Mar's Movie Critique

Hey Movie Aliens! Welcome back for another installment of Mar’s Movie Critique. Unfortunately, I have some bad news for you all today: 

The HeroMan movie was garbage. But before you go and add me to the list of people who believe I don’t know what I’m talking about just because I don’t get the hype around a new movie in a beloved franchise, just hear me out. 

Well,  I went to see this movie the day it was released (last Friday) with my now ex girlfriend. We were under the impression that this would be the movie that gave more context to his story, more of a “background of the hero” type of movie, with a good look at his relationship with HeroWoman when they were kids. I was really excited for this movie because I never thought they would actually focus on one of my favorite superheroes of all time. I have read every comic book that even featured HeroMan with my late dad. I have dressed up as him for Halloween (and random days off of school when my mom would let me) throughout my life, and had this connection with his backstory that I didn't have with any other superhero. So, when they announced a movie that would focus on his story, and not just put him in the background of someone else’s storyline…I was bouncing off the walls!

So, you can imagine my confusion when we opened on “Saturn,” HeroMan’s “sister.” I sat there for a good ten minutes trying to wrap my head around HeroMan calling this girl “sister” within the first five minutes of the movie. I tried to dig through my memory, hoping it was just me forgetting about her somehow. I mean, luckily she was killed off I guess, or else nothing else would have been able to happen since he was meant to be the only kid for a reason. But, as the movie kept progressing, I saw other crap I never read in the comics. 

They introduced Mr. Warren (Superhero’s dad played by Michael Scott) and I immediately got a bad taste in my mouth when he said, “Get upstairs,” in a stern voice that didn’t go away throughout the film. He was actually the only person who was kind to Superhero. He was HeroMan’s hero, but they turned him into a guy who would rather stay in the office all day and night instead of going home to see his son. He didn’t have a mom, but he never felt alone because he had a dad…yet, we got a character that felt so isolated from the world that he became miserable. I related to HeroMan because I never knew my mom, but my dad was my best friend. We did everything together, he even dressed up as Isaac when we went to conventions. He would be totally upset if he saw Mr.Warren wearing a black suit every scene he was in instead of a tee and baseball cap whenever he played outside with his son. To us, my dad was Mr. Warren, and I was SuperMan.So, I really needed him to stay like his actual character so that the bond would remain. But, nope. They couldn’t do that. They had to make HeroMan more miserable and edgy by giving him no one to talk to except his girlfriend who he kept most feelings from, and a super suit that looked like he got it from party city (seriously, look at it! Totally unimaginative. Just a blue and green not-quite-stretchy looking garbage suit). And his hair…man, was anyone on set to pay attention to anything? How could someone go from fighting to having perfectly slicked back black hair, no cuts, or rips five seconds later? Was every fight just not real? 

And don’t get me started on the CGI. Man. Who made this? A kid with absolutely no practice and ten seconds to complete it? Every time I tried to get into the story, I would see something that looked like a freshman year editing class made it. You could totally tell it wasn’t Michael Scott doing any stunts, it was a doll just flying through the air. The guy did absolutely nothing. I could see a stunt double every time he was supposedly throwing punches, or running through wreckage. Heck, I’ve done more stunts than he did during my freshman year of college in film class. 

Everything felt rushed, except for the scenes with HeroWoman. It made it seem as though she was his only rock, and that he needed her to survive. While it is good that it showed he valued her, and that she really is a force to be reckoned with, he didn’t even see her for most of his life due to her moving away when they were kids. They just inserted scenes that never happened in the comics. They were close in elementary school, she left, and when she came back it was when they were both superheroes. Not when they were teens. They didn’t go to their first party together, or have their first kiss with each other. Plus, they  were not supposed to fall in love until after the major battle in the movie. They had a slow burn romance that was pretty cute and wholesome, not some steamy and toxic crap that they showed. 

When the movie was finished, I sat there in that chair with my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. The lights came on, and everyone got up and started getting ready to go home as if what they had seen felt right. Felt… done. But, it didn’t feel done. It felt like an incomplete attempt at making something. My girlfriend shook me. When I finally realized she was ready to go, all I could do was stand and walk silently behind her as everyone spoke around me. “Hey, that was pretty cool.” “Not too bad. I dunno, I wasn’t even expecting anything. He’s not my favorite superhero.” But, he could’ve been. He could’ve been their favorite starting that night had they made something remotely close to the comic books. 

By the time we got inside the car, my girlfriend was asking me what was wrong. I looked at her. “Did you like the movie?” 

“Yeah, it was pretty good. I liked his relationship with that girl. Did you not enjoy it?” 

“I didn’t. But, I can’t even properly tell you why. I guess I’ll just type until I get all of my opinions out y’know?” 

“Don’t. Can’t you just watch a movie and that be it? Why do you always have to post about them  on your blog?” 

That’s how our argument started. It was as if she didn’t even care that SuperMan was a major part of my life, and helped me and my dad bond. She told me my reviews didn’t matter, and that since it wasn’t even making me money I shouldn’t bother with it. 

I guess she’s right though. I shouldn’t be doing these reviews anymore. She was my only subscriber, and now she won’t even pretend to read them now that we aren’t dating. Plus, this movie has really made the love I had for critiquing movies…just go out the window y’know? My dad would not have enjoyed this movie, and that sucks. I thought that I would watch this and have this emotional moment where I felt his presence or something. I just needed to be reminded of him, and be happy to watch something we both cared for come to life. Instead, I was left with this feeling that I should have just left the movie theater the second my I dropped my popcorn after getting it. That was a warning sign to not go in and be reminded that my dad is gone, and to see that the characters we really loved…have been ruined by money hungry Hollywood people. 

So, with that I might as well say goodbye. This was my last review. Bye,