Too Much!

The raccoon sniffled after setting his piece of cheese slowly onto the sidewalk lit by a street light. The crickets were chirping, but the raccoon knew those lightning bugs had gotten together. They would always whisper about the stupid way the raccoon always stuffed himself down in the garbage can. The only thing he called home.              

The raccoon, sitting on top of the junk, sagged, his shoulders becoming a flat line of depression. The raccoon lost his little dimply smile when up in the air, as the two tiny mountains crumbled completely. “I’m snooping for trash. But that’s who I am. I can’t help that I’m a raccoon.”          

“That you’re a loser!” A lightning bug, the timid raccoon had poked his head out to see, was leaning on a fence post. “You’re just going to rot in the trash can. Like the raccoon you are!”   

The raccoon didn’t dare cry. The laughing lightning bug buzzed off, joining the other lightning bugs playing cards and enjoying cake at their usual parties. The crickets kept chirping. The raccoon turned around and slid down his side of the trashcan, sadness pulling him down like gravity. If he weren’t under a raincloud of depression, he’d actually show those bugs how to actually steal and lie like he’s always done since he was young. But the raccoon sighed this time.

“No one loves me.”

He closed his eyes and buried his face into his arms that were on top of his knees—the new mountains this time. Making himself small, the raccoon let his emotions claw him down into the trash of his own despair to suffocate him.

RRrrrr!!!

 Loud growling sprang the raccoon awake the next morning. He scampered up—a huge truck with men jumping off to scoop up some leaves and fallen logs off someone’s lawn. Climbing out of the trashcan, the raccoon slowly crawled towards the leaving truck. Sniggering to himself, he waved to the lightning bugs all sleeping on the fence, bench and trash cans.            

Who’s nothing but garbage now? 

He wore a wicked grin as he rode away after climbing onto the truck’s underside. When the truck lurched to a stop with a jerk, he snuck away among trees and shrubbery. Finding some leaves, he buried in them. When he heard birds chirping above him, he studied his surroundings with a suspicious eye.   

“Birds chirping. Is it morning still?”    

“Hello!”

Jumping five feet into the air, the raccoon shrieked and then came down with a soft thud. Looking into the face of a buck, he wore an annoyed look. “Who are you?”  

“We don’t have much time!” The buck invited the raccoon onto his back. “The princess needs to have a happy ending by the time this book ends! Yes, someone’s writing this book. We’re the characters, and the evil queen wants the princess as her eternal slave. She’s searching for the very woman who is escaping to the other castle beyond—with the queen of love and tenderness and the king of mercy and forgiveness. If the queen doesn’t return to her castle with her slave girl, she’s going to threaten this kingdom. The other queen and king will suffer sleeplessness and exhaustible work until her slave girl is hers again!” The buck explained when he was on the run that the raccoon needed to be on the lookout for the evil queen. He agreed, but, turning around, grinned slyly to himself. Evil queen, when I see you, I’ll steal every jewel off of you. The necklace, the crown. Then I’ll store it for my mate to wear—                   

The buck yelled didn’t save him from getting hit by an overhanging branch. The raccoon cried out, thudding to the ground, growling that the buck should’ve warned him. “I did—before you started becoming all greedy and selfish and materialistic! Yeah, that’s right. I heard you storing up the jewels for yourself and your mate!”         

The raccoon just groaned, rubbing his head. Once the pain subsided, he saw rabbits and their young, turtles and their young, squirrels, owls, groundhogs, foxes, voles, bears, moose, porcupines and badgers all with their young were in a similar sunny spot. The babies and little ones stayed right with their mothers. 

The buck nodded firmly. “The princess is heading for the other—good—kingdom, but we will let her instead of let the evil queen bring her back!”

As the buck spoke understandingly, the raccoon scampered towards the edge of the forest. When the vole started protesting leadership, the raccoon was running towards it, denying everything. “A freaking castle? The evil queen can give me hers!”      

