Cafe Crushed

First Monday morning in the new city. Excited to be amongst the hustle & bustle after being out of work much longer than anticipated. Completely heartbroken from being laid off from my dream job I packed up and headed clear across the country, nothing better than a total clean slate. After being rejected by everything I applied for in my hometown I decided to broaden the search. There truly wasn’t much reason to stay in the town I’d grown up in and even my super attached mom welcomed the thought of me moving away to “see the world” as she put it. Accepting a fairly generous offer a few states away didn’t feel as scary as I thought it would.  It was quite easy packing up the U-Haul and heading south. Setting up in the new apartment was a breeze and the hospitality everyone down here is so famously rumored to have is a breath of fresh air.    

I feel good in my outfit, the weather is great, and I’ve mapped out my travels so I feel totally at ease.  My landlady mentioned the local coffee bar so I’m heading that way for a favorite New York breakfast of mine, coffee and a bagel. I can smell the beans brewing from the parking lot around the corner and my caffeinated heart does a little happy dance. There seems to be a bit of a line but it appears to be moving along fairly quickly. Gratefully I have more than enough time for this stop, wanted to make sure of that. I love routine and with this place being on my way into the office I would love if it all works out taste wise then it can be my local spot. I watch people coming out as I try to get a sense of what they ordered. This place has no online website so I’m unable to browse the menu until I make it inside. I’ll grab a few things to sample throughout the day, strictly for research purposes of course. 

I get close enough to the door to be able to check out the décor, cute. I can definitely see myself coming to sit on the overstuffed sofas and cozy up with a cup of joe. I love the brightly colored rugs, the many mirrors covering the walls, and do I see chandeliers!?  I’m practically picking out which corner will be “my” space when I hear my name.  I turn to see one of my new co-workers Halsey. 

Halsey: “Good morning! I see you’ve stumbled on our favorite breakfast spot. No need to stand on this line, we’ve picked up a whole bunch of stuff to welcome you into the office but we didn’t expect to see you so... SURPRISE, yay! C’mon let’s get going. Do you need to follow us or are you alright finding your way?” 

I assure them that I’m capable of meeting them without assistance. Guess I’ll experience my new favorite morning spot another day. 

First few hours of work fly by with all the meeting and greeting and such, and before I know it lunchtime has arrived. I decide to take a short stroll instead of hopping into the car. I enjoy the sun on my skin and the sights. I settle for one of the local food trucks and choose to sit out along a nearby brick wall. I am just about finishing up when all of a sudden, I hear my name again but when I turn around this time, it’s the last person I expected to see thousands of miles from home. 

Troy, my high school sweetheart in the flesh. Instantly I am transported to my fifteen-year-old self and I am totally blushing uncontrollably. I shriek his name in excitement and jump into his arms...well sort of. He catches me just before we actually make body contact and I start to look around for a wife or girlfriend. When I don’t see anyone who appears to be with him, I move forward with the normal line of questioning- How are you? How have you been? What are you doing here? Will you marry me?!-Just joking.  As he speaks, I take him in visually. Six foot three with dazzling green eyes, smells like heaven, not a hair out of place with the same body of the teenage sports player I remember, and gosh his teeth are so white.  I start to fidget with my hair and clothes, wondering if he is analyzing me in the same manner, probably not.  I ask if he lives in the area and he is very short in his response of “No”. A few weird seconds of silence before I wish him well and scurry back to work life. 

Thankfully today is light in nature so my daydreaming isn’t too distracting. I remember the many cassette tapes I’d make, the extra food I’d bring to lunch, all the trips to the vending machine for Gatorades to provide during his practices. I can actually still smell all the bleach I used making matching tie dye t-shirts, nearly suffocated myself many times in the name of love. I perfected writing his last name in cursive all over my book covers and I would insert his name in all the top pop song lyrics of that time.  I named millions of our unborn children; goodness gracious was I head over heels.  In my version of events, my unwillingness to leave my hometown for college is what drove us apart.  Twenty plus years later and we run into each other? Ok guardians of the galaxy, I see what you did there. 

Many more walks down memory lane in my head and reality knocks me upside the head, we exchanged no information! Noooooooooooo!

Five o’clock comes even quicker than midday did and I sulk all the way to the car. First experience with the traffic but it gives me more time to poke my lip out behind missing my shot at love, oh well. I look up and notice the coffee shop. I figure why not go for that inside view over an iced coffee, allow the crowd on the road to die down. 

Into the parking lot I head, excited about seeing this place up close and also about a muffin I had earlier, YUM. Hopefully they have some left. I get in and immediately start taking it all in. Cozy place, instantly feels like home. I peak over and see “my” corner available. I hurry over, take a seat, and pan the room. Perfect like I thought it would be. Its tucked away from the door so I can watch the coming and goings but close enough to the counter that I felt comfortable leaving my things to go place my order. I’m studying the menu when I hear that voice again. I look up to see Troy having a conversation with the barista. I quickly brush my clothes with my hands and peak into the mirror to make sure I looked presentable; I do. 

We catch eyes and I am first to speak. “Silly me, forgot to give you my number”. I say this flashing the most confident smile I could muster and while scribbling my digits on a flyer from the register. I slide it over and he just looks at it and says “Are you ready to order?” I am taken aback by the fact that I missed him wearing an apron so clearly, he isn’t the manager. I awkwardly belt out the food order I’ve been practicing in my head while in line and he steps away to prepare it. I’m instantly transported back to high school, all the moments of rejection each time I tried gifting him with those carefully thought out cassette tapes and food and tie die shirts. He never even gave thought to how beautiful our unborn children might’ve been and I almost died crying when I wasn’t even invited to his graduation party to celebrate that college he chose so far from home.  

I watch him walk back and I stop my train of thought. He sits the order down and simply says “Have a great day”. I pick up my things are walk quickly back to my corner, heartbroken yet again. I look down at my beverage and see the one thing I’m sure I asked him to omit, whipped cream. Sigh, he never did listen. And neither did pay attention to all the lengths I was willing to go thru to make him mine...like moving across country. Normally I would just make random weekend visits and shake up whatever love life he managed to scrape up from God knows where but yet, totally unnoticed. 

I grin to myself as I continue to watch him maneuver his duties, this game is going to have to get way more interesting if I am to make him my own. I’ve mapped out the parking lot blind spots and kept the necessary materials of restraint in my trunk. It took me all this time to muster up the bravery needed to carry out my plan and I won’t let his blindness to how perfect we would be get in the way any further. 

I get up to silently make my way out the door to prepare for my late-night meeting with destiny. Goodbye for now my love, goodbye for now.