Submitted to: Contest #321

The Amber Culling

Written in response to: "Center your story around something that’s hidden."

Horror Speculative Suspense

Pastor Billy "Salvation" Sweetwater had fallen further than Lucifer himself, and that was saying something, considering Lucifer never had to shovel goat shit at six in the morning.

The rusted Cadillac wheezed to a stop outside Sunshine Acres Petting Zoo, chrome bumper held on by duct tape and divine intervention. Billy adjusted his tie in the rearview mirror, the silk now frayed at the edges from too many repo men grabbing it. His phone screen showed zero missed calls. The faithful had moved on faster than rats from a sinking ship.

Two hundred hours of community service. Two hundred hours in this backwater purgatory while his empire crumbled into dust.

A woman emerged from a trailer that had seen better decades, cigarette dangling from lips that had forgotten how to smile. Her gray hair was pulled back in a bun that could stop bullets, and her eyes held all the warmth of a tax audit.

"You must be the famous fraud," she said, exhaling smoke. "Welcome to Paradise. Try not to steal anything."

Billy deployed his practiced charm offensive, stepping from the car with arms spread wide. "Sister Dolores, I presume? What a blessed morning the Lord has granted us! I am Pastor Billy Sweetwater, humble servant of the Almighty, here to bring the light of prosperity to this humble establishment."

Dolores stared at him with dead eyes. "The chickens need feeding."

"Of course, of course! But first, let me share with you the vision God has placed on my heart for this sacred space. I see families streaming through these gates, children's laughter echoing across—"

As Billy gestured grandly toward the dilapidated animal pens, his gaze swept across a chicken coop. Time stuttered. One bird sat apart from the others, a Rhode Island Red with amber eyes that seemed to bore straight through his skull.

The world tilted.

Images flooded his mind: Dolores buying a winning scratch-off ticket at the Shell station. A couple breaking up in the Walmart parking lot, the woman hurling a bag of Cheetos at the man's head. Someone's grandmother's secret fried chicken recipe involving Coca-Cola and dark family secrets.

Billy stumbled backward, hands pressed to his temples. The visions had felt like ice picks behind his eyes, each image searing itself into his memory with unnatural clarity. Heat stroke. Low blood sugar. Too much Jim Beam in his coffee. But even as he grasped for rational explanations, part of him noted the precision of what he'd seen—not vague impressions, but specific details down to the exact time stamp.

And those amber eyes... they'd seemed to be looking not at him, but through him, cataloguing something deep inside his skull.

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes!"

The voice was high-pitched, theatrical. Billy whipped around to find a ferret standing upright in a cage, tiny paws pressed against the wire mesh.

"Did that thing—"

"Yeah, he does that," Dolores said, lighting another cigarette. "Ignore him. The chickens still need feeding."

Billy stared at the ferret, who fixed him with an unnervingly intelligent gaze. Definitely heat stroke.

"His name's Marlowe," Dolores continued. "Previous owner was some theater professor from Atlanta. Left him here when she couldn't afford the rent anymore."

The ferret chittered something that sounded suspiciously like iambic pentameter.

"Right," Billy said slowly. "The chickens."

*******

By afternoon, Billy had fed every animal in the place twice while his mind churned through rational explanations. The sun beat down mercilessly, turning his one good suit into a portable sauna. Sweat stung his eyes as he approached the chicken coop again.

Heat stroke. Dehydration. Stress-induced hallucinations. Anything but supernatural nonsense.

The other chickens pecked at grain and strutted about their business, but the red hen sat motionless on her perch, amber eyes tracking his movement. Billy crouched down, notepad in hand.

"Alright, Henrietta," he said, reading the nameplate on her perch. "Let's see what you're really about."

He made deliberate eye contact.

The world exploded into fragments of possibility. This time the visions came sharper, more detailed: Dolores's ex-husband Harold returning next Tuesday at 11:47 AM, tail between his legs. Deputy Janet Kowalski nursing a secret crush on the veterinarian who came by Thursdays. The town's water main bursting Thursday at exactly 3:47 PM, flooding Main Street.

