=0 ~Satan is my new Latin tutor? ~ :0

"Quid est nomen meum?"

"What the hell does this mean."

I sigh, but it was my fault for taking Latin this year. I should've just taken Spanish like last year.

I lay on my back looking up at the stars. Yes, I'm on my roof.

Is it dangerous?- Yes.

Could I fall and break every bone in my body?- Very much so.

Is that going to stop me?- Absolutely not.

The stars are still twinkling, and I'm still going to fail my Latin test. Sighing again, I sit up and try to focus.

Sipping on my water, I try not to fall asleep.

"Est nomen meum..."

"Ok, this is, fill in the blank. So 'My name is Lauryn'."

"Great one question done," I mutter under my breath. "I'll just do Latin last, where's my Science textbook?" 

After what seemed like hours of homework and studying, I only had Latin left. It was 1 am, dear lord.

You may be wondering, "hmm, where are your parents, and why are they not telling you to get off of the roof?"

Well, my mom works the night shift at the hospital, and she's a single parent. Enough said. 

So I'm all alone with Marv(my large, enthusiastic husky).

Okay, back to work.

"How are you? That's uh Quamodo Es?"

"Eh, doesn't matter, close enough."

After a couple of minutes, I realized that I am horrible at this and if I want to pass my test I need Google.

Let's see, 'Latin learning tips for beginners sounds good enough'

This website seems helpful(shady but helpful); Latine-Satanas.com, no idea what that means. But they have a lot of stuff, that's mainly in Latin. Hmm, "Mihi opus est satanas. Voco eum ex profundo inferni."

Am I saying that right?

Is that an earthquake? Shit, let me get off the roof, I grab my backpack and slide off the roof, through my window. Into my room and under my desk. I search for my phone and text my mom about it, she replies instantly saying that she doesn't feel it. 

Am I hallucinating? Then the earthquake just stops, it could just be my lack of sleep. Right? I text her saying everything was all right, and that it was probably a dream or something.

"Bark Bark"

Marv!

"Ugh get away you- stop licking me. I AM THE GREAT RULER OF HELL GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME."

"Ruff ruff"

Who the hell is that? I peek up and see a huge, jet-black demon. Pretty vague, but I'm facing the back of an oddly buff demon with horns. Even weirder, he had a suit on, a sophisticated demon, perhaps. 

Why am I not freaking about this? I don't know either.

 And now it's trying to fight off Marv- well, more like trying not to get toppled over by a very over-excited Marv.

He turned, and my breath hitched in my throat.

"Can you please tell your creature to get off me?" I just stood there in astonishment, what else are you supposed to do when a demon, with skin as black as coal, glowing yellow eyes, and papery skin. Not to mention large enough, to touch my ceiling. 

"Hello?" he demanded.

"Um, who are you?" I whisper.

"You're asking me? You're the one that summoned me." He sounded annoyed.

"M-me?" I murmured

"Yes, you. Who are you?" He said with an exasperated sigh.

"How d-did I summon you?"

"Great, I'm brought all the way from hell in the middle of the night, for a girl who doesn't even know she summoned Satan. The Devil needs his beauty sleep too."

"S-Satan, as in the devil. Like from hell."

"Yes, how many other satans do you know?"

"Oh, my god-"

"Please don't, don't call him into this."

"W-what?"

"You know, the big G. The one you humans can't seem to decide if you love or hate.

"Oh" I manage to get out.

"Yes, oh." He paused, looked me up and down. "And, what are you wearing? That outfit itself belongs in hell."

I look down at my clothes, and it's just an oversized hoodie and some sweats. Okay, maybe a few stains on it, but I'm at home.

"And your hair, ugh." He says in disgust interrupting my thoughts while reaching out to touch a few strands of my hair escaping my "messy" bun.

"Hey, I'm at home."

"So was I, you don't see me dressed like a homeless person, now do you?"

"Well, you know what-"

"Yes?" He said with a very punchable smile.

"Your suit looks like a cheap rip-off, and it didn't help Marv put his paws all over you." I childishly retorted.

"What!" He said frantically trying to find the stains.

He looked at Marv, then at me.

"Well, keep your animal away from me. This is a Zegna suit, and I would rather not have dirt all over it."

"A what suit?"

"GASP. You poor, foul creature."

"Hey!"

