I was getting into my red dress with roses ,well my mom did my hair. It was my first spring dance and I was super excited. I had been waiting for this dance all year. If only Gail Novak had asked me there. He was the most popular boy in school and all the cool girls hung out with him. And I was definitely not a cool girl. So I had to go with my brother David. And he was not the person I wanted to go with. My friends Lilah, Bailey and Ash all had boys as dates from Gail’s squad. I wish I was like them, pretty and smart. Well that was not how I was at all. “David,” I yelled “ Time to go.”
“Fine,” he said back.
Ughh classic David I think. Well this night is going to go great. Oh ya since Dalas, Mark and Leo ( from Gail’s squad) asked Lilah, Bailey and Ash out they have all been dreamy and well stay by their side. Well back to the real story.
“Come on David,” I yell angry at him because we are going to be late.
“I'm coming,” he yells.
As I'm getting into the car I see Gail picking up Demi Annesley ( Gail’s girlfriend) at her house. I wish I was Demi I think. Well that is never going to happen.
When we get there I run inside and try to hide from David but he finds me because I’m super bad at hiding.
When we walk in I try to act casual because I don't want people to know I’m going with my brother. I see Lilah, Bailey and Ash over by Dalas, Mark and Leo. I rush over there and say hi. And that's when I see him. I’m standing face to face with Gail Novak.
OMG I almost faint.
“ Gail this is Fawn, Fawn this is Gail,” says Bailey.
“Um...hi,” I say.
“Hi,” he says in a cheerful way.
“ Who are you with,” I ask him even though I already know.
“ I’m here with Demi Annesley, what about you? ” he says again.
“ I’m here with him,” I say as I point to David as he is running here.
“ Well that’s sad, want to hang out with us?” he says.
Did I just hear that correct. “ You wanted me to hangout with you,” I say.
“ Ya,” he says back.
“ Um..ok,” I say as David reaches us.
“ Come on Fawn,” he says.
Then Gail walks up to David “ No she’s hanging out with us.”
“ Ok fine,” he says and walks away.
Then Lilah walks up to me and whispers into my ear “ I think Gail wants you in the squad.”
“He couldn't, he wants Demi in the squad,” I say.
“Well once I think he said to Dalas that he was going to kick her out,” she said.
“What!” I say.
“ Ya it was crazy,” said Lilah.
“Wow,” I say.
“Ok, well let’s catch up to the squad,” says Lilah.
As we are catching up I ask Lilah “ You really think Gail wants me in the squad.”
“Yes I really do,” she says.
“Ok this time I trust you,” I say.
After we found them, all I did was talk to Gail. I think that Lilah wanted to have a girl talk but I would not go with her. Omg I think she got really mad. I think Demi got mad at Gail too. Well because I was talking to him not her. And that’s when Demi stormed up to him and yelled at him like crazy. And that’s when Gail said “ You are not in the squad.”
Omg I thought Demi was going to faint but she didn’t. “What did you just say to me,” she said.
“ I said you're not in the squad,” says Gail.
“ Really,” she says as she fake cries “ I thought you wanted me in the squad.”
“ I did but when I started talking to other girls you started to yell at me because you thought that I was going to replace you ,” he says.
“ Well i’ll go find another person to hang out with,” she says.
“ Sorry Fawn it’s just that Demi is very annoying,” he says.
“It’s ok I just want to see who she brings back,” I say.
We both laugh. And then I see who Demi brought back. It’s David. Omg I almost scream. David! Why would he be with Demi Annesley? “ David!” I yell.
“What!” he yells back.
“ Why are you with Demi Annesley?” I ask.
“ Um……...Because,” he says.
“I hate you!!” I yell.
I ran out of the gym where the dance was. OMG!!!!! Why would David be with Demi? I used to think he hated girls but this, no he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. No, I'm just imagining this. I pinch myself and think I am in my bed having a dream and when I open my eyes I will be in my bed. And when I open my eyes I’m still in the hallway of Meadows High. Ughh why!
Well as I go back in I see Demi talking to David and I try to scream but I manage to keep it in. I walk over to the squad and immediately Gail walks over to me and asks if I want to be in the squad because Demi is gone. “YESSSSS!” I say.
“Want to dance?” he says.
“Ok” I say in his cheerful way.
As we dance my favorite song comes on and I start to dance. “What are you doing?” he says.
“I’m dancing,” I say.
We both laugh. And I keep dancing. We both laugh again. I look over at David. He looked like he was having fun with Demi, so decided to leave them alone. Well it looked like I had a good time. It was probably the last time I would have to go with my brother to the spring dance. Yay well now I have some friends to hangout with except dreamy Lilah, Bailey and Ash. Just then the D.J. says the dance is over. “Well see you at school on Monday,” I say.
“ Ok,” he says back.
As I get in the car I think that was a very great day. I hope that will happen next year.
THE END
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3 comments
Aubrey, the critique circle led me to your first story and I decided to read this one as well. It is a fine story. You attribute age-appropriate thoughts to the main character. It's easy to see her teen age as she handles the dilemma. In your first sentence you write well where I think you meant to write 'while'. The overuse of Omg, even though age-appropriate for our narrator may wear out the reader. Perhaps you could substitute it for another word. You also use a lot of transition words; when, as, just and keep repeating them. I would...
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Thank u Maybe when I write my next story you will critique it for me it really helps me
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I definitely will be glad to. I'll keep checking for your stories :)
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