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Funny Happy

I was looking at the clock and getting a little frustrated. I contacted the ride share service yesterday to secure my ride to the airport at a specific time. Here we are 15 minutes late with no ride.

Finally my patience wore thin and I sent a text to my driver inquiring if they were on the way, hoping he was just stuck in traffic.

I didn't so much get a response as the ride was suddenly canceled without explanation. This would be the moment I nearly lost my mind and panic set in. Normally I am slow to panic but if it has to do with something like a missed plane, all bets are off.

I forced myself to calm down and take a breath. Think Phil, think. I realized my only option at this point was to go outside and try to hail a cab at the last minute. Swearing under my breath I grabbed the handle of my suitcase and started pulling it across my apartment. Of course as soon as I moved from carpet to tile my suitcase fell to the side. I could feel my blood pressure rising and my face felt hot. I let out a yell, set it up right and kept moving. 

I knew deep down that my response was unnecessary and over the top, but I also acknowledged that my temper and OCD tendencies were being tested in a big way.

As I banged my way out into the hallway I noticed one of my neighbors. I had to fight the urge to turn around and walk right back into my apartment.

His name is Rick and he IS a nice guy. He also tends to be high as a kite on weed, but at least he's nice about it. Most of my interactions with him have been when he comes to my door looking for a bag of microwave popcorn. 

"Heyyyy Phil buddy how are you?" He asked, drawing out his words that only a person 3 sheets to the wind could manage. I sighed and turned toward him.

I'm often a bit taken aback by his appearance. A brown wool sweater, stained jeans with holes that didn't appear made by the manufacturer, and a man bun pretty much sums up his general look. His scraggly beard widened with his smile as he waited for my answer.

"Well Rick I am trying to get to the airport and my ride share was canceled at the last minute. Now I'm really getting behind schedule. Considering how long it can take to get through security I'm worried I will miss my flight.”

As Rick's grin grew even bigger my heart sunk.

"Hey man don't sweat it, I've got you! I was going out anyway, I can drop you off!"

"Oh…oh no, please don't put yourself out. I can get a cab no problem. Really."

"I could never let you do that!"

Of course you couldn't. 

After a bit more back and forth I found myself sliding my luggage in the back seat of his very beat up early 2000-something Toyota. I tried not to do the math to figure out exactly how old this car was as I clambered into the front seat.

I was immediately taken over by a distinct odor that I recognized from my own early 2000-something days, and pondered the chances of getting a contact high from sitting in the car. 

As I sat down I pushed drink cups and wrappers out of my way with my feet. When I felt the floor of the car I stopped and noticed that the garbage was so deep it covered my feet.

Rick started up the car and I noticed the engine let out a squeal of protest and then had a very loud sputtering sound. 

And we were off. Rick seemed oblivious to the squealing and sputtering sound coming from under the hood. 

"So where are you flying off to?"

"Well I'm flying to L.A. for work. We are having an academic conference for scientists and researchers to present their findings."

Rick side-eyed me like he wasn't sure what I was talking about, or he thought I was lame. 

"Well that is awesome dude. Sounds interesting." 

And lame for the win.

Rick was singing along to the radio, a heavy metal song that I vaguely remembered but hadn’t heard in years. Buildings and skyscrapers moved by fast, but as far as I was concerned, not fast enough. 

Suddenly Rick let out a yell.

“Oh man, look at him! I can’t believe it!” My window lowered as Rick slowed down. 

“Teddy my man! How the hell are you?”

A dark haired man wandered idly over to the window and stuck his head in the car. 

“Well hey Rick”, came a slow drawl that sounded almost southern. “Where are you going?”  

“I’m taking my friend here to the airport”

“Oh great man! Could you drop me off on the way? I need to get to Percy’s” referring to the Bodega about 4 blocks from where we were. 

I started to shake my head waiting for Rick to explain that he didn’t have time to make any stops along the way.

“Hey of course Man hop on in!  No reason we can’t make a quick pit stop!”

“Wait, what?” I replied.  “I have to get to the airport at least an hour and a half before take off.

“Ah don’t you worry Phil, I’ll get you there my man.”

I looked on in disbelief as Teddy climbed into the back seat of the car. I literally could feel my blood pressure rising and my face had to be turning red. I looked over at Rick who was pulling out into the street, singing along with the radio totally oblivious to my anger. 

As we neared the Bodega I almost cheered. Finally we can dump the Southern fried potato in the back and get to the airport.

As we pulled up to the curb Teddy started out of the car. Every time he got his leg out of the car Rick would say something else and Teddy would sit back and talk to him even more.

I considered getting out of the car and dragging my luggage as I literally ran to the Airport. 

Finally Teddy got out of the car and we were off again.  Traffic seemed to be picking up which made the whole ordeal of this ride take longer than it felt like it should. 