Nearing a group of trashcans—and a nasty pile of trash heaps just outside, the raccoon spotted—

“Hey guys, what’s up!”

 As if he knew them, the raccoon scampered over to several of his own kind, all staring at him. “Yeah—hey. Listen.” One raccoon swung an arm around him, inviting him into the raccoons circling around the outside of the sidewalk trashcans. “We’ve found this marvelous place called—”       

“Trashcan world!” The raccoon stuck a claw towards the trash. “What glorious—”

“No.” This raccoon shut him down. “We’ve found a world better than you’ve ever thought of. Come!” The raccoons all listened to the raccoon’s story of castles, evil queen, good queen, good king, princess and…well, that’s the end of that fantasy story. The leader said, “Please— we’ll show you a magical world of our own.”   

The raccoon wore a hungry smile. The leader led him through a fence and across a lawn towards an opening under a house. The raccoon’s eyes bulged and jaw dropped upon seeing mounds of jewels everywhere. Treasures untold mounted like little mouths of gold and ruby and sapphire and quartz and ornate and onyx and emerald.

“So we’ve been hiding this stuff under here from everyone who walks by—everyone who wears expensive stuff. Rich people. We steal their stuff. So we can have a little bit of fun ourselves.”

The raccoon shook his head slowly. “It’s beautiful!”      

For the raccoon was thinking now of taking all of this so-called stuff for himself. Where he’d store it he had no idea. The raccoon laughed, feigning friendship, when the rest all scuttled back to the trash to decide the best apple to gobble up. The raccoon thought of what he could take from these raccoons.               

“Got something on your mind?”

“Uh…” the raccoon slipped his hands behind him. “Uh…just…you know, I don’t have a mate. I—I always wanted a mate to live with. In a beautiful home.”      

“Well,” the leader slammed a paw onto the raccoon’s back. “You got one! Come on, we’ll celebrate our treasures with an apple core and a moldy piece of cheese.”             

“Oh…” the raccoon swallowed. “Okay.”

 As the leader rambled on about the garbage shining so bright in the hot sun, the raccoon looked back, his eyes shining with desire. I’ll come back for you. And take you to be with me where no one else is. I’ll find other raccoons, give them you guys and we’ll live happily ever after. With the raccoons partying, the raccoon mentally planned his theft. The cherry on top was grabbing that evil queen’s valuables and her castle—all for his new mate. All for himself.     

The animals looked and looked for the evil queen, but couldn’t find her. Stopping suddenly, they ordered the thing behind a bush to come out. “Hey—guys!” The raccoon slipped out, causing half the animals to sigh with relief. “What—what a relief. I—have you found the evil queen?”     

“No!” The vole squeaked, running up to him. It spread its paws. “No, no. We’re still looking!”

“Oh. Well, let me help you. Let me help the princess-queen.”        

“Yay!” A huge cheer rose.

“Then,” the buck stamped its hoof. “Let’s go!” Everyone scattered as instructed, the vole staying. The raccoon said he had excellent tracking skills. The buck narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re a raccoon. You steal things. Am I so fortunate to be with you? Shouldn’t you be away at the trashcans?”  

“Uh…” The raccoon laughed embarrassedly. “Uh…yes. I’m just…I’m—” Then he shot away. Spotting a piece of cloth, he peered closer. A silky black-dressed woman lying down by the stream, her white diamond crown behind her. Quickly, the raccoon swiped it away under the fold of his skin. Then he swiped her bracelet, unclipped belt and loose necklace. Sniggering, the raccoon barely believed his luck as he stored all these things underground. He returned to the dirty underground with the jewels. Watching the other raccoons (who were so oblivious they wouldn’t have noticed even if he dropped everything), he carefully made it out of there so fast he could laugh so loud and they wouldn’t care. Storing all this stuff underground, too, the raccoon cackled. “Wait till my mate sees all these little gorgeous jewels under here! I’ll tell her I got them from a leader of a raccoon gaze and the evil queen. She’ll never believe it.”     

