Penelope's Grief

Starring at the bathroom window,  Penelope thought of all the events that happened the previous year as a result of the COVID 19 pandemic. 

Missing out from the service year once again after graduating from the University 2years ago,  to being a struggling entrepreneur trying to build a business online and failing, to losing a parent during the pandemic, hot tears begin to rush down her cheeks.  

If things could have been different,  none of this would have happened.  She thought. The death of her dad was still like a big shock to her and the family was just reviving from that ordeal.  For more than a month she of lost.  This was the man she wanted to see happy despite all the bad things that have happened to him. As a government worker,  her dad was yet to be paid his salary due to the fact that they were no longer going to work and as such no payments.  Huge debt was locking around the corner and she couldn't do anything about it as all attempts failed.  Eventually her dad died and she felt somewhat responsible. She thought if she could have been able to contribute a little to the upkeep of the family, there won't be no death. 

Going through that grief,  Penelope shut herself out of the world. She wanted space from all the happenings around.  She gave up on all the things she had dreamt of doing. She lost interest in trying to build and have the good life,  she lost interest in trying to even live. But then she made sure not to get too consumed with her feelings that she forgets her family and their pains.  

Somehow, she managed to hide them by encouraging her mom and siblings to cheer up.  She wanted to believe everything was going to be fine but it wasn't going to be easy. 

As the post pandemic era come into play swiftly,  with businesses opening up and activities coming back alive,  Penelope thought to adjust her mind to her new reality.  The reality of not having a father around.  The reality of coming home everyday to see just one parent and not two.  Somehow she thought about those who have lost one or both parents and any other loved ones.  She wondered if they felt the kind of pain she is feeling right now.  "How did they adjust?" she thought. 

In the beginning of the new year,  Penelope made up her mind to go back to her business.  With the changing reality,  she still found it difficult to adjust and as such she began to avoid people.  She wanted to bury herself into what really gave her joy and that was her business. The business of knowledge. This was her focus but still not wasn't improving. 

She decided to just stay quiet about everything happening.  "Life is crazy" she said. She knew she couldn't continue like this and she had to sit up,  if not for herself but for her  mom and siblings. 

Adjusting to the new reality brought by the pandemic would have been easy if dad didn't die and if she wasn't still struggling she said to her best friend Michael. 

Michael was the type of friend anymore would need in their life in any given situation because he always had the right words for her anytime, anyway.  Releasing all of her bitterness, pain and disappointment to him,  he listened quietly, letting her dump out her heart. She talked about how lonely she felt,  how she didn't feel like being around people anymore,  how calls of condolence from some people felt like they were mocking her,  how she lost friends from the past few weeks. "I am just tired" she yelled!

"Are you done?" Michael asked her quietly. 

Well Emm.. "I think so" she replied. 

"Well Penelope, all things happen for your good" Micheal said. 

"hug? " how is this for my good? " that I lost my dad,  or that I am still struggling while everyone is doing pretty well" "tell me Michael,  how is it for my good? "

"Penelope,  we go through pain to grow " Michael said. "you don't remain in a particular spot for too long,  you grow out of it and right now you have to grow out of your grief because a time will come and you will be grateful for all the experiences. So cheer up" Michael said. 

Wait,  what? Is this dude OK? She thought. But truly he was telling the truth,  being sincere.  He wasn't someone who would sympathize with you but help you grow out of sympathy. "

That was the first state of adjustment.  Penelope began to gradually see things differently.  She did her business despite it wasn't yielding results yet but she didn't want to wallow in pain and sadness anymore.

Penelope took the bold step of moving on. She realized that staying in that spot made her heart tighter and uneasy to breathe. She has to move on. Yes,  she would miss him,  yes, his presence is still very much around like when she is taking a walk and she see the same car like his, or when she watch the TV and remembers his movies and how he continuously watch a particular movie and never got tired about it,  or when a child call out to the father and she hears,  it always bring tears to her eyes. When she wakes up every morning and there is no one to greet "good morning sir" or in the evening when she comes home from church,  when she serves him dinner even with her tired body and drowsy eyes.  She would miss all these things and many more. 

It was time to build the life she would have built if he was round. The kind if life she has always wanted. The kind she want for her family. With all the excitement coupled with fear and uncertainty Penelope grew confidence once again and she began to gradually look forward to the new year,  post-covid. Once again,  she began to write,  making plan on how to reach many people with her work,  she went back to her drawing board and decided to set new goals for the new year. 

"The covid era came with its own problems and this is not the time to let those problems weigh her down. No matter how difficult it gets,  I will never back down" she affirmed! 

Penelope moved on just fine. The road became rough and tougher. Once in a while his thoughts come in her head but it is adjusting already.  With her new found optimism,  she was able to encourage her mom and siblings especially her mom. It is never a good scene to watch the one you love die in your hands. Her mom needed all the love she could get and it was no time for Penelope to break down or get withdrawn. 

This she knew and so she began to adjust to keep the family together and growing. 

The End.