In No One!

If you look at pretty much anything that happens to people in life, they always seem to have something that they consider a problem. It's that, "Life's hard" bull crap. Until something really bad happens.

I have always been a trustful person. If you pick the right people for the right things, life is good. You can always count on a good friend. The secret is to keep standards low and never over-burden anyone. Wow! That's kinda the whole, "straw that broke..." and "you can't get blood..." things rolled into one. If I kept asking the same person for things, over and over, they'd start ghosting me. I trust people (read as friends) would loan me cash if the situation ever arose...but you could never ask for more than someone actually has themselves. If you have the right friends for the times when you want to hang out and just talk for a bit, or paint your house...just select carefully which friend is the correct fit.

This is just one of the positive attributes that I've always trusted in people to possess. However, this is a learned trait. There are ex-friends and maybe even an ex-wife (or two). But...thanks to an open mind and the ability to put my faith in others, life is wonderful!

Except.

None of that is true.

Nope! None of it. People suck. Everything I ever had I obtained on my own and was in spite of other people. They don't deserve or care about the truth. I don't trust any of you and believe that everyone is full of shit to some extent. And since becoming a cripple, it's just gotten worse.

Oh, the part about exes is true. That might me the only thing that isn't a lie in this whole story (how would you know?) There were folks that I called friends that only ended up vanishing into thin air when really needed. So technically never friends? Lies! If I keep lying to everybody, myself included, life is easier. I always say, "I'm fine" when people ask. They don'y really freaking care so why tell them the truth?

I went from trust to truth. Not a far skip in the dictionary but almost the same thing. Let me explain. Most people have like, work friends, personal friends and common interest friends...etc. You know. Certain people who you talk about different crap with because you both care a little about it like the same team or you and him have a girl with the same annoying idiosyncrasies.

But I always wondered why you all seemed to care about stuff that wasn't or didn't matter. Or did you really care? I sure as hell didn't! I just pretended to so whatever it was that was happening was more interesting at that moment.

Not my fault. Numerous people have told me that they'd always be there for me. Do you want to guess where they are now? Poof! Lies!

I trusted in them and they were there...when I didn't actually NEED them. Things are very different now. You try not walking for a year... or seven. Who is here to help or even just to talk too when I might actually need someone? The liars? No. This list includes...everyone. So if you can't beat'em... (I just noticed this is full of old quotes) (deal with it). I don't really care what anyone thinks.

The problem is that in everything I read says that everyone should have someone in their world that they can trust. At least one person they can rely upon if they really, really need them. Therein lies the problem Timmy. Now that I'm a cripple there may be an actual, true, real, life or death situation. So I selected one lucky individual who is now entrusted with my life. And that is the only truth or honesty or trust they get from me. Now that everyone has abandoned me, what's the point of always bitching about things no one considers more important than their own agenda anyway? The next person who can walk that tells me that their knee hurts gets punched in the face!

I know what you're thinking. Very cynical and untrue! Humans are good and always take care of each other. Pfft. I cant believe this little observation. Just wait. I hope it doesn't happen to you. It sucks. Trust me on that. But...where lying just in conversations about my interest in football, lying about total dependability and trust (as in "I'll always be here") can be very important and even vital to someones whole belief system. Mine has broken down. Why, you ask? Ya'see...

I've been laying in this bathtub for 2 days now. Yep. Two days! That person who is going to help me? Lives downstairs. All I have to do is knock on the floor in the event of an emergency. In my case the only really emergency would be if...(here it comes), "I've fallen and I can't get up!" So here I stew. Not really. It's really cold now. I banged and banged on the tub when I slid into it the other day. And yesterday. I can't reach the floor. I can't drain the water or add hot with my feet either. They don't work. Our emergency signal doesn't seem to work. Maybe I'm not pounding the right code. Maybe I'm too weak and cold to hammer my hands on this hard, uncomfortable, aqua-coffin. And to think I trusted them. I'm sure there will be an excuse when it's all over. There is always an excuse. I'm sure this one will be, "I didn't hear anything." In truth, we only tested to see if pounding on the floor worked. We never tested the bathtub but I find it hard to believe it's inaudible beneath me.

While you may think that it's not technically a lie, saying..."if there is EVER an emergency, just do ...blah blah" you really should be available. Case in point.

So just like all the other liars who told me that they'd be there for me, this one is MIA. Just like the wives. The only problem is that this one will kill me. Not the, "Oh you're killin' me" that I said to them... but I may really die here. So who do I trust? I trust In No One! That's the end of the "honesty" and "truth" I've gotten from everybody. So I suffer.

Or am I just making this all up?