When the gaze of raccoons saw that their pile of gold was diminishing, they were angry and confused. The animals in the forest grew desperate for the princess, the raccoon overheard. Before finding the evil queen, they begged these raccoons to help them. The latter promised help should they get their jewels back from the thief. One angry animal blamed the evil queen. Denying it, her eyes went wide with malicious glee that there were animals she could round up for her castle to use as slaves.

“Never!” The vole screamed, closing its puny paws into meaty fists. The queen looked down at it.

“Find me the princess. And you all will go free one day.”   

“No!” It squeaked.   

“Then I’ll do it myself.” The queen vanished in a whiff of blackness. The scared vole hugged itself, returning to the buck. He smiled reassuringly down at the scared animal.        

“Well,” he snorted valiantly. “who’s ready to save the day?”

Soon, the queen brought the princess to her mistress’s castle. When the animals got there, the vole protested, but the buck softly put a hoof to its mouth. The evil queen vanished, the animals bringing the princess to her rightful castle, reassuring her, but she was bold, ready to face anyone. The raccoon, having left his treasures, saw it all from a distance.            

The raccoon felt a huge swell of loneliness. He escaped to the good kingdom, stealing only the important things from the good. The good king and queen hated succumbing to his lies. Soon, he was caught, red-pawed, with a ruby jewel. The princess ripped it from his paws, returning it to her mother. Everything was locked away. When the raccoon was in one of the castle rooms, he spotted many jewels. He heard the queen remind him not to touch—only gaze. He could hear the king’s consequences in his mind. Then, he reached for the jewels, so shiny and pretty in their casings. Suddenly, the raccoon saw a piece of white diamond hanging in the air.  

“Hey, that’s really pretty—”

“And it’s mine!” The voice startled him. The raccoon whirled around. The evil queen had redecorated herself with her precious diamond belt, necklace and crown. She lay luxuriously on a faint silver and tourmaline throne. It didn’t look like it had been concocted out of thin air. “What do you want, raccoon?”  

“Jewels.” The raccoon ran possessively over to the encased rubies, diamonds and quartzes. “These jewels.”

“I own this castle now.” She looked over without moving her head. The raccoon turned around. He waved timidly at the queen, king and their daughter. Their distressed faces made his heart beat hard and blink guiltily. When the raccoon tried negotiating the diamonds, he found himself in a barn full of gold. Then it started melting—into cups and bowls and saucers. Everything else is precious. The raccoon grew excited, clapping his paws. When he grabbed a piece of gold, a claw turned this color. Freaking out, the raccoon dropped it, desperately clawing the stiff wooden doors.   

“You’ll pay for this!” The raccoon screamed. When he found himself in front of her, he gave her handsomely beautiful face one strong glower. “You’ll see! Once my mate and I—”      

“Raccoon, don’t you want to be rich?”

“Yes!” The raccoon jabbed a paw. “When I take your castle from you!”

The queen laughed.     

As the days stretched into years, the queen treated him like a raccoon fit only for a trashcan. He threatened her with rabies so her death would leave the castle to him. When all failed, he sobbed himself to sleep, nightmares plaguing him. Cast out, the raccoon dashed off, unbeknownst to him, to the princess sitting along a stream.

Where the evil queen had been.

The raccoon hid, seeing the beautiful auburn-haired, innocent-eyed young woman humming to herself. Feeling a hand on her own, she looked up at the evil queen’s tender smile.  

“Hello, sweetie. You thirsty? Drink some water.” The queen knelt, cupping both hands. “Here—take a nice refreshing drink.” The princess opened her mouth, giving in to the witch’s demand. After thanking her, the princess looked into the face of the woman adorned with a white diamond-carved crown, belt, bracelet and wearing heavy black mascara.

The raccoon could basically smell the poison off of the queen’s tongue. The evil queen put an arm around her, taking her away. “Come on, Butters. Please?” The queen’s tone was, the raccoon would’ve admitted if he weren’t too careful, deceptively truthful. He could even hear the pity in her voice.

