Family Dinner

Family Dinner

He looks at me as I look at her and she stares at her plate. When did green beans and white rice become so interesting? The wrinkles on his face deepen as he follows my eyes, black and brown iris collides. Rather than speak she picks up her fork shoving a bunch of green beans into her mouth.

“Well, this is awkward!” I say and all eyes shoot up at me.

He runs his hand through his dark brown hair emphasizing his frustration at her silence and my smirk.

“Anna,” He whispers breathlessly, almost in disbelief.  

“Anna, look at me!” He shouts annoyed. His face perfectly depicts his emotions as he battles to say the right thing. Anna, on the other hand, continues to eat her beans as if nothing was happening.

“Anna, please just tell me he is lying.” He begs.

“She can’t do that brother.”

“Shut up!” They say in unison, staring at me as if I am the enemy.

“It’s true.” Her words come out sharp, determined yet she never meets his eyes.

He clenches then clenches his fist, trying to calm himself down. His need to control the situation clashes with his desire to be a good brother.

“You do not understand Caleb-”

Unintentionally his voice comes out in a high pitch as he exclaims, “ I do not understand!”

He stands up abruptly causing his chair to fly back a few inches. His demanding frame towers over us like a villain ready to unleash hell but is he really the villain of this story?

“I am pregnant Caleb, not a murder or a thief.” 

“It would have been better if you were either.” He says and for the first time that night, she met his eyes. A fire blazes through them as he looks at her breath heaving and fist clenched.  He slams his hands on the table and we flinch. In this state, he looks so familiar but I could not place it.

“I have given you everything Anna,”

“Caleb please, you are overreacting, calm down.” I try to say, not feeling as powerful as I once was.

“Neither of you understands, she would have never gotten pregnant under father’s watch.”

Suddenly it all made sense. That was who he reminded me of. I look at him completely amazed by the similarity. Caleb White Junior towering over his sister; anger flowing through his veins,  Caleb White Senior towering over his wife; blood on his sleeve.

“I am sorry,” Anna whispers as the realization hits her.

He catches his breath, sighs, and says. “ Don’t be, we will deal with it tomorrow.”

Anna’s eyes catch on fire as she deciphers his code, “I am not having an abortion.”

“Yes, you are.” The calmness in his voice causes me to shiver.

“Caleb-”

“Eat your beans, Anna.” He goes for his chair, sits, and starts to eat. I blink profusely, feeling unsafe at the table. However, I ate my beans.

“I should have been more careful Caleb. I know that but young girls get pregnant all the time and still have good lives. They go to college and get their degrees. It is possible.”

“Anna, why don’t we give him some time,” I tell her through clenched teeth. 

‘Was this child stupid? Doesn't she see the giant shaking?’ I wondered.

“This is your fault, Brandon!” She declares.

“Yes, because I got you pregnant.”

“Shut up, it’s  not that of a big deal!”

“Yes, it is!” I say shouting back at her.

“Of course it is a big deal, can you honestly say that you can raise a child and not ruin its life. Anna, why can’t you see that being a parent is not easy and it is not for the selfish.” I say frustrated.

“I am not selfish.”

“Yes, you are.” Caleb’s voice is smooth as he stands, picks up his plate, and heads towards the kitchen. 

Anna follows behind him fuming and standing on her feet.

“You would know all about selfishness Caleb. All you ever do is think about  you and your image!”

Caleb’s head snaps around as he stares at her in disbelief. 

“I am selfish? Me who dropped out of college after our mother killed our father so you two wouldn’t be alone me?”

“Stop telling yourself you did it for us! You didn’t! You did it to fulfill some stupid idea in your head, dad died and you became him. Dressing like him, going to his office to sit in his chair and do his work then coming home to his kids. You could not handle who he was nor his death. You need help!”

Five years ago, at our parents' funeral, my brother stood tall with his head up. He held our hands and reassured us everything would be okay. He spoke about them with passion and love but he never cried. In all my years, I had never seen him cry but as he stood before us, he could not stop it. Caleb White Junior had finally broken. 

“I did it because he asked me to. I did it because no one else would. I did it because he was a shitty father to me and I didn’t want you two living the messed up life I did.”

He throws the plate across the room, it breaks instantly upon contact pieces flying everywhere.

“It was never a matter of not accepting, I accepted everything. I accepted that neither of our parents was good, I accepted their death, I accepted that I have no idea who I am outside of this role and I have accepted that you are a selfish, ungrateful little brat who doesn’t care about anyone but herself?”

The room goes dead silent. Tempted by the devil, I decided to try and ease the tension but no words came out. The sole picture of our parents that Caleb allowed us to keep hanging on the wall. Their eyes were staring at us. Our father had his hand wrapped around our mother and they both stared directly into the camera with big smiles. Behind them was our dining room table filled with food. I remember that dinner and remember how that dinner ended. I remember the look on her face as she shot him and herself in front of us. I remember feeling helpless, I remember telling a joke after it happened something along the lines of,

“Well, that’s one way to end the night.” 

I remember not helping. A picture is really worth a thousand words but who said those words had to be true. Beside the picture was a picture of us. The two of them are smiling as I stick out my tongue. We look so happy, so complete, so unbroken.

“You are sixteen years old Anna. This isn’t a good thing.”

“Shut up Brandon.”

“No! Listen to me, we aren’t them, let's not be them.”