Billy broke contact, gasping. His hands shook as he scribbled notes.

This is insane. This is impossible. This is...

"Dolores!" he called, jogging toward the trailer. "Quick question about your husband."

She snorted. "Harold? That son of a bitch ran off to Tampa with his secretary three years ago." But something flickered in her eyes. Hope? Fear? "Why?"

"Oh, no reason. Say, hypothetically, if he were to come crawling back, what would you do?"

"Hypothetically?" She took a long drag. "I'd probably take him back. I'm an idiot that way."

Billy's pulse quickened. He glanced back at Henrietta, who watched with predatory patience.

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!" Marlowe squeaked from his cage.

But what if it's real?

Billy pulled out his cracked iPhone, mind already calculating angles. Viral videos. Speaking tours. Book deals. The faithful flooding back with their wallets open.

"Sister," he said, his preacher voice creeping back, "I believe the Lord has blessed this establishment with a miracle."

*******

The first "Prophetic Poultry" video looked exactly what it was: a desperate man filming a chicken with his phone. Billy positioned himself beside Henrietta's coop, adjusting his tie and summoning his old television presence.

"Beloved friends, I speak to you from a place of humble service, where the Lord has revealed something extraordinary." The camera caught his reflection in Henrietta's amber eyes. "This blessed bird, this feathered prophet of the Almighty, has been granted the gift of divine sight."

He uploaded it Monday night. Tuesday morning brought 847 views and three comments, two of them telling him to get a real job.

Tuesday at 11:47 AM, Harold Crankshaw's beat-up Ford pulled into the petting zoo parking lot.

Billy livestreamed the whole thing on Facebook: Harold shuffling toward the trailer, hat in hand, Dolores emerging with fury written across her face. The argument. The tears. The reluctant embrace.

"Folks," Billy whispered into his phone, "you're witnessing prophecy fulfilled."

His follower count jumped to 10,000 overnight.

Wednesday brought pilgrims. A desperate farmer whose crops were failing. A woman whose son had gone missing in Atlanta. A day-trader with bloodshot eyes and shaking hands.

Billy charged twenty dollars for a "divine consultation." Each person stared into Henrietta's amber eyes while Billy provided spiritual interpretation of their visions. The chicken's predictions were eerily specific: which horse would win at the track, where to find a lost wedding ring, when to sell GameStop stock.

Thursday at 3:47 PM, the water main burst exactly as predicted. Billy livestreamed the flood, his viewer count exploding to 50,000 as emergency crews pumped water from Main Street.

The changes in his regular visitors started small. Mrs. Henderson, who'd won fifty dollars on a scratch-off after Henrietta's "guidance," returned the next day. And the next. By Thursday, she was camping in the parking lot, staring at the chicken coop with unblinking eyes that had begun to show flecks of amber.

"Mrs. Henderson," Billy had asked gently, "don't you need to get home to your cats?"

She'd turned to him with a smile that didn't reach those strange, brightening eyes. "The Prophet provides all I need," she'd said in a voice like rustling leaves.

The farmer whose crops Henrietta had "saved" brought his entire family. They stood in a silent line, swaying slightly, their collective gaze fixed on the chicken coop. When Billy tried to speak to them, they responded in unison: "We are listening to the eternal song."

By Friday, the local news crew arrived.

Billy should have felt triumphant as the cameras rolled, but something cold had settled in his stomach. The believers' expressions weren't just devoted—they were vacant. Empty. And when he looked in the mirror that morning, he'd noticed his own eyes seemed... different. Brighter. The rational part of his mind screamed warnings as he kept drowning in the roar of applause and the rustle of donation envelopes.

"I'm a humble servant, folks," Billy told the camera, Henrietta perched on his shoulder. "The real miracle is this blessed bird, this feathered prophet of the Almighty!"

