Sharon's Turn

                                           SHARON’S TURN         

Sharon Morgan sat in a chair beside her husband’s hospital bed listening to the steady beeping of the monitors attached to his body. Darkness would be welcome, but the fluorescent lights flickered, never dimming completely. The custodian finished mopping the floor and wiping all the surfaces. The strong smell of bleach and disinfectant couldn’t mask the smell of rot hanging in the air. All she could do now was sit and wait, but she was quite used to waiting. 

Fifteen years ago, Sharon met Brian. He seemed like the perfect man. He was so handsome, so attentive. He knew exactly what to say to make her feel special. But it wasn't until much later that Sharon realized that everything they did was something he enjoyed. She loved flea markets, rock bands, and being outdoors. Brian, however, was more of an intellectual who enjoyed indoor activities such as art galleries, symphonies, and lectures.

"We should be expanding our minds - learning new things instead of gallivanting in nature," Brian would scoff at her suggestions for things to do. And Sharon would agree to his plans, putting her wants on hold.

Sharon’s idea of a perfect weekend was inviting friends and family for a backyard barbecue and a games night. The first time she suggested inviting his family to her place, Brian raised his eyebrows.

“You would actually serve hot dogs? I don’t think so, dear. We can take them out for dinner instead.” Brian said.

It became clear that Brian came from a different world when Sharon was invited to his mother’s home for a five course meal. All the men were dressed in suits and ties and the ladies in dresses. The men talked politics and the ladies sat smiling, patiently waiting until they were asked a question directly. The after dinner entertainment was listening to Brian’s niece play classical piano. 

After the dinner, Sharon expressed her discomfort. Brian assured her that she just had to be patient. She would learn to fit in if she paid attention.

Shortly after Sharon and Brian became engaged, Brian suggested moving in with his mother until they could save for a home of their own. Sharon agreed and what should have been a short stay turned into five years. Each time they reached the goal they set for a down payment, Brian saw a larger house he wanted. After five years and seven months, they found their dream home.

Sharon spent the next year looking for the perfect accessories to make their home truly their own. One year later, Brian dropped a bomb shell.

“Mom is finding it too difficult to manage that large house of hers on her own. I told her she could move in with us. It’s just until she can find a smaller place.” Brian assured her.

And Sharon spent the next ten years waiting and waiting for Carla to find a suitable place. She resigned herself to the fact that Carla had no intentions of leaving. Sharon would never admit it to anyone but herself that she was waiting patiently for the day she could ship Carla to an assisted living facility. How ironic that it was Brian and not Carla that needed help now.   

For the next ten years Sharon listened to Carla bragging about her generous son. 

“You are so lucky. Brian is such a caring husband; always bringing you flowers and little gifts.”

“Yes,” Sharon thought to herself. “I just had to wait until his latest fling fizzled. After Mary, I got the trip to the Bahamas to ‘revitalize our marriage’. After Karen, I got the sapphire ring. After Judy, I got the Lincoln Navigator. What else could I do but wait? Brian was the first one to tell me that I could never make it on my own, that I needed him. It was all about his needs. It seemed it was never going to be my turn.”

“Brian is so generous. He gave us everything we could ever want,” Carla said.

Sharon could agree he gave her lots, except the thing she really wanted, a baby. She waited patiently for Brian to decide when they could try for a child. At first the excuse was they had to save for their own place. Then it was he had to establish himself in his career. And finally, they didn’t have the room for a nursery. They couldn’t just kick Carla out.

“Just be patient, baby. Mom will find a place soon and we can start our family,” Brian would reassure her every time she mentioned her need for a child. But after ten years of waiting, Sharon went into early menopause and was told pregnancy was unlikely. She brought up adoption or fostering to Brian, but he wanted nothing to do with it.

“Why would you want to raise someone else’s child?” he asked. “We don’t need the worry or the expense right now. Maybe in a few years.”

Sharon knew what a “few years” meant. She resigned herself to the fact that motherhood would never be for her. Her marriage to Brian was filled with so many regrets and so much lost time. 

She knew Brian didn’t have much longer. His body had wasted away to a shell. He spent most of his days and nights in a restless slumber. The doctors had explained there were no more options for treatment and the end was near. Instead of devastation at the prognosis, Sharon felt only relief. The man she had once loved was now a shriveled stranger. She just had to be patient once again and this would be over. It would be her turn soon.

Sharon smiled to herself.

“What’s so funny?” Carla asked. “You look so smug.”

Sharon wiped the smirk off her face and sat up straighter. Her body broke out in a cold sweat and she could feel a tingling in her left hand. The pain started to climb up her arm and into her shoulder. 

“Oh, nothing,” Sharon said. “I’m just reminiscing.”

The last words took all her effort to get out. The pain shot into her chest and she couldn’t catch her breath.

“Sharon, Sharon. What’s wrong?” Carla screamed as Sharon slumped to the floor. “Just wait. Hold on. I’m getting a nurse. “

And it was finally Sharon’s turn. Her world went black and her wait was over. 

THE END