The News-Raider Fam

“The news-raiders’ convention. Who would ever think of something so inspired, right? Well, me!

My love for news-bombing

started at a very young age, which seems fair since it would be a crime to

deprive the world of seeing such a handsome face on TV. And the story of how

this convention came to be is one even small kids are familiar with. That single

tweet, 13 words, 200k+ retweets and shares – “Does anyone else get a rush from

appearing during the live news reporting?!” 

Honestly, it’s not surprising

how much reach the tweet had; I am known to have many followers. But even then,

I did not expect so many people to relate. It was like I found my family… ermm,

can you scratch that? My mom would murder me if it sounded like I wanted to

replace her. No? Okay. Anyway, we formed a group, a forum and we just bonded,

you know? There were many bullied as kids who felt that this gave them their

five seconds of fame, many who did this as their protest against the different

constructs that society has, many who did it for appearing cool in front of

their love interests – just so many reasons. So many reasons which drove people

to try news-raiding but it was the thrill, the high, the rush that convinced

them to stay. This community has since grown and flourished and today is its

first convention. A two day event attended by 700 members, which for the first

convention is such an achievement, especially for an artform that is practiced

by just a few.. As one of the pioneering members ---”

“ADIIII” Oh, as usual, Riz,

spoiling my monologue. Shouting like he thinks I am deaf..

“Why are you screaming at

me?! I am sitting right next you? I AM NOT DEAF”

“Well, if you weren’t deaf,

you would know I have been calling you for the past two minutes. What on earth

are you doing? Dreaming up your fake Ellen interview?”

Well, it was Oprah, but he

needn’t know. Quick, let’s distract him. 

“Have we reached yet?”

“Yes, your highness. And you

would have known that if you weren’t practicing your Oscar speech”

Ugh. It was the Oprah

interview. 

Anyway, this was it. We had

reached News-raiders 2018 Convention. There’s nothing in life I am prouder of

than this. This was my baby, my dream project, my secret project, my

everything. I could sing sonnets about this day and this place. After my tweet

blew up and we formed a small community, we figured we should meet sometime. We

made so many plans which never worked and finally, FINALLY, this year, we were

doing this. This was planned for months and now, the whole convention is

beautiful, if I say so myself. There were photobooths resembling different

channels with their reporters. Memorable news-raiding experiences were stuck on

the photo wall. There was all sorts of sessions, from discussions how to know

where to go to improve your chances of finding a news reporter to what to wear

to look the best on TV (Stripes were a bad option). And of course, the outlets,

fashionable accessories to have, tools that could give you an advantage, cool

clothes, famous news-bombers costumes – in fact, there are quite a few replicas

of my costumes. Actually, I was dressed in an outfit which was similar to the first

time I came on TV, because you know, that’s just so special. In fact, most of

the people attending the convention are either wearing outfits similar to their

first or their most memorable experience. 

As I entered the hall, I

could see quite a few familiar faces and so many people came up to me to talk.

There was Ryan, Martha, Paul, Chris, just so many people that I lost track of

who all I had met and talked to. Riz, who is not a news-raider himself, seemed

a little lost and overwhelmed at the attention I was receiving and moved to the

sidelines. I did want to pull him along because he was here just for me but

then, everyone seemed to want to talk to me and I just went along after sending

him a text and ensuring he was okay (I am not a demon, okay?). And you know how

you have this feeling like your chest could burst because you are so happy,

because all you have been dreaming for is here?! That’s how it was for me. I

was in heaven. I was happy. I was over the moon. I was in bliss. I was all of

that and more.  That’s when I heard she had come. And my mind which

had been like a balloon blissfully floating about burst. 

Who is she, you ask? Artemis.

Now don’t let her name fool you with that exotic Greek-ishness. She is an evil,

puppy-kicking, heartless animal. I mean, not exactly, but I am sure she is.

Trust me on this. You know Veruca from Charlie’s chocolate factory, she is her

- here by virtue not of her skill but of her father’s money. Now, to someone

who has no idea of the time and planning that goes into news-raiding, you might

wonder how money can help, but I am sure you all know money can get you

everywhere. To a news-raider, knowing where and when to be to get news coverage

is a mystery. Being well-aware of the issues that hound the society, being the

first to report in cases of any emergency because it may or may not receive

news coverage, studying patterns of when and where the late shows do their live

news shows, there’s a lot that goes into that 5-10 minutes on the news show.