The crowds grew. Hundreds, then thousands, streaming into Peach Bottom from across the state. They came seeking answers, clutching printouts of Billy's livestreams, eyes bright with desperate faith.

Billy preached while Henrietta sat on a golden perch donated by a grateful lottery winner. The donations poured in. The merchandise sold faster than blessed water at a tent revival.

But late at night, when the crowds went home, Billy found himself staring at Henrietta's coop with growing dread. The chicken never slept. Those amber eyes tracked him constantly, and sometimes—just sometimes—he caught himself walking toward her cage without remembering the decision to move.

This is it. This is my comeback.

But something nagged at him. The way visitors' eyes grew glassy after their consultations. How they returned again and again, neglecting jobs and families. The amber tint creeping into their irises.

Deputy Janet Kowalski pulled him aside Sunday morning. "Billy, I'm getting missing persons reports. People coming to see your chicken and then... wandering off.”

"Sister Janet, the Lord works in mysterious ways."

"Tommy Chen disappeared three days ago. You remember Tommy—fixed your transmission last year?" Janet's voice carried an edge Billy had never heard before. "His wife says he came here for a consultation, left walking like he was in a trance. Security cameras caught him heading toward the interstate, but after that..." She shrugged helplessly. "It's like he just evaporated."

Billy's chest tightened. He did remember Tommy—good man, honest mechanic, two young kids. "Maybe he just needed some time to—"

"His car's still in your parking lot, Billy. Keys in the ignition. Wallet on the dashboard. His wife's worried sick."

For a moment, Billy saw Tommy's face clearly: the desperate hope in his eyes as he'd stared into Henrietta's gaze, asking about his failing business. The way that hope had transformed into something glassy and vacant.

"The Lord doesn't usually leave people catatonic in Waffle House parking lots," Janet continued. "Or walking into traffic like zombies.”

Billy waved her concerns away, but doubt gnawed at him. During his evening sermon, he caught sight of his reflection in the livestream camera.

His own eyes now held flecks of amber.

*******

Midnight found Billy alone at the petting zoo, drawn by a compulsion he couldn't name. The animals were agitated. Goats bleated nervously. Rabbits thumped warnings. Even the ancient tortoise paced his enclosure.

"She's not divine, you fool."

Billy spun around. Marlowe stood upright in his cage, no longer speaking in Shakespearean quotes.

"What did you say?"

"I said she's not divine. She's a parasite." The ferret's voice carried exhaustion born from decades of helpless watching. "I've been cursed with awareness for forty years, watching her move from host to host. A traveling circus psychic in the fifties. A small-town fortune teller in the seventies. A pet store owner in the nineties."

This isn't happening. Ferrets don't talk. Not in English.

"The prophecies are real," Marlowe continued. "She can see probability threads, quantum possibilities. But only as bait. She feeds on human consciousness through the eyes, growing stronger with each believer."

Billy's throat constricted. "The missing people..."

"Drained completely. The amber eyes aren't a side effect, they're a mark of permanent connection. The more people believe, the more she can consume."

Horror crept up Billy's spine. "What is she?"

"Ancient. Alien. Hungry. She's been grooming you as her next vessel, Billy. Someone with influence, with a following."

Billy fumbled for his phone to call Janet, but the screen was dead. His car keys wouldn't turn. The Cadillac sat silent and cold.

"She won't let you leave," Marlowe said softly. "Not until she's ready."

From the chicken coop came a sound that might have been laughter.

*******

Sunday morning brought the largest crowd yet. Five hundred believers packed Sunshine Acres, carrying signs reading "Henrietta for President!" and "The Feathered Messiah!" The amber-eyed faithful swayed in unison, humming hymns that hurt to hear.

Billy climbed onto the makeshift stage, Marlowe's words echoing in his mind. He could feel Henrietta's presence pressing against his consciousness, trying to worm deeper into his thoughts. Every instinct screamed at him to run, but his legs moved him forward against his will.

