My Life Cycle

Dear journal,

Captain’s log, Entry One:

Jake’s Journal, Day One:

Day One

This quarantine has gone on for SO long, I don’t even remember what day it is anymore. I’ve always heard keeping a journal helps keep your mind in order, so I guess I’ll give it a try. Honestly, I have no idea what to write about here. Oh well. I’ve got a first entry, so I’ll pick this up again tomorrow.

Maybe this will be a fun project.

Day Two August 2

Turns out today is August 2. My god. Have I really been stuck in here for 2 months? I’ve really let myself go. I’ve been so lazy I couldn’t even look at my phone to keep up with the date. I really should do something with myself. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I really should get back to shooting some photos. I miss photography.

August 5

It wasn’t better. Neither was the day after. Or yesterday. I’ve finally managed to scratch up enough energy to write again, and I have no idea what to talk about. Not much has changed. Still no news of how long I’ll be stuck like this.

How long WE will be stuck like this. I keep forgetting everyone is in a similar situation. Nobody calls or texts me. Do they even care about me anymore? Do they wonder what I’m doing in this time of isolation? No. I doubt it.

August 6

I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. I’m tired of doing nothing and making things worse. I have to do better than this. I am better than this, right?

August 10

No. No, I guess I’m not better than this. It’s been 4 more days of the same crap. Sitting around, binging videos, and letting my worthlessness wash over me in waves. It’s like the saddest ocean is just punching me in the face, day after day after day.

WHY CAN’T I BEAT THIS?? What is wrong with me??

I saw this quarantine coming a mile away. I was prepared for this. I actually enjoy staying at home and hanging out by myself. Why am I letting this time alone destroy me like this?

I’m not going to let it win anymore. Tomorrow, I’m doing something about it.

August 11

I’ve done it! I was productive today! Sort of. I looked through the stack of books sitting in the corner and I started to read a bit. I only got through a couple of chapters, but it felt good. Maybe there’s hope for me after all! For now, it looks like it’s time for bed.

August 15

Done! I finished reading my first book of the quarantine. It was only about 400 pages, but it actually feels really good to accomplish something. Time for bed now. I’ll pick a new book tomorrow. It’s been a good day.

August 16

Started a new book today. I feel like a challenge was in order, so it’s 750 pages this time. Hopefully I can knock it out in the next week or so. Maybe I should start shooting photos again too. It feels really good to be doing something again! Time to get some shut-eye.

August 18

The past couple of days haven’t been as productive as I’d like, but it’s okay. I can’t expect myself to be the most productive person in the world EVERY day. At least I did some reading and pulled out my camera gear. Everything was a little dusty, but it’s still in working order. Batteries are charging now. Maybe tomorrow I can explore my apartment and shoot something fun. I guess it’s time to hit the sack.

August 19

I failed. I failed again. This is SO like me! I start to get into a hobby or project, then just dump it in no time. I HATE THIS SIDE OF ME!

I didn’t even read today, not to mention the fact that I didn’t shoot any photos. I didn’t even bother to shower. I’m such a waste of space! Now I know why no one bothers to contact me. I wouldn’t want to waste my time talking to someone like me if I was someone else too. I deserve this.

August 20

August 21

August 22

I HATE feeling depressed about everything! I am better than this! Skulking around my apartment the last few days has taken its toll on me, just like it always does. How do I keep finding myself in this place? Why am I such a glutton for self-punishment? This can’t go on for much longer.

August 23

Today wasn’t perfect, but once again, I am digging myself out of my own hole of self-loathing. I finally finished the book I was reading, and managed to snap a few photos around the apartment. The photos aren’t very good, but it feels good to hear the shutter “click” again. Maybe tomorrow I’ll pull them up on my laptop and sit through an editing session. That has always made me feel good in the past. It’s getting late. Time to catch some z’s.

August 24

Having an editing day was the right choice. I’m still not overly happy with the way those photos came out, but it feels good to get back into the creative mode and create something new. Not much else to report today. The bed is calling my name now; I’d better answer!

August 26

The past 2 days have been pretty productive. I’ve been so busy shooting photos I haven’t had time to write new entries here. I’m stoked about the photos I’ve been shooting recently! This time has helped me think outside the box creatively (even though many photos have been shot inside my photo light box!)

Life still isn’t perfect, but it feels good to be doing something for myself again. I’m going to post some of these photos online and see what others think. For now, though, bed time.

August 27

I put my photos online today. Not many responses to them yet, but I guess that can be expected when I haven’t had an online presence in a while. Maybe it’s just because my photos aren’t that good. I feel like it’s probably a combination of both. Oh well. Off to sleep.

August 28

August 29

I haven’t really done much in the past few days. Started to write yesterday, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Posting those pictures doesn’t really count as being very productive. Since then, I haven’t found much motivation for shooting new things. My apartment only holds so much inspiration. I’m not feeling very good about this whole thing, but I can’t afford to sink too low again. Come on, Jake. You can do better than this!

August 30

Today was pretty good. I looked back over my recent photos and saw some new angles I could shoot. Maybe I’ll pull out my camera tomorrow and see what I can get.

On another note, I finally took some time and read back through this journal. It’s like a splash of water to the face when you read back over troubled times in your life. I’m such a wreck! But this is my life and I have the power to make it whatever I want it to be. It’s time to catch a few z’s now, but I’m looking forward to tomorrow!

August 31

The quarantine was lifted today! I’m ready to get back to regular life. Work will resume soon and everything will go back to normal. Until then, I still have some free time, so I think I’ll go out tomorrow and shoot some street photos as I wander around the city.

Speaking of photos, today’s apartment photo session went well. I really like the new photos I shot and I’m looking forward to editing them. Maybe I’ll do a full day editing session after I go out to shoot tomorrow.

Bed time is rapidly approaching.

Note: I guess it’s true; journaling really does help get through tough times. Maybe I should keep writing. Either way, I’ll keep this journal for the sake of posterity. Time to get out this this cycle and live my life!

Goodnight, journal. Thanks for all you’ve done for me.