I look at him closer, wondering if my brain's playing tricks on me. My sleep paralysis demon is certainly having a kick out of this.

"So just double-checking, you're, the devil, right?"

"Yes, the great ruler of hell."

"And those horns are real."

"Yes, child."

"I'm not a child!" Excuse me, I'm a full-grown young adult.

"Oh really, you're what 10?"

"No, I'm 15!"

He squinted at me.

"Did humans get even tinier?"

"No, I'm the average height!"

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking me over again.

"Yes, it's not my fault you're a giant. How old are you anyway"

"Eh, just a few millennia." He nonchalantly said.

"A few?" I asked incredulously.

"Ok maybe more than a few, you don't have to be rude about it."

"I'm n-not." I stuttered.

"Let's cut to the chase, why did you summon me?" He said while plopping down on my bed.

"Hey, get your feet off my bed. And it was a mistake."

"Bark bark" Marv eagerly jumped on him. And Satan literally fell off, but he seemed to be fine with Marv plopped at his feet.

"Ugh, So you accidentally summoned the great ruler of-"

"Yes, I know you're the great ruler of hell, Satan, the devil, the evil one, I was trying not to fail my Latin test. SO I went online, and I tried to learn some tips. Then I find this I'll admit shady website called Latine-Satanas.com and-"

"I'm sorry" he interrupted, about to erupt in laughter.

"You went on a website that said Latine Satanas and thought it was an excellent idea."

"Yeah? So what?"

"So what? It means Latin Satan."

"Well, I didn't you know- pay attention to that. Wait, a minute- you understand Latin?"

"Oh, wow look at me I'm a short human and I didn't pay-"

"No, no, I don't care about that. You know Latin?"

"What yes I know Latin, every self-respecting dark creature knows Latin... why?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"Ok so hear me out here, if I don't pass this test. My mom's going to kill me. So if you would just help me, that'd be great."

"You want me, The Satan, to teach you Latin?"

"Yes, please," I said, trying to give him the best puppy dog eyes I could.

"Ugh stop that. You look worse than the demons in hell." He said. The audacity. But if I don't pass, Mom's going to kill me. So through gritted teeth, I say "Please."

"Not going to happen, kiddo. I got better things to do."

That was it. 

"You appeared for a reason, and I'm thinking it's because I could ask you a favor. So here it is, you have to help me with my Latin." And I'm about to faint because this guy is about to blow me up.

"Fine, I'll do it." He said, at least his eyes weren't looking murderous anymore.

"You'll help me?" I can't believe that worked. Still the last time I'm going to be giving an ultimatum to the Devil.

"So humans are short and deaf. Great."

"I heard you, let me just bring my book. I need to go over common words and then sentence formation. And, are you going to stay like that all night?"

"Like what?"

"You know, like the devil and all. With the horns..."

"Huh". he sighed, "Humans, fine."

And then he started to... transform? It was a whirlwind of air and sparkles. No kidding, there were sparkles. And it wasn't the 7 foot Satan I knew. Oh no, it was a guy my age. You know, the one that goes to high school and looks like they were having an existential crisis. Except this one looked like he belonged on the front page of Vogue. Unfortunately, I just stood there.

"Like what you see," he said infuriatingly with a wink.

"No, no-I was-" Was I blushing- I don't think so- am I?

"I'm used to it, I'm what they call devilishly handsome." His smirk was even more infuriating. And it brought me from whatever dimension I was in before.

"Oh, shut up."

"Make me." Jeez, how obnoxious can you get?

"Maarrvv."

"Ruff ruff"

"I hate you." He said while protecting his suit with my pillows.

"Until you want dirt on your 'Zegna' suit," I say making air quotes. "zip it " I squint at him obnoxiously.

"Are you threatening me?" His eyebrow moving up, questioning me.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not."

"You have a nerve, child."

"I have plenty you want to see." I retort. Human satan wasn't that frightening anymore. 

"You better watch your tongue, now get your book.

"Oh yeah, I'll just-" I said almost tripping over my clothes. He just rolled his eyes.

"Well hurry, I don't have all night."

"Oh, my god I'm-"

"What did I say about mentioning him? Stop staring at me and get you stuff. For the last time." He said while shaking his head.

Ignoring him I just plop next to him with my textbook "So, I'm having trouble with sentence formation and all. You know how English and Latin are like backward."