"My beloved congregation," he began, fighting to keep his voice his own. The amber pressure increased, and his words began to shift. "I must tell you—" The truth. Tell them the truth. "—that we are blessed—" No! Fight it! "—to witness—"

Henrietta's gaze locked onto him from her golden perch. The world tilted.

You cannot resist, her voice whispered in his mind, ancient and patient. You are already mine.

But Billy had spent years controlling crowds, reading their energy, manipulating their emotions. Those same skills that had made him a successful fraud now became weapons against the parasite. He focused on the memory of Tommy Chen's empty eyes, on Mrs. Henderson's vacant smile, on Marlowe's decades of silent torment.

"The truth!" Billy shouted, his voice cracking as he fought against the psychic stranglehold. "This creature is not divine! She feeds on your faith! She's stealing your—"

The amber fire surged, overwhelming his resistance. When Billy spoke again, his voice carried harmonics that belonged to something else entirely. "The false prophet speaks! He who brought us together now seeks to tear us apart!"

The crowd's reaction was worse than violence—it was coordinated. Five hundred people turned toward him in perfect unison, their amber-flecked eyes reflecting the same alien intelligence. They didn't rush the stage; they moved forward with mechanical precision, their earlier humanity completely erased. Hands reached for him not in anger, but with the methodical efficiency of drones following programming—grabbing at his suit, his hair, his throat with synchronized movements. Deputy Kowalski tried to restore order but found herself outnumbered by increasingly aggressive true believers.

Henrietta's influence spread through the mob. More amber eyes. More glazed expressions. A chant began: "Feed the faithful. Feed the faithful."

Even as his body betrayed him, even as alien thoughts flooded his mind, Billy managed one last act of rebellion. His thumb found his phone, activated the camera, and with the final sparks of his consciousness, he stared directly into the lens.

"Don't look in her eyes! She feeds on belief! This is Pastor Billy Sweetwater, and I... I..." The words came out as his own thoughts were catalogued and filed away like old newspapers. "I'm sorry I failed y’all."

His thumb hit 'send' as amber fire consumed the last of Billy Sweetwater.

*******

Six months later, Sunshine Acres had been transformed into "Sweetwater's Sanctuary of Miracles." Gift shops lined the parking lot. Tour buses arrived hourly. Pilgrims purchased blessed merchandise and waited in lines to consult the Prophetic Poultry.

"Pastor Billy" preached to thousands, his amber eyes hidden behind designer sunglasses. His voice carried the same cadence, the same mannerisms, but something ancient looked out through his smile.

Dolores counted money at the gift shop, her own eyes showing flecks of amber. Harold stood beside her, blank-faced and compliant.

Deputy Kowalski investigated missing persons reports, but each lead went cold. Security footage showed people walking into the sanctuary and never walking out, though the cameras somehow never captured their faces clearly.

Tommy Chen's children still waited by the window for their father to come home. Mrs. Henderson's cats had been found dead in her house, apparently from starvation. The farmer's family had vanished so completely that neighbors wondered if they'd ever existed at all. But Janet Kowalski remembered their faces, their voices, their hopes and fears.

She'd stopped sleeping well since she'd started seeing amber flecks in her own reflection.

Marlowe sat in a golden cage labeled "Shakespeare, the Prophetic Pet," forced to dispense fortune-cookie wisdom to children. His eyes had lost their fire. When no one was listening, he whispered the same phrase over and over: "The rest is silence."

Billy's warning video had been dismissed as a "mental breakdown" and "cry for help." Comments ranged from "Fake news!" to "Poor guy couldn't handle his comeback." The algorithm buried it beneath cat videos and conspiracy theories.

"Pastor Billy" smiled at the camera during his evening broadcast, amber eyes glinting behind tinted lenses. Behind him, pilgrims swayed in perfect synchronization, their own eyes reflecting the warm glow of enlightenment.

"Tomorrow we expand to new markets," he announced. "The prophecy demands it."

