wouldn’t have been able to resist!”

“I guess your neighbour will help with feeding it. You like traveling so much, I really thought you wouldn’t tie yourselves with another animal.”

“We did try to find someone to adopt her, but the longer she stayed with us, the more attached we became. In the end it was Poppy who chose us.”

---------------------------

Part 2: Now – Poppy only wants to help!

Where is she? Doesn’t she know it's time to get up? I’d better go and wake her.

Poppy strolls into the lamp-lit bedroom, crouches low to pass under the bed, turns to jump onto the soft duvet and searches for a comfortable spot.

Sniff, sniff… smells nice! What is it? Get that book out of my way! I want to taste that white stuff! Aww, come on, let me try it!

‘Poppy! Stop it! That’s my milk! It’s not for you! Let me finish reading! Get down!’

Well! There's gratitude for you!

*

What's going on in the bathroom? What’s she doing with all those clothes? There's a strong smell in here! Why is she throwing everything onto the floor? Does she need some help? Maybe if I just lie here on this soft jumper and watch, I can work it out.

‘Poppy! Get off that pile of clothes! I haven't finished sorting out the washing yet! You're in the way! If you stay there, I'll have to throw things on top of you!’

Oi! There's no need for that! If you're going to dump things on me, I'm off out of here. You can do your sorting on your own!

*

Who’s she talking to? I can hear voices but I can't see anyone! She’s sat at the table staring at that machine again! Maybe I'll take a closer look; I know I'm not supposed to go on the table but that machine’s speaking to her and she may be in danger. I need to protect her!

‘Poppy! Get down! Oh no, what did you do? Get off the keyboard! Good job you didn't turn the video on!’

*

What's she doing in the garden? What's so interesting about those plants she’s putting into that bucket? They don't smell like you can eat them. Does she want some help, I wonder?

‘Poppy! How can I continue weeding with you in the way? Go and find something else to play with!’

*

Oh! Great! She's sitting in the garden! I can go and keep her company. Have a nap on her lap. What! There's no room to sit down! This isn't very comfortable, but it'll have to do, I suppose, and that blue thing she keeps moving in her hand is very distracting. Is it to play with?

‘Poppy! How am I supposed to write anything if you sleep on my notebook and grab my pen? I'll never get this story finished now!’

*

What's that ball? It keeps twitching and moving. Careful now! Angle of attack! Wiggle! And pounce!

‘Poppy! I'm trying to do my knitting! You're going to get my wool tangled. Leave it alone!’

*

There she is, emptying that basket for me. It always gets warm after she’s placed wood into that strange box. Maybe she’s inviting me to sleep in there all safe and cosy?

Now what are you doing? Get out of the log basket! You’ll get all dirty! Look, you’re covered in bits of wood! I know you like it when the fire’s lit, but you can’t sleep there, you’ll spread dirt all over the house afterwards. Go in your own basket instead!

*

Is she calling me? Yes! Must be food time! My stomach feels a bit empty, come to think of it. Quick, get in front of her! Push the door open!

‘Good girl, Poppy! Thank you for sliding the door open! That’s a really helpful trick you’ve learnt!’

March 03, 2023 08:37

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1 comment

Phyllis Gully
07:42 Mar 07, 2023

Poppy is beautiful, just as described. 👍

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