A messy divorce or not

Thirty two years is enough of a lifetime to spend with someone you deeply admired and respected but what happens when circumstance change

life becomes so uncomfortable and stressed that you feel as if instead of going to the one who comforts you is the root of your issues.

Do you stay for your children’s sake even when he has lost all respect for you or is it because you have been above waters in finances so a future without him seems bleak and unforgiving.

What do you do when someone after all this time thinks it’s ok to break your boundaries, doesn’t keep up with his word and doesn’t care if you leave.

You let go of the place you once called home that you sacrificed your life for because this isn’t the future you did it for. Because in the end you know you deserve better than to be ignored and told that I wish I wasn’t home with you.

You start small even if you have kids who aren’t on their feet yet. A crammed one or two bedroom in a suburban area suffices for now. Working as a cashier feels like a blessing. Meeting your daily needs is enough even though you might not enjoy the lavishes of your past life, you finally have a peace of mind.

You start your own cooking YouTube channel because cooking for those you loved feels like the most rewarding thing to do and also the easiest. You decide to start sewing and doing embroidery work. You give classes for your native language and sciences to bright little minds. You plant herbs and go for actual shopping that you haven’t gone for in ages because self care was the first thing you neglected trying to save your marriage from hitting the rocks

You have finally realized sometimes you have to just switch on your damn flashlight instead of searching for the light at the end of the terminal. You have moved on from the shackles of the endless rut and are open to new experiences. You may know yourself so well to the point of hatred but everyone should treat you better than how you treat yourself because they don’t have a reason not to. You shouldnt expect any lower.

You finally got to live the life that you once just dreamt of your kids of having. An independent respectful living with a mindset to grow better everyday and not just feel like you are slaving your day away to chores. Housework is still the same but you manage your time better and make space for your interest. Life is about sacrifices but also do those sacrifices even matter if your not living in your present fully. There just isn’t any toxicity or manipulation. Verbal abuse and emotional void is what you have left behind. The new you might have had lot of obstacles after leaving home but it was the best decision if you just didn’t want to wait for death.

Finding someone who cares for you is all that matters who shows up and is there for you in both good and especially bad times. Life is a blessing and a gift and you shouldn’t let anyone not even yourself tell you anything different. It doesn’t have to feel burdensome all the time. There should be more to like than just doing your housework and making ends meet with the least given.

Just ask yourself would you like your own daughter to have gone through what you did. Do you want any kid you meet to have the life you had and stayed. Life might not be all roses and rainbows but it’s definitely not all thorns or a test of how much you can bear. It’s about love and laughter and growth that I hope you experience in this lifetime. I hope you get to the point where you never complain about life ever again. Where you don’t feel alone even in being in a relationship. My prayer is that you meet people only who are kind and soft spoken who have similar interests to yours so you can talk for hours without feeling that they are being annoyed.

Sometimes it’s just time to leave and built new homes. Divorce shouldn’t be as taboo as most old folks make it out to be. I know the idea of being alone eats you inside but it’s the better option from being bitter to your better half at an old age. You deserve so much better than being married to someone you never even saw or talked to before marriage. It wasn’t your decision and I hope someday you find someone you love whose thoughts you cherish instead of being terrified of them and whenever you look back you should be fill with awe about the beautiful life you were blessed with. You shouldn’t have to fear divorce because your husband just decides not to provide. No relationship should be so shallow even for the briefest minute. I hope you build a life instead of waiting for heaven as an escape and that your best days are yet to come.

Seeing you in peace should bring others peace not make them feel as if you have resting all day long doing nothing. You shouldn’t have to break your back every single moment of your day. You should only work if you desire a good outcome not because you have to do this and that.

Some homes are not worth recognizing after leaving because of all the pain they caused. Balance is the key to living fully not excesses in working yourself to mental exhaustion. Your husband shouldn’t be a barrier to finding content in your life, you shouldn’t have to put up with the worst behavior he can put forward. You are one of the best creatures walking this earth and let no one put you any lower than that. It’s your decision on staying in a home filled with deceit or idealizing your best self and living that dream.