In Peach Bottom, Georgia, business had never been better.

Posted Sep 26, 2025
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33 likes 31 comments

Iris Silverman
16:19 Oct 05, 2025

This was a truly fascinating piece exploring the relationship between group psychology and organized religion. Really fantastic commentary on the intersection of money (and greed) and Christianity (with the rise of mega churches....). Billy spent years influencing (or might I say, brainwashing) crowds of people who were yearning for hope and happiness for his own benefit - and now he has begun to receive a taste of his own medicine. The subtle way that you communicated this message was perfect. I think this is truly an important piece for the times we live in. I would absolutely love for this to be made into a motion picture.

The permanence of the brainwashing here (via amber flecks in eyes) made me conjure up several questions: can people recover once their eyes have turned amber? Can there be intervention before the amber sinks in?

PS: Your humor is fantastic. I could just see this come to life as a movie with a very amusing narrator. Your religious metaphors were fantastic and perfectly complemented the storyline. You are fantastic, and I hope you are working on publishing.

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Iris Silverman
16:20 Oct 05, 2025

Note: I think I may be navigating life looking for amber flecks in people's eyes from here on out... xD

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Mary Butler
14:27 Oct 07, 2025

Thank you so much for this incredibly thoughtful and generous feedback. It honestly means more than I can say. Writing (and especially revising!) can sometimes feel like trudging through the emotional mudflats, so kind and perceptive words like yours are the sort of lifeline that keep a writer going.

I'm especially glad the commentary on group psychology and organized religion resonated with you—it’s a thread I really wanted to explore without being too heavy-handed, so your note about the subtlety of the message really made my day. Also, your amber-eyed speculation gave me chills in the best way! I love that you're now on “amber alert” in real life 😄 That level of engagement is exactly what I dream of when I write.

I am actively working on publishing—just finishing up a few projects and weighing whether to go the traditional route or stick with self-publishing like I did for my first book, The Herbal Henhouse. I’m giving myself some room to figure that out, but my goal is to get my work out into the world soon.

And wow—a motion picture? You’ve got me grinning. If anything I write ever makes it to screen, I am inviting you to the movie premier.

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Iris Silverman
01:58 Oct 08, 2025

I am SO excited to read your published work. PLEASE do keep me updated on your publishing process. I'll be the first to purchase :)

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Mary Butler
11:32 Oct 08, 2025

Iris, you are seriously the best! I can’t tell you how much your support means to me—especially coming from a fellow writer who knows the rollercoaster that is the creative process. I’ll absolutely keep you updated on the publishing journey and let you know when my author website is live. Whether I go the traditional route or continue the self-publishing path, knowing there's someone out there genuinely looking forward to the work makes the whole process feel a lot less daunting and a lot more meaningful.

I’m also working on something I think you might really appreciate—an educational manual on how to self-publish. I’ve learned so much from writing, formatting, editing, publishing, and marketing my first book (The Herbal Henhouse) and I wanted to create a clear, honest guide to help other writers navigate the process. It's still in the works, but I’m excited to share it once it’s ready!

Thanks again for being such an encouraging presence—it really fuels the fire.

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Mary Bendickson
21:57 Sep 27, 2025

Horrific.

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Mary Butler
15:35 Sep 28, 2025

Thank you..I was leaning into that since I usually layer on the comedy pretty thick.

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Victoria West
19:21 Oct 07, 2025

Wow, this was really good. I liked how it started off completely normal, and then suddenly weird things started happening. I really enjoyed this, and now I am wondering if maybe there is more to the story. Like what is her plan? Is there a way to reverse the amber flecks? And how can a chicken be so evil? 🤣 I know this is a short story so you can only add on so much, but it just goes to show how good of a story it was that to leave me wanting more! The way to show that they had been brainwashed was so creative, I never would have thought of that, I often have problems were I can never seem to think of unique ideas for my stories, so great job doing so yourself! It is a great way to show something is wrong. Also the name you chose for the chicken was funny, I love how it is a totally unsuspecting name. When I reached the end chills were going up my spine, truly haunting and wonderfully done.

