The Red Sweater

“Are you a girl, Shaheed? Answer me.”

“No, Dad.”

“Then why the hell are you wearing a girl's sweater, huh?”

“Clothes don't have genders.”

“Hmm alright, smart ass. Where did you get that sweater?”

“From the women's-”

“I rest my case. Take that off before I tear it off your back.”

“Dad, some of my coworkers wear clothes like this. It's normal.”

“Do any of them live here?”

“No.”

“Exactly and there ain't nothing normal about wearing women's clothes. Now, give me your sweater, and I won't repeat it.”

“Here.” 

“Good. Better not catch you dressing like those gay ass coworkers of yours. You understand me?”

“Yeah, Dad.”

“Alright. Gonna toss this in the trash or donate it to a thrift store or something.”

“Hey, Kaila.”

“Hey, Shaheed. You sound like somebody ran over your dreams.”

“My dad snatched my red sweater.”

“The one I bought you for your birthday? Ooh, I'm ready to beat that man’s ass. Snatching my best friend's clothes like that.”

“He said he better not catch me dressing like one of my gay ass coworkers.”

“Oh hell no. If I see him, it's on sight. Want me to come through and scoop you up?”

“You read my mind.”

“See you in five, bestie.” 

“Sure enough, best friend.”

“Dad, I'm going to hang out with Kaila.”

“Long as y'all won't be out getting manicures or nothing like that, you're good.”

“I'll see you later.”

“Yeah alright.”

“Your daddy is lucky I got my nails done yesterday or I would smack him into next Wednesday, for real.”

“Oh, they look cute.”

“Don't they? Painted the roses and everything else myself.” 

“I see you, Basquiat. Where are we headed?”

“January’s. I'm trying to unwind after that Calculus final.”

“You know you're not supposed to drink and drive.”

“Ain’t no crime against a little sip-sip.” 

“There is while you drive.”

“Alright, Safety Sadie. You can drive and then explain to your dad why my car is in a retention pond and the two of us are soaking wet.”

“Don't drink too much.”

“That’s right, my mom IS at work right now.”

“Okay, smart ass but if a cop catches you swerving, we're in trouble.”

“If a cop catches me swerving, he won't catch up to me. Believe that.”

“We're here.”

“I know. Shaheed, maybe you need a drink too.”

“And get in trouble with my dad?”

“All his uptight prima donna BS? You inhaled that, you absorbed that, and you need to exhale everything.” 

“I'm not uptight.”

“Unclench your fists then, Fight Club.”

“Alright.”

“Unclench your jaw.”

“My jaw isn't clenched.”

“Boy, unclench your jaw.”

“Okay okay.”

“Inhale with me.”

“I swear I'm not-”

“Shut up and inhale, Shaheed. Deep breath in and a deep breath out.”

“What next?”

“We stroll into January's and drink to our health. Feel better?”

“A little bit, yeah.”

“Shaheed, Kaila, right at 11 like always.”

“The usual, January. You know my taste.”

“You drove here, Kaila. You can't slam back mint mojitos like they're glasses of orange juice.”

“I'm a careful motorist. I know my limits for the road.”

“Make sure those limits don't include crashing into a tree. What's eating you, Shaheed?”

“My dad confiscated a red sweater Kaila bought me for my birthday the other day. Said he didn't want to see me wear it ever again.” 

“Grey hair, about your height, walks around like he has a stick up his ass, obsessed with cardigans?”

“Do you have cameras set up in my house, January?”

“Nope, he's a regular. Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that.”

“Kaila, you knew he came here and didn't bother to tell me?”

“I rolled up here on one of my off days and watched him wallow in a cranberry vodka.” 

“I didn't know he drank.”

“Honey, there's a lot you don't know about your father.”

“Try me.”

“That's not for me to share. That's for you to communicate with him and find out.”

“Closed up as he is? I'd get water from brick before he spills his heart about something personal.”

“Have you asked him?”

“Not you saying this, Kaila. Not Ms. I would beat his ass if I didn't do my nails saying this.”

“That was before this conversation came up.”

“Shaheed, you are not your father. You gotta be open-minded, love.” 

“Yeah, Shaheed. What January said. Don't hold anything against him. He's from another era.”

“If Kaila from several minutes ago expressed this, we wouldn't be here now.” 

“Kaila from several minutes ago was thinking with her stomach and her stomach wanted some mint mojitos.” 

“Kaila is only getting one.”

“Damn, January. You can't hook me up with another?” 

“Did you forget you're driving?” 

“I tell you. They didn't know what on Earth was going on because-”

“Dad?”

“Let me call you back. Shaheed, funny running into you at January's.”

“And funny that you're wearing my sweater.” 

“I think the two of you have plenty to discuss.” 

“Text me when you get home, Shaheed. Don't miss any details.”

“Alright, Kaila.”

“Kaila.”

“Mr. Raymond.” 

“Nice nails.”

“Thanks. Painted them myself. Nice sweater.”

“Y'all better go on now and no, you cannot have another mint mojito, Kaila. Not on my watch.”

“January, please.” 

“No, ma'am.” 

“Didn't know you and Kaila frequented January's.”

“What the hell, Dad. You snatch my sweater from me to wear it yourself? What's the truth?”

“I don't know how to tell you.”

“To tell me what? That you hate who I am? I've got news for you, Dad. I-”

“-am queer? I had a feeling.” 

“And I have this strange feeling that you are too.”

“Your mother freaked when she found out. Said the only place a gay man had was in the closet.”

“That's very 1912 of her.”

“You can imagine how much worse it was for her to say she'd stab me if she discovered me with a man.”

“She’s a maniac. What the heck? How did you two stay together for 20 years?”

“Mountains and mountains of lies and suppression because she DID discover me with a man.”

“And she stabbed you?”

“Drove a metal fork into the back of my hand and threatened to call the cops. I wish I didn't cheat but how was she gonna take the truth first?”

“Then this is way bigger than the red sweater.”

“Don’t invalidate your situation. I was mortified by the thought of you being ridiculed by family but that doesn't excuse what I said. It's not the sweater, it's the principle of the matter.”

“When did you know?”

“When your mother and I had sex for the first time giving birth to you. It didn't feel right but I didn't have the heart to tell her.” 

“Then you went behind her back and found somebody.”

“I assumed she'd be pissed if I was honest and I was right. Turns out the way she felt about me coming out was the way she felt about your aunt supporting me.” 

“Good thing we didn't meet.”

“Oh yeah. She would disown you quicker than you could blink. When you say queer, how do you identify?”

“I don't wanna label it. I prefer to embrace who I am without a need to put a name on it. Not that there's anything wrong with that.”

“Of course not.”

“When am I gonna meet this mystery man of yours, Dad?” 

“He's coming by tomorrow for a football game. You'll get to experience the man without all the mystery. How about you?”

“How about I what? Tell you I want my sweater back?”

“Alright, I'll take it off when we're home.”

“Thank goodness. You're stretching it out.”

“Get over yourself, Shaheed. We're the same height.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no there isn't anyone but if there is, you would know, unlike you secret agent man.”

“I have got to be the biggest hypocrite.” 

“He likes football? What else does he like?”

“Weightlifting, boxing, any kind of sports. But you didn’t tell me how you knew you were queer, Shaheed.” 

“I always knew. Didn’t have a name to give it but I didn’t need one. What I wear, what I do, what I feel; it’s who I am and I’m Shaheed. That’s my take.”

“Shaheed, you coming or what? The day is young and we ain’t getting any younger.”

“You better go with Kaila.”

“And you better take off my damn sweater.”

“Alright, alright. I love you, Shaheed.”

“I love you too, Dad.”