"Well, what do you humans call it a subject?"

"Oh yeah, my teacher was saying something like how Latin is Subject-Object-Verb and English is Subject-Verb-Object."

"Your teacher's correct, boring but correct. An easier way is to think that Latin is a mystery novel and you don't know what's happening till the end. Latin likes a touch of suspense, by placing the verb at the end"

"Oh, that's helpful. I also needed help with the..."

2.5 HOURS LATER:

"BEEP BEEP. YOU BETTER GET UP BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO GET UP."

"ugh," I frantically try to find my phone to end my horrible ringtone. Yawning, I look to my side and scream "AHHH" 

I fall off my bed trying to remember why a guy was sleeping next to me. A very cute guy, but still.

"Would you shut up? I spend all night helping your sorry-behind study for your test and you wake me up like this?"

I remember now. "S-Satan?"

"No, it's your mother, now let me sleep before I vaporize you."

"Oh yeah, I'll just..." Well, what are you supposed to do when the Devil himself is sleeping in your room. You do what any normal person does, you get dressed and make breakfast.

I send my mom a 'Good Morning' text, and I look for my beloved cereal.

"Look, it's your mother calling- you better not be doing anything illeg-"

I have a problem with ringtones, I know.

"Hey mom, how was work."

"It was busy darling, they need me here a while longer I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm going to have to go back early too."

"Oh, how early?"

"At around 4. I should call Leah, see if she can stay the night."

"Mom! I'm 15, I can take care of myself."

"I know honey, we can go out for dinner tomorrow, your pick. I got to go."

"Ok bye, mom, love you."

"love you too, hon."

I end the call, turning to get my milk. "AH!" This boy will give me a heart attack.

"Would you stop yelling, you're killing my eardrums."

"Oh sorry. So um are you going to go back?"

"Back?" He asked confused.

"Yeah to hell, I guess?"

"And miss that test I lost my beauty-sleep over? Not a chance." He asked while stealing my breakfast.

"Hey, that's mine!"

"Not anymore." And he took a bite, staring at me straight in the eyes.

"Ding-dong"

Oh frick, I'm doomed.

"Who's that?" he asked with his mouth full.

"That would be Leah," I say trying to come up with a believable excuse.

He gave me a confused look.

"She takes care of the house and Marv when my mom's not here. Shit, she's going to freak when she sees you."

"Why?"

I glare at him, "Just, get in the closet and don't make a sound."

"I don't want to go into the closet." He complained.

"I don't care, she just can't see you."

"Lauryn, is everything ok?" Leah called out.

"Yeah Leah, just give me a sec."

I turn towards him, "Get in the closet."

 "I'm just going to turn invisible instead."

What? And yup, he's gone in thin air. I rush towards the door right when Leah barges in, claiming I could've been a hostage.

"Why would I be- how did you even get it?"

"Oh, I picked the lock, your mom gave me a key once. But I totally didn't lose it."

This girl.

"Your mom told me she'll be late today, and it's almost 7:40 so get your ass to school."

"Yeah, I'm going."

I should explain, Leah's an old family friend of ours. She's an online college student, who eats all our food.

I'm going to have detention for a week if I'm late again. 

I tell Leah I'm going, hug Marv, grab my stuff, and rush out.

"So where are we going now?" Satan comes out of nowhere and scares the life out of me.

"What? You're not coming with me to school."

"Why not?"

I tried to tell him that the devil disguised as a teenage model going to school would be suspicious.

But no he wouldn't have it.

  So, I had to give him the rundown of how he couldn't vaporizing people for fun, and that he had to be invisible, or people will be skeptical. (Believe it or not, but models don't flock towards me.)

 He was sad about the vaporizing part, but we manage to reach school barely before the bell rang. And I slid into first period- Science, with the Devil right behind me. Mr. Rian (the science teacher) was a big astronomy fan. There were universe posters everywhere(you know normal teacher stuff) and models of planets, etc. "This guy really likes the gas balls up there." a voice whispers in my ear to me.

"Would you shut up?"

Poor Colin behind me just blanched, and I had to reassure him I wasn't yelling at him.

"I've met quite a few of them. The gas balls." He added.

I just sigh and looked up at the paper stars hanging from the ceiling.

"And don't even get me started on the stars, obnoxious losers."

This would be a long day.