And more importantly, you have to have a story, a reason, a statement you are

making, against body-shaming, patriarchy, bullying, racism, LGBTQ prejudice,

Muslim prejudice, anything! Even a simple

my-girlfriend-broke-up-with-me-because-she-thought-I-wasn’t-cool-so-I-wanted-my-five-seconds-of-fame,

which is not my story, no matter how much Riz claims it is….. Okay, it was. But

it is NOT anymore, okay? I was young and immature. Now, I am older and wiser

and try to make socially important statements. But no, genuinely, even that is

better, having a story rather than just being on it because she wanted to show

her new clothes and because daddy dearest owns his own media agency and can

find out when and where live reporting is happening. I heard he even calls and

finds out when and where other media agencies have their live shows. I heard he

does car commercials .. in Japan. Ha, sorry no. Couldn’t resist. But no, she is

the devil-incarnate herself. And because, daddy dearest finds where the latest

shows are and jets her there all dolled-up, she has managed to equalize my

record for most screen-time, though I am still leading on the most appearances

front. NO, that is not why I dislike her, I swear. Everyone hates her! Her dad

genuinely fixes everything for her. I may be dramatic but I could call her

Lucifer’s minion and I wouldn’t be lying. Looking at the leader board, which

keeps record of the most appearances and the most screen-time, it kills me.

After years of hard work, all of us try and get there and she waltzes in like

she owns the place and she probably does, in fact. 

That’s when I hear Martha

from beside me saying, “Ugh! Princess is here.” I knew Martha was an angel. Of

course, Artemis, no, her name is too nice. I shall henceforth refer to her as

Veruca; it’s more fitting. Veruca is also a part of the panel on one of the

most-awaited sessions along with me as we two have had the longest screen

presence. Ugh, I don’t want to have to talk to her. And oh, right on time is

the message from my best friend, my brother from another mother, my

partner-in-crime, Riz, saying “Heyyyy, look’s like the love of your life is

here.” Did I mention I hate him?

Veruca and I make small talk

and I mentally curse her with everything I know. She claims to be a big fan but

I know it’s just flattery. Oh wait, there’s the slight. Apparently, she is such

a fan and inspiration since I have been doing it for so long and she is just a

“beginner” and that sharing the top-score with me is such an honor. What

rubbish! Ughhh! She makes my skin crawl. But oh wait, they are talking about me

at the main hall. Let’s tune in. 

“Let us thank our favorite,

the pioneer, the one who brought us all together and who organized this

event  -Aditya Sharma.”

Aww! Being the MVP has its

perks. I swear the applause is so loud. I feel touched. Oh and they are saying

more about me!

“Aditya is also the one who

has made most appearances on the news and is also tied with Artemis Gia for the

most screen time. And today, we are so lucky to have both of them here!”

Oh, great, they are praising

her as well. Well, having a rich dad has its perks too, I guess. I give Veruca

my fakest smile and walk along with her to the stage. That’s when my phone

starts vibrating. Oh probably Riz, taking pictures of the two of us and sending

it to me to torture me, I think as I silence it. But no, wait, the vibration is

not ending. It’s a call. Who is calling me now? No one calls me otherwise! Oh,

the speaker is looking at me. I smile and nod. And wait, phone still ringing.

Who can it be? If I sneak a look, they won’t notice, right?

Oops. 13 missed calls and 99

messages. What?!

Surely I can sneakily read

the notifications. 

Ok, so out of the 13 missed

calls, 6 are from Alex and 7 from Riz. Alex is my other best friend, actually,

ex-best friend, a traitor who abandoned me and didn’t attend the convention

because apparently his basketball match is more important!!

 Calling back would

definitely mean people would notice, right? So let’s just read the messages

maybe. 

97 “Call back ASAP” and

variations of the same from Riz.

Wow. Clearly makes everything

easier. Couldn’t he tell what was the emergency as well!? Can’t he see that I

am sitting here with people staring at my face!?

Oh, there’s a text in the

group.

“Addddi!”

“ There’s people setting up

for a live news broadcast at the Central Park near the place we go for

barbeque. Apparently some issue turned up. If you appear in one more thingy,

you win the record against your she-devil, don’t you?”

Oh my GOD! Did I mention how

much of a loyal, lovable darling my Alex is? 

Oh wait, how do I leave

without making everyone realizing what is happening? 

But I can’t lie! They will

know it later! I don’t want to be that guy.

“Can you please welcome our

dearest Aditya to address us as we all know there could be no one better – the

Magic Man himself?”

Wait, what? Now!? Of all the

times, now!? Why, oh why God are you hell-bent on not letting me win over the

She-devil!?

I walk toward the podium

wondering how to escape and Veruca flashes me her sickly smile and that’s when

it strikes me – be the better man. I take to the podium, wait for the applause

to die and say, “ I am honored you all choose me for this. Maybe, I did win all

those awards but we know, I had the advantage of time.” 

Everyone applauds me for my

generosity but I am not done.

“In fact, I believe Ver-I

mean, Artemis who has accomplished such a great feat of having the maximum

screen time in such a short time, she is the one who should be here.”

I can see the shock on her

face. Honestly, I hate myself but who cares, I am going to have the last laugh

anyway. Everyone else is not so happy with my proclamation. I can hear murmurs

of scorn because who likes her!?

