The Game of Life

The game of life has always been a weird concept for me. And a confusing one. Too many rules and not enough instructions on how to play. Do you wait for someone else to make the first move or should I work up the courage? How do you know when you've won? Or when the game has just begun?

                                                                                    -Marianne

I walked down my new school uneasily. My stomach was doing all kinds of weird exercises on the inside. Jumping jacks, somersaults, squats, you get the gist.

The cafeteria was a sea of faces. A low buzz of chatter echoed from the walls and the ceiling as students talked away. They were all dressed identically in their school uniforms of blue shirts and navy pants or skirts. I looked down to see I was dressed the same.

The game of life has a lot of rules I don’t understand. Should I sit down with them, and risk not knowing if I am wanted or not? I can’t tell.

I tend to play it safe a lot. Like I did now. I sit at the far side of the table, where no one else is sitting.

I can’t decide if I’m happy or terrified when a new face sits down in front of me.

A few seconds of silence goes by. I want to say something, but I can’t fight the words out of my throat.

Luckily, she makes the first move. “Hi. I’m June.”

My shoulders relax after the first words are spoken. I sigh in my head. “I’m Marianne.”

It’s not hard to make new friends. All you have to do is say hi and keep the conversation flowing. Unfortunately for me, that’s the hardest part.

***

Everybody needs someone to take them under their wing. Preferably someone really outgoing, loud, and smart. Did I mention loud?

                                                                             -Marianne

Once June gets going, you can’t stop her.

“So, Marianne, right? What a unique name. I hate my name. So basic and I’ve met at least 3 other girls with the same name. It’s so confusing. And as if that wasn’t enough, my name is a month. Do you know how confusing that is?...” She could’ve gone all day just talking about names.

“I like my name.” I finally said, not sure what else to mention.

“Well, of course you do. You have a nice name.” When I didn’t say anything in return, June frowned down at me. “Are you nervous?”

“I don’t-”

“Would it help if you went to my house? I could get to know you more.” She suggested.

I cocked my head. This was the kind of friend I needed. I had always lived in a little bubble, too scared to pop it. But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for someone else to pop it for me.

“Okay.” I said.

***

Who needs a bunch of friends when you have one good friend?

                                     -Marianne.

June stayed true to her word. She stuck to me like glue, asking me questions about myself. She was the only person who I didn’t feel like running away from. And I loved it. It felt good to have someone listening intently to what you have to say.

What was June in my complicated version of the game of life? June was the surprise card that you pick up along the way and keep it with you until you lose it.

I would love to tell you that June helped me pop my bubble and I started talking to lots and lots of people.

The truth? I had been hanging out with June for a few months now, and I was fine with that. Without anybody else. Unfortunately, June wasn’t fine with it.

She wanted me to get out more.

So, she invited me over to her house again. (I wasn’t sure how that would help. It was just her and her brother.)

***

I hate surprises

                  -Marianne

My father was fairly surprised when I asked him to go over to June’s house, even though I had been over a couple of times now. In a way, it’s nice for your father to think you’re like a fish out of water, struggling to breathe. (His words, not mine.) Then when you want to go out, there is no debate, only relief that you are aware of the outside world.

My father dropped me off at June’s house an hour after I asked him. June’s house was a big, white, two-story place with a welcome mat at the door. And she still had her Christmas lights all around the fence.

Then I heard the unmistakable sound of loud music seeping through the cracks of the doors.

June loves listening to music while she does homework. Sure, not usually so loud, but I quickly knocked on the door even though something felt wrong. June asked me to dress in something nice. Why would she ask me to do that?

Then I heard the unmistakable sound of a male voice, that wasn’t June’s brother.

June answered the door, and I actually squealed. On the inside, were… Too many people to count. They were either dancing or taking refreshments.

“Surprise!” June yelled, pulling me in.

I was too shocked to say anything. “A-”

“Party!” June bellowed, putting her arm through mine.

***

This is the part of the game where you pull out a mystery card and it tells you to go back to the start.

                                   -Marianne

All the confidence squeezed out of me like a deflated balloon. I felt as small as a mouse in that room. Like I did when I first met June. People brushed my side left and right.

I recognized a few people from school. None of them were dressed in their identical uniforms. I could spot each of them out individually.

She tried to help, but I couldn’t help but feel a little mad. I looked around at all the people attending. One of them included Paxton. That made me a bit madder, and redder.

“You invited Paxton.” I muttered, just barely audible over the music.

She nodded, confused. “I thought you liked him.”

“That’s exactly why I’m mad right now.” I said.

“Oh.”

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a bit tempted to go talk to him. “Should I go over?” I asked quietly.

“Just follow your heart.” She said.

I smiled at her, then yelled, “THAT’S NOT REAL ADVICE!”

She rolled her eyes. “Just go.” She pushed me over, and I landed just 2 or 3 feet away from him.

***

Wanna know why people don’t talk to people they aren’t comfortable with? Because they’re not comfortable with them.

                                                                         -Marianne

I hadn’t rehearsed what to say, which I immediately regretted.

“Hi.” I blurted out, a little louder than I meant, but the music made it seem like regular volume.

Paxton turned around with a cup of punch in his hand. “Hi, Marianne.”

The sound of my name on his lips shouldn’t have pushed me over the edge, but it did.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to say after that. To be honest, I didn’t even think I could get past the greeting.

“Hi.” I repeated.

He raised an eyebrow, then it broke into a confused smile. “What’s up?”

I nodded. “I-I don’t know…”

I smacked the hair tie on my wrist against my skin and it made me feel a little better.

Paxton smiled teasingly

I let him lead me onto the dance floor, silently cursing June.

But it was nothing horrible. More like two people dancing very badly on the tiled floor. June was dancing right beside me.

After the song was over, Paxton smiled at me and went back over with his friends.

“That will never happen again.” June said behind me. "Unless you want it to."

I looked at her, knowing what she meant. “I’ll talk to him in school.” I wasn’t sure if I meant it, but I did know that I had learned something in the matter of 30 minutes dancing and being forced to greet people. The layer of my bubble wasn't so thick anymore.

You can't win the game of life. All you can do is play until the game ends. And try to make the first move.

                                                        -Marianne