Rick sang along with the radio and bounced around in the driver’s seat as I sat hunched over trying not to think of what was covering my feet. The car in front of us suddenly slowed down and was moving toward the curb. The car hugged the curb as it turned the corner and we could see that the front tire was flat.  

“Oh that really sucks. I hope they can have someone to call.”  I said.

“You’re right man, we need to stop to make sure she’s ok.”

“Wait Rick, no. Hang on, I'm sure she will be fine. “

Too late, we were already turning the corner and pulling up in front of the red Chevy with a very flat front tire. 

“Hello there ma’am can we help you?” asked Rick. 

The woman was in her mid-20’s with short blonde hair and looked thoroughly frustrated.  I stood next to Rick feeling equally frustrated by the additional pit stop.

“Oh my God, thank you so much. I don’t even know what I ran over.”

“Around here it’s hard to say.  Do you have a spare?”

“Yes I do! My name is Stacy by the way, and thank you again. Let me get this tire out for you.”

As we moved to the trunk of the car I noticed a small child in the back seat and realized there is no way we could turn back now. ‘

Rick and Stacy stood at the back of the car chatting and I realized if I want to get out of here anytime soon and catch my plane I was going to have to change this tire myself. I grabbed the spare and a jack and shot the two of them with a smile that was laced with stress and sarcasm. I could overhear them talking as Stacy explained she was on her way to drop her little girl off at daycare and get to work.  

“If I don’t get her there soon they will tell me it’s too late to drop her off. I hate being late like this!”

You don’t say.  

Like Rick I also noticed that there was no wedding band and that this red car had likely seen better days. My anger and frustration started to subside, but only a little. I still couldn’t believe I was changing a tire while running late to catch a plane of all things. 

I noticed a new tone that Rick’s voice had taken and realized he was taking this opportunity to flirt with Stacy. This attempt was very one-sided as Stacy did not appear at all interested in Rick.

“Well someone as beautiful as you are you must have someone around that can help you get your car fixed.”

I heard the uncomfortable giggle in response as I tightened the last lug nut. I lowered the car, and as I put the jack in the trunk I made it a point to step between them and said to Rick “She’s all set, let’s go. I’m going to miss my plane.”

Rick lagged a few trying one last time to impress Stacy. She shook his hand, thanked us both profusely and was on her way.

We climbed back in Rick’s car, more garbage falling out of the front seat of the car.

I shook my head let it all fall into the street. I realized by looking at my watch that I only had roughly 20 minutes to get to the Airport if I wanted to get through security with enough time to make it to my plane. 

I could feel my blood pressure rising as we headed out into the street. 

Rick’s car was making that sound again. The sputtering, sometimes squealing was coming under the hood.

“Should we be worried about that noise?”

“Nah man it’s fine. It makes it all the time and we’re still going” he said with enthusiasm.  

At that exact moment the sputtering got louder. Then it got slower.  The dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree and we came to a slow stop right in the middle of the road.

I stared at the car in disbelief not sure exactly what to do next. I could feel the panic rising, knowing that I had reached the end of the road, literally.

“Hey Man don’t worry I got this. I can fix this and get us right back on the road. I bet my fuel filter is just clogged.”

“Rick that doesn’t sound like something you can fix right here in the middle of the road. And I cannot miss my plane.”

“Phil what are you going to do?” he asked as I went around to the back seat of the car.

I pulled my luggage out of the back seat with a bang and yanked the handle up. 

“Rick I appreciate your help today. Really. I know that you had the best of intentions.”

I shook his hand and hit the sidewalk in a full run. I could see the enterance to the Airport looming as I ran. My breath was fast and my lungs started to burn but I just kept running. As I went through the front doors of the Airport I nearly cheered. I couldn’t believe I made it there. I didn’t have a full suitcase to check so I just kept running with my carry on. Finally the signs for security lead me straight to the long winding line for the security check point. My heart continued to sink as I got in line. 

I kept one eye on the the minute hand on my watch, getting more worried as the hand ticked by.  I noticed the line moving pretty quickly and soon it was my turn to put my stuff in the container, take off my shoes and thankfully I remembered my belt before it was too late.

I could hear my flight being called to board and forced myself  to take a deep breath. Panicking would only make it worse. 

I could literally feel the vomit in my mouth.

I was scanned and redressed. I could hear the final boarding call for my flight. I was in a dead run as I neared my gate. 

“Wait, I’m coming! Don’t shut the door yet.”

The woman at the counter smiled and told me I would just make it.  I scanned my ticket and just kept running until I reached the door. I stepped on the plane and let out my breath as I felt the door shut behind me. 

“Welcome aboard Flight 2272 to Los Angeles” 

April 15, 2023 00:27

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