The evil queen promised her wealth and power and servants beyond her wildest dreams. The princess bowed, and they vanished together, assumedly, to the queen’s throne room, where the queen would introduce the princess to her new throne. The princess would take it. The raccoon’s treasures came to mind. He hoped they weren’t taken by that nasty gaze of raccoons. He thought it best if he go check, and did so. They were still there.

“Are you the one who took our gold?”

The raccoon jumped.

It was the gaze of raccoons.

He sheepishly asked how they found him. Shaking their heads, they all stole it back, but at the cost of the raccoon’s claws at their face. But the raccoon got scratched and bitten, too. Eyes bulging with terror at the thought of having rabies, the raccoon strived to go somewhere to get remedied so as to not die from the possibility of rabies. Just then, the animals burst onto the scene.    

“Guys, guys! Please—I need help! I’m—I got bit—”

“Why are you here?” The buck’s eyes were wild with terror. “Give the jewels back to the raccoons—now! And do something.” The raccoon studied the animals’ partial tails and half-gone noses. Some clumps of colored dust lay piled on the grass. The raccoon swallowed. The animals cried for him to do something before they became clumps.

The raccoon ignored his question. “The princess is captured!” 

The buck led the animals to the queen’s castle, giving her back to the good kingdom.

One day, the queen cursed the princess with a certain bone disease that would turn her to dust if she didn’t return to the rightful kingdom. But the story would end with everyone turning to dust, too, if the princess wasn’t kept in the right hands--permanently. The princess was surrounded by the animals’ truthful words, but the queen’s slippery lies choked the truth, causing the princess to agree with her instead. When the animals brought the princess back to her parents, the king and queen were very grateful for them. They rewarded them with pearls and jewels.

“No thank you, Your Majesty!” They bowed low.  

 The king chuckled.

One day, the raccoon returned to the evil queen’s chambers. She was on her throne, a huge white tiger glowering at him. He yelled at her to end the spell (for he didn’t want to die without his mate), but she just ordered her white tiger after him. The raccoon threatened the white tiger with rabies and then the witch if he didn’t set the book free. When the raccoon bared his teeth, the tiger bared its fangs. But the raccoon smiled when the tiger’s eyes flickered fearfully. Scared, the queen vanished—and then reappeared in a little hammock of knuckled wood. Swinging softly, the queen listened to the raccoon, who found himself where she was.     

“Do you steal?”

“I don’t know.” His shoulder slumped. Then, the raccoon worried. He was becoming like the vole more and more.

“Okay, raccoon. Lie to me.”

The raccoon whimpered.

“What’s that to you?”

“I want my mate. I want to belong!”

“You do?” The queen looked over at him without turning her head. “Who trusts a thief?”

“No one.” The raccoon hugged himself self-piteously. The queen called the white tiger, and he came to her, she petting and talking to it.

The queen spotted the raccoon by the river. She promised him a pampered life similar to that of her pampered white tiger. Jewels decorating him would satisfy his greedy heart, no?   

The raccoon thought—a rich life with his mate, or this book’s characters turning to dust?

Escaping somewhere to find a gaze of raccoons, he met a female raccoon. Greed and materialism slithered into their hearts. The raccoons became masters at their craft. They were satisfied grabbing what they could. From rich people.    

One day, the raccoon threatened the queen’s tiger with rabies if he didn’t have her castle. The evil queen used them to steal for her. They were her thieving pets. Thieving pests. Soon, she had the good kingdom under her thumb. The good kingdom threatened war. Seeing that her pet tiger was turning to dust, the queen left everyone alone, rescuing him. The good kingdom rejoiced.   

 And the raccoon and his mate stole from rich people by day, guarding her kingdom by night.

One day, they left to live together. Stole the dead queen’s jewels, diamonds and gold, and lived a rich life.