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Mary Butler
11:52 Oct 08, 2025

Thank you so much for this wonderful and thoughtful feedback—it absolutely made my day. I'm really glad you enjoyed the slow creep from normal to what the heck is happening 🐔✨ That kind of tonal shift is one of my favorite things to play with.

You asked some excellent questions—what is Henrietta’s plan? Is there a way to reverse the amber eyes? Can a chicken truly be evil, or is she just... misunderstood? 😄 I love that you're thinking about the larger world and possibilities. Truthfully, I designed it to feel like a full arc in one story but with just enough open doors to suggest something darker lurking behind the curtain (or coop, in this case). That you’re left wanting more means a lot.

And I'm so happy the brainwashing/amber eyes element stood out! I wanted something visual and creepy, but subtle enough to sneak up on you until it's too late. It’s great to hear it felt creative to you—I think we all struggle with coming up with unique ideas sometimes, so that means a lot. I try to imagine the most bizarre story possible and go from there. I love including animals in my stories!

Also, I’m glad you liked Henrietta’s name! I figured if you’re going to make a prophetic evil chicken, giving her a wholesome, no-nonsense grandma name just adds to the weirdness 🤭

Thanks again for such kind words and detailed thoughts—I really appreciate it!

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Victoria West
15:23 Oct 08, 2025

No problem, your story deserves the praise it gets. Great story, and I can't wait to read more of your work.

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James Scott
08:01 Oct 02, 2025

This one has it all! The way the chickens influence was presented was so eerie and unsettling. When the pastor rallied toward the end I thought we were going to get a happy ending, only for things to take another turn. Great writing and a fun but capturing plot. Always trust a talking ferret.

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Mary Butler
11:19 Oct 02, 2025

Thanks so much, Jim! I'm really glad the chicken's influence came across as eerie—it was a fun challenge to make something as inherently silly as a psychic poultry feel genuinely unsettling. I had to let Pastor Billy almost claw his way to redemption before yanking the rug out, of course. And yes—always trust a talking ferret (especially one quoting Shakespeare). Really appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts!

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Marty B
02:35 Oct 02, 2025

Chickens are evil, Televangelists are conmen, and ferrets are wily philosphers so your characters are all spot on. And poor Dolores- 'gray hair was pulled back in a bun that could stop bullets, and her eyes held all the warmth of a tax audit' but really she was a softie, ready to hire a down and out pastor, and take her no -good ex back at the drop of a hat.
Did the people get what they wanted? Yes, and so did Pastor Billy, to lead a flock again. Just because they're zombies doesn't mean they're all bad. It just goes to show, be careful what you wish for- You're going to get it.

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Mary Butler
11:25 Oct 02, 2025

Hey Marty, thanks so much for the read and the sharp-eyed breakdown.

I’ve been raising chickens for almost twenty years now. They’re endlessly ridiculous — all fluff and drama. That’s actually what makes Henrietta so tragic to me. She’s this silly, clucky lady at her core, but twisted into something ancient and predatory. The horror isn’t just what she is — it’s what she used to be.

Glad Dolores came through as layered — crusty on the outside but with a soft, dented center. She and Billy both ended up getting exactly what they wanted, just not the way they expected. And isn’t that always the way?

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Viga Boland
20:31 Oct 01, 2025

Holy smokes Mary! I can honestly say I have never read a story like this. Once I started reading, I couldn’t stop till I got to the end… rare for me because it’s a fairly long story and I often lose interest. But that sure was not the case here: I couldn’t wait to see what would happen at the end. Reads like one of the best thrillers I have ever read, and in its own way it is a thriller and absolutely gory.

What command of the language you have:

“Her gray hair was pulled back in a bun that could stop bullets, and her eyes held all the warmth of a tax audit.”

“The sun beat down mercilessly, turning his one good suit into a portable sauna”

Such powerful metaphors. This is fantastic writing one of the best stories I’ve read in years.

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Mary Butler
11:31 Oct 02, 2025

Wow, Viga—your comment absolutely made my day! Thank you so much for taking the time to read the whole thing—I know it’s a bit long (I generally stretch the word limit as far as I can), so hearing that it held your attention all the way through really means a lot.

I'm especially glad you saw it as a thriller in its own weird and slightly unhinged way. That was exactly the vibe I was going for: a little bit horror, a little bit humor, and just enough absurdity to keep things unpredictable. I love writing cozy mysteries, horror, and dark comedy. I have been working on blending all of those genres.

And thank you for highlighting those lines! The “bun that could stop bullets” is one of my favorite mental images—Dolores kind of walked onto the page fully formed and refused to leave until she got her cigarettes and a punchline.

Seriously, your kind words and encouragement mean the world. Thank you again for reading, and for such thoughtful feedback!

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Viga Boland
12:38 Oct 02, 2025

Well, I think we each made each other’s day with our comments. When I joined Reedsy, it was those writers who took the time to comment and not just “like” and move on that brought me back again and again. The feedback is how we help each other grow as writers. After being away for a while, it seems the new crop of writers have yet to find the best reason for posting on Reedsy: giving and getting feedback. That’s what I appreciate most. And you certainly deserve written praise 👏

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Mary Butler
14:23 Oct 02, 2025

I couldn’t agree more, Viga. Thoughtful feedback—like yours—is what makes this community worth coming back to. It’s easy to hit “like” and move on, but it’s the words people take the time to share that really stay with you and push you to grow.

I still remember one of my earlier stories where I leaned way too heavily on the word “like.” A few kind authors pointed it out, and I was honestly grateful—they helped me notice a habit I hadn’t even realized I had. It pushed me to explore new ways to shape a sentence, and that kind of insight made me a better writer.

I’m so glad our exchange reminded you of what originally drew you to Reedsy. That spirit of connection and encouragement is something I hope never gets lost here.

Thank you again for your kindness, your time, and your generous words. They meant more than you know. ❤️

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Viga Boland
15:33 Oct 02, 2025

My pleasure. This is the best way we writers can support each other at Reedsy. 😉

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Jason Basaraba
17:57 Oct 01, 2025

Oh that opening paragraph set the tone and you delivered. Watching a slow decline into a humans life is a reflection of today’s society. What is reality what is fake is there a difference?
The missing people added another dimension to this piece that added a horror aspect again a reflection of modern society. Or maybe I’m reading to much into this but, damn this is one time story that makes me wish I wrote it.

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Mary Butler
11:33 Oct 02, 2025

Thank you, Jason! I really appreciate you picking up on the layers—it means a lot that the opening pulled you in and the story delivered for you all the way through. You're definitely not reading too much into it; I was absolutely aiming for that blurred line between belief and exploitation, horror and satire, faith and manipulation. So the fact that you saw a reflection of modern society in there? Nailed it.

And hey, the highest compliment I can imagine is “I wish I wrote this.” That genuinely made my day. Thanks for reading and for such a generous comment!

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Helen A Howard
15:28 Oct 01, 2025

Hi Mary,
Basically fantastic. I found the lines hilarious and laugh out loud. It’s that vivid keynote turn of phrase you have - love it. Yet, underplaying this is something more disturbing as exemplified in the terrifying amber eyes. Wonderful characters in a disturbingly zany world. Well done.

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Mary Butler
11:35 Oct 02, 2025

Helen, thank you so much for this lovely feedback—it really made my day! I'm thrilled that the humor landed for you. I was aiming for that fine line between ridiculous and unsettling, so I'm glad the amber eyes gave it that extra layer of creep beneath the comedy.

And I really appreciate you connecting with the characters—I wanted them to feel a bit offbeat but grounded enough to carry the story's weirdness. “Disturbingly zany” is honestly the perfect phrase!