But this is it, my moment of

escape. I slip out of the stage and slowly move through the crowds

inconspicuously to where I know Riz is waiting and we run. We run like there’s

a tiger hot on our tails to our car. Right at the entrance of the convention

center, however, is a panting Martha.

“STOP!”

What!? I thought Martha was

the angel. What is she doing?

“I don’t trust you. You don’t

like Artemis. You called her your arch-nemesis. Why would you do that?”

“Oh that!..... I thought I

could be nice, I guess”

“You are never nice for no

reason, Adi. What’s the reason? What’s the rush?”

I can’t help it. Martha is

clever and any lies I make are only going to delay me further so I tell her the

truth. Oh God, would she want to news-bomb now as well?!

“My friend saw the reporters

getting ready for a live show from the park. I want to make the record,

pleeease!”

I can see her fighting with

herself in her eyes. She likes me and hates Veruca but she also loves

news-bombing. 

Obviously, hatred for Veruca

wins; I am telling you Veruca is evil. And so, we continue to the car and then,

it’s road rash and NFS and every other car-racing game. Except we follow the

rules. We can’t afford a fine.

My phone rings. The millionth

call of the day. Seems like someone is famous today. Hmm, unknown number.

“Hallo”

“Why would you give all the

credit to me? You are plotting something, I know!”

Oh, Veruca.

“No hi or hello. No manners,

I see.”

“Is that traffic? Where are

you going?”

Oh no. I cut the call. I do

not want her to know. Please let her not understand. Please let her not

understand. 

Beep. Oh message. 

Unknown number. Oh, Veruca. I

am too terrified to read.

‘NEWS-BOMBING I see. I saw

your lame slow car when I came. Guessing you will reach after everything is

done. I’ll tell you how it was’

“WHAAAAAT?! How did she

know?”

“Who know what, Adi?”

“She-devil just texted me.

Quote unquote NEWS-BOMBING I see. I saw your lame, slow car when I came.

Guessing you will reach after everything is done. I’ll tell you how it

was. 

How did she know?!”

“LAME, SLOW CAR?! How dare

she?!”

“Focus, Riz. How did she

know? Only we knew”

“And Martha…”

Oh no, to think I liked her!

Since we started out earlier,

you would assume that we needn’t worry, that we would anyway get there first

but the thing is when I said Road-rash and NFS, I may or may not have

exaggerated a little. You see, the thing is our car is slightly old and rusty

and breaks down every two days but it’s Riz’s baby so …

Oh God, I am going to lose,

right?

 “Riz, speed up, can

you? When will we reach?”

“You know we cannot go

faster. In 5 minutes. We are there, we are there, relax”

Okay, maybe I would get

there. Wait, why are the cars honking? Why aren’t we moving?

“Riz, what are you doing? I

asked you to speed up not STOP”

“Uhmmm, the car is not

starting.”

“What?! Oh my God! Oh my

God.”

“Stop hyperventilating. Run.

You will get there in 10 minutes.”

“YA, AFTER VERUCA”, I say as

I slam the car door and run. I can hear Riz wondering who Veruca is out loud

and I realize they do not know the new nickname I found for her, but it’s too

late anyway. 

Phone rings again. It’s Alex

this time.

“Riz texted me. It’s okay.

You can get here in time. It’s not started and she is not here.”

“But she would be in one of

those taxis, which work well, which can speed. She will reach there before me.”

I can feel myself spiraling.

All that I have been hoping for, everything is lost because of one broken-down

car. My eyes even start tearing up though I will deny it if you ask me anytime

later and I run, run like never before and I reach. The news-reporting is live

and I am the only one there?! What?! How! 

I quickly rush to stand on

the backdrop. I can feel my heart beating so fast I am sure that it will burst

out of my chest. God, how did Veruca not manage to make it here despite having

so much time?! There were so many taxis waiting outside the convention center.

How did I manage to get here first?! 

Then it hits me. I have done

it!! I have created a record in both screen time and appearances. YESSSS!

The news reporting gets over

and I walk over slowly as if in a dream, towards Riz and Alex. I did it! But

how? 

And that’s when they fill me

in. Soon after we left, Veruca got a phone call from her dad and Martha

realized what was happening. She told everyone what was happening and since

team we-hate-Veruca is strong, they rushed to prevent her, all of them rushing as

eager fans for photographs and advice. Nothing worked. She brushed past all of

them. 

And that’s when Mary, sweet,

sweet Mary, came up with a plan. And all the news-raiders quickly got into a

taxi each and fled the scene, leaving no taxi for daddy’s princess. Oh my GOD!

With that, all of us piled

into Riz’s baby and went to the center. What a day it has been. 

And now, time for revising

the rankboard!

This time, just me. Alone on

rank 1. Like I deserved all along.

But hmm, maybe, I wouldn’t

mind sharing it with these people. My news-raider fam.