Broken promise

Submitted into Contest #121 in response to: Write about someone giving or receiving a gift.... view prompt


Sad Fiction Romance

“When we’re older, let’s get married.” A blonde girl with pig tales smiled. She just recently lost her two front teeth making her have a small lisp. Her bright green eyes shined with happiness as she suggested her newest thought.

“Yeah, okay.” A boy the same age smiles just as brightly. He was young but he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. She was perfect and as he responded her eyes only shined brighter.

“Pinky promise.” She held out her pinky. It was an unspoken rule between them that a pinky-promise was unbreakable especially between them.

“I promise, Lilly.” He rolls his eyes as if he was going to choose someone else. Nonetheless, he smiles and locks his pinky with her’s. They each lean in and kiss the other side of their hand sealing the promise.

“Together, forever.” She smiles. A bright light shines and a mark appears on their cheeks.

“You have a mark.” Chris points out looking on in fascination. He knew this is how their world worked. A promise made was a mark made and it would only disappear once you fulfill the promise.

“You do too.” She says tilting her head, her hand gently reached out and poked his cheek that now adorned a light black mark.

“Well, looks like we have to keep our promise.” He smiles watching her, his eyes were full of an emotion he couldn’t comprehend just yet. All he knew was that he wanted to stay by her side for as long as she would allow him there. He wanted her to be happy and be the cause of that happiness.

“Well, that shouldn’t be too hard. It’s not like we’re going to break it.” She smiles lightly, gently. It was like everything just made sense when he was around, a tingly feeling occurred deep in her stomach, it wasn’t a bad feeling, in fact, she welcomed it instead.

“Exactly.” He moves a little bit closer and grabs their locked pinkies with his other hand. There was no way he was going to leave her.


“Chris….Chris...Mr.Benson!” A male voice shouted, shocking the teen in his seat.

“Yes? Sorry, Mr.Connor’s.” He quickly apologizes, shaking his head trying to rid his thoughts of her. He never thought that a single event would derail his whole life.

“Pay attention! Take notes!” He shouts his eyes silently judging the boy.

“Yes, sir.” He quickly responds, turning back to his work on the table before he realizes that he didn’t have anything to write with. He looks around seeing the teacher with his back turned back towards the board no longer paying attention to what was occurring in the class. He simply went back to his lesson, everyone else was either talking silently with each other or goofing off on their phone. Chris held off a scoff at that, although he couldn’t blame his teacher for his actions. Everyone acted that way, especially with that mark still on his face.

“Uh-hey. Do you have a pencil I can borrow?” He gently asks the person closest to him. It wasn’t too much of an ask but nowadays he could never tell.

“Yeah, right. You’ve had that mark on your face for years, freak.”The kid snaps back causing chuckles to erupt nearby. He frowned at that, everyone else around him had a cheek free of any marks. Basically a target on his back. “You can’t be trusted.” 

It always came down to that one simple phrase. He inwardly flinched at that comment trying to not let it show how much it got to him. He just sighed and looked back at the board, his eyes even duller now. 

“Hey, here.” A light voice says holding out a pencil for Chris to use. He looks at it and smiles lightly, his eyes following the pencil to the owner.

“Thanks. I promise I’ll give it back.” He says looking sincerely at the girl with brown hair and brown eyes.

“I won’t hold my breath.” She replies before turning her focus back to board. Chris smiled as she turned back and knew that there was now another mark on his cheek but he also knew that he could keep it.


“There you are...Alice right.” Chris called out as the halls slowly emptied.

“Who are you?” She questions looking at him before her face twists in disgust. “Get away from me, freak.” Chris swallowed hard but kept the small smile on his face, it was easier to smile than to do anything else.

“Your pencil.” He holds out the mechanical pencil to Alice, she looks at it confused before grabbing it hesitantly. Watching his face she sees one mark disappear.

“So you can keep a promise.” She says it's like a brand new revlation she’s made. She puts her pencil into her black bag and looks back up at him. “So why do you have the mark?”

“Do you really want to know?” He asks, a melancholy smile appearing taking the place of his saddened one.

“If I didn’t want to know I wouldn’t have asked.” She replies rather sassily causing Chris’s grin to grow slightly. It reminded him or her.

“I promised someone I would marry them.” He answers before turning around.

“So you just won’t marry them?” She questions. He could feel her eyes burning into his turned back.

“Wanna come, I’ll show you.” Chris replies, his eyes turning back. He could see the curiosity burn within her eyes. 


The clouds were bright, completely contrasting the feeling that swirled within Chris. His feet walked the same memorized path.

“Why are we here?” Alice asks, looking at Chris. “Why are we in a cemetery?”

“You’ll see.” He replies before finally stopping. Flowers covered the ground by the grave. “Hey, I missed you.  Brought a friend this time. You would’ve loved her Lilly.” Chris smiles looking at the engraving in the stone.  His fingers lightly trace it as he remembers her bright smiles that were always directed at him, it always felt like they were in on their own little secret. Now all he has is her memory...and a broken promise.

Lilly Paige Patterson


November 23, 2021 08:41

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Christine Lepore
23:56 Dec 01, 2021

Lorelei, I know you nor your brother remember me from ps 28, I also worked with your mom & aunt at the stadium. This story is amazing and sadly enough it hit so close to home because it is mine. 😞 Thank you


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Kathryn Kukla
02:09 Dec 02, 2021

Thank you for this amazing story!


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06:05 Nov 30, 2021

This is great snippet of a world. A few edits would make this an amazing short story. I feel like there would be a lot to explore with "A promise made was a mark made and it would only disappear once you fulfill the promise". Some great stories could come out of a world with that rule.


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19:57 Nov 28, 2021

Oh my god, the detail and just amazingness...? Yeah, the amazingness this story has is incredible. This story deserves a million likes and a million positive comments!-CJ


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Mila Van Niekerk
12:57 Dec 08, 2021

This is so good! I have a few things to point out, though: I can figure out what the marks and promises have to do with each other, but an extra sentence or two just confirming what's the deal would definitely help. It doesn't have to be long, just something that explains the concept more thoroughly. (I've had this exact slip up pointed out from one of my own stories.) This story moves very quickly with little time and words spent on each scene. There's really nothing wrong with that, it's just that I find this world so interesting and I th...


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Connie Elstun
06:21 Dec 06, 2021

Nice dialogue. Good job.


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Kristin Angevine
15:01 Dec 03, 2021

Lorelei you have amazing talent.


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Everett Silvers
01:53 Dec 03, 2021

This story while short, is so beautiful and sad and lovely. It's a story that makes me want to smile and cry at the same time 😔


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F.O. Morier
07:52 Dec 02, 2021

Oh my word, this is such a lovely story!


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Francis Daisy
11:47 Nov 30, 2021

Oh! I didn't expect this ending! Sniffle, sniffle! Great story!


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19:48 Nov 28, 2021

Oh the end brought tears to my eyes :)


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Debbie Barrett
02:03 Dec 02, 2021

This story is beautiful. Very descriptive and touching. It truly touched my heart.


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