Thanks again for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughts. It means a lot!

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Aiden Mars
02:41 Oct 01, 2025

Mary, this was a wild ride - equal parts hilarious and terrifying. Pastor Billy’s fall from scam artist to “prophet” hooked me, but Henrietta with those amber eyes stole the show. Marlowe quoting Shakespeare was the perfect creepy-comic foil. And the way those eyes spread through the crowd - absolutely chilling. You nailed that sweet spot where horror and humor twist together.

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Mary Butler
10:42 Oct 01, 2025

Thank you so much, Aiden! I’m grinning over here — “hilarious and terrifying” is exactly the unholy cocktail I was going for. I had a lot of fun dragging Pastor Billy down the slippery slope from televangelist to unwilling herald of the feathered apocalypse. 🐓

Henrietta loved stealing the spotlight — though she insists it was divinely ordained. And I’m so glad Marlowe hit the right note for you! He started as comic relief but took on a life of his own (as cursed, sentient ferrets often do).

And fun fact: I actually raise chickens! A lot of them do have amber eyes — which makes staring contests way more ominous now.

Truly appreciate you taking the ride and sharing your thoughtful feedback — it means a lot!

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Keba Ghardt
19:55 Sep 30, 2025

Such a sharp poke at sham evangelism! Love the references to prophetic chickens (eggs not included) and induced spiritual experience. There's a very Stephen King element to the peckish parasite, but the ferret has a lot of Terry Pratchett to it. The gradual progression from plausible to unbelievable keeps the reader questioning everything, but the ending is both fitting and final. A glorious read

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Mary Butler
10:38 Oct 01, 2025

Thank you so much, Keba! I’m thrilled you picked up on the sham evangelism thread—I definitely wanted to skewer that with a wink and a shudder. Your Stephen King / Terry Pratchett comparison made my day.

And thank you for the kind words about the pacing and ending—striking that balance between escalating absurdity and meaningful closure was tricky, so it means a lot. “Peckish parasite” made me laugh out loud, by the way. Appreciate you reading!

Seriously, thanks again—your feedback means a lot!

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Eliza Jane
18:11 Sep 29, 2025

Wow. This story was a wild ride—equal parts hilarious, unsettling, and brilliantly original. Pastor Billy Sweetwater is such a compelling character, and the way you blended satire, horror, and social commentary was masterful. Henrietta is genuinely one of the creepiest "prophets" I've ever read, and Marlowe's tragic wisdom added a haunting layer. The slow descent into cult-like devotion was chilling, especially how belief itself became the currency of control. I’m still thinking about those amber eyes…
Please tell me there’s more coming. This world is too rich (and too terrifying) to leave behind.

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Mary Butler
10:26 Oct 01, 2025

Wow, Eliza—thank you so much for this incredibly thoughtful feedback! I'm really glad the mix of humor, horror, and satire landed for you—that's a weird tightrope to walk, and it means a lot to hear that it worked.

Pastor Billy was a blast (and a bit of a nightmare) to write. His arc from swaggering conman to unwilling prophet-puppet was always meant to toe that line between tragic and ridiculous. And Henrietta… yeah, she's definitely not done with us yet. The image of her staring with those amber eyes kind of haunts me too.

Also, I'm so glad you mentioned Marlowe. He’s probably the most quietly tragic character in the whole mess, and I love that you picked up on that layer.

As for more—let’s just say the Sanctuary might be expanding its reach. I’ve got a few threads wriggling around that want to be followed. Stay tuned (and maybe don’t make eye contact with any birds in the meantime). 🐔👁

Thanks again—your comment totally made my day!

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00:04 Oct 03, 2025

Such a surprising and ghastly story. Wow.

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Nathaniel H
16:01 Oct 02, 2025

What a unique story, it was so witty and amusing but still tragic and unsettling at the same time. Also, the closing line was perfect. Thanks for sharing!

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