A Forgotten Past

I held the knife to his neck. He pleaded with me, “Please I have a wife and two kids”. I considered this for a brief moment before I slashed through his neck. I slipped my knife into its spot on my belt. I looked back at my twin, her head slipped quickly to the left. The signal to leave. I ran to our rental car and slid in the passenger's seat. “One down, many to go.” I looked at Adira. “Where is the next stop?”. Adira looked at me annoyed and turned away. For some reason, she was always mad at me. “We should have never left.” 

      I glared at her. I never wanted to leave Nightlum, I was loyal. But was I, when she held that gun to my head and said follow me I didn't argue. I knew what she was doing. Look at me now, killing the very people I used to work with. 

     Me and my sister were in a terrorist group. But not by choice, we were the leaders' children. I had grown up learning how to fight and how to kill. There were twenty kids in my class and every waking moment we were being trained to be the best assassins in the world. Me and my twin sister were special though. We could beat the instructors in hand to hand combat. We could break any code. We could make any man love us, even if we had no feelings for them. Leader would praise us often, but when we did not win a battle or missed a target the punishment would be great. Once I lost in combat to one of my classmates. Leader was madder than I had ever seen him. I was chained to a chair while ice-cold water dripped down on me. I stayed there for two days. I was nine years old, I never lost again.

     When we were thirteen we were put to an exam. If we failed we would not be part of the class anymore. The test was a breeze. A little weight lifting, emotion reading, hand to hand combat. I did not understand why Leader made it sound so hard to pass. I was sure everyone in my class could ace this test. Then came the last section of the test. I was placed in an all-white room and given a gun. A door opened and I walked into a different room. A woman was there, she was sitting in a large metal chair. Tears streamed down her cheeks. I realized what I must do. I cocked my gun and pointed it at her. “No!” she cried. “Please I have three kids.” I knew she must have betrayed Nightlum. That was punishable by death. Should I kill her? Maybe that's not the test, maybe I’m supposed to not kill her. I shook myself, of course, I'm supposed to kill her, but did I want to? I cocked the gun. If I did not kill her, I would be killed. I would be kicked out of my class. If I was kicked out I would not be released, I knew too much. I would be terminated. I pulled the trigger. The woman's screams went silent. I ran out of the room. I was a murderer. 

     “Aella, wake up.” I shook awake. A tear streamed down my face. “Were at the hotel.” “You know we could stop.” Adira glanced at me. “What do you mean?” “We could settle down, stop killing,” I say in a half-whisper. Adira looks straight. “We can't Nightlum is going to keep killing people, we have to stop them.” “We can’t stop them though, their entire base is underground; we are only killing a few spies that are easily replaced.” “Let’s talk this through in the morning.” 

     We entered the hotel. When we got to our room we went straight to bed. I lay up at night watching my sister breathe. She was right we had to stop Nightlum. Nearly every terrorist attack could be linked back to them. But I was tired of killing. When I was younger I made a list of every person I had killed before I went to sleep, one day I could not remember them all. There were too many to count. I thought of leader. My father, fathers were supposed to love, not torture. I drifted to sleep with the screams of those who I had killed echoing through my head.

      I saw the man I just killed hours ago with his family. Then there he is dead.. I could not escape. “Get me out, GET ME OUT”, I screamed thrashed trying to wake up. “Aella, Wake up!” I sat up quickly, panting sweat dripped down my forehead. “You had a bad dream, you're ok now.” “Sorry”, I stammered. I looked at Adira, “I can't kill anymore, Every night I have a nightmare and they keep getting worse and worse.” Adria looked at me with concern. “Stay here then.” “Stay at this hotel, I will give you some money.” “But he will find me, and kill me.” “Get a fake I.D don’t tell anyone who you are.” “You know how not to be found.” She was right, if I did not want to be found I would not be found. I was well trained. Adria left me with 200 dollars and a room for a week. My life was mine, for the first time in my life. 

          Five Years Later 

James looked at me. “I love you”. I smiled, James loved me. He knew about my past. At first, I tried to make up a lie about it but that did not work, he knew. Not the details, but that I was raised in a cult. That I was tortured, he does not know about all the people I killed. He thinks when I wake up screaming it's from being whipped or having buckets of ice water poured on me. Or watching people die from betraying Nightlum. It's not though. I could never tell him. I will keep it a secret. I will have to live with their